


A Matter for Ma'at

by Dreamwind



Series: The Heart of Wadj Wer [2]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Alien Biology, Alien Culture, Alien penis, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Genderbend, Hurt/Comfort, Intersexuality, M/M, Novella, One-Sided Attraction, Weird Biology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-15
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-10-20 10:32:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 51,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/211839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamwind/pseuds/Dreamwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Part 2 of The Heart of Wadj Wer Series] Finally Jim is about to graduate from Starfleet, to journey to the heavens and explore new worlds. But first he must defeat the mad Captain Nero and save Vulcan and Earth. If that’s not enough he has to deal with competition for Spock's affection, an emotionally open old Spock, and too many questions from too many people about his little miracle child. What's a cadet to do?</p><p>[Dec 2014 - On temporary hiatus as I re-write the prequel, A Trick of Eros. Once that has been done I will be re-writing this fic as well. I am sorry for the long wait but I promise it will be worth it!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Although this is listed as partially Spock/Uhura it is not a real Spock/Uhura fanfiction as it is entirely one-sided on Uhura's part. So just beware of that before reading.

**2258; Starfleet Academy, Main Auditorium**

 

Jim hated the main auditorium. Every time they were all forced to gather here it meant one of the teachers or admirals had a bug up their butt about something and wanted to blather on and on until the cadets felt like their brains were going to leak out their ears. Plus there was the added downside of the chairs. Damn thing felt like they were made out of stone, all cold and unyielding.

“This session has been called to resolve a troubling matter. James T. Kirk, step forward.”

Jim looked up from the PADD he had resting on his thighs at the stern sound of Admiral Barnett’s voice calling his name. Glancing over at Bones, Jim stood, letting his PADD filled with text messages he had been sending to Gabriel take his place on the seat. He could feel the eyes of all the other cadets in his year watching him like a lion watched a wounded gazelle. Fuck, this was going to be bad.

“Cadet Kirk, evidence has been submitted to this council, suggesting that you violated the ethical code of conduct pursuant to Regulation One-Seven point three of the Starfleet Code. Is there anything you care to say before we begin, sir?”

Admiral Barnett gave Jim a look like was both amused and disappointed at once. Jim knew the man had a sense of humor buried under all the Starfleet pomp and seriously hoped this was all some kind of prank set up by Captain Pike to get back at him for waterproofing his office and filling it with water from the bay. Though Jim had taken care to remove all the electronics and personal effects before hand. Still, just to be safe he knew he should take this seriously.

“Yes, I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly.” Jim let his gaze follow Admiral Barnett’s back into the audience to where the instructors all sat in there pressed black uniforms.

A shiver went down his spine as he watched the tall, lean figure of a Vulcan rise. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, speeding up to beat like hummingbird wings so that Jim was sure everyone could tell his breathing had changed as well. The Vulcan stood, his piercing black gaze never leaving Jim’s as he tugged at the hem of his uniform. His head felt strangely light at the top and heavy as lead at the bottom, his world tilting wildly. Spock. God, it was Spock!

“Step forward, please. This is Commander Spock. He's one of our most distinguished graduates. He's programmed the Kobayashi Maru exam for the last four years.” Admiral Barnett paused, his eyes watching the way Jim looked at Spock before turning to look back at Spock. “Commander?”

“Cadet Kirk, you somehow managed to install and activate a subroutine to the programming code, thereby changing the conditions of the test.” His voice was cold and smooth as ice, sliding between those lips Jim remembered oh so well.

“Your point being?” He wanted to flinch and to scream But he wasn't willing to let the other cadets find a weak point in the carefully built armor he wore about himself. Even if he desperately wanted to yell at Spock, asking him everything that had built up year after year since he had watched Spock drive away.

He was half a breath away from stepping over to his K’diwa when Admiral Barnett spoke, “In academic vernacular, you cheated.”

Jim turned to look over at the Admiral. Whispers began to fill the echoing chamber of the hall as he turned to look back at the front where the row of Starfleet Officers sat, watching him. He could hear the disappointment more clearly now. The sound of it crashed against his brain in waves, leaving him dizzy and angry. He didn’t do well with people talking about him and looking at him like they knew that everything would end up with him shammed and tossed aside like trash. He had worked hard not to be that person anymore, to be a good man and a good father no matter what other people thought. He had hoped that the people at Starfleet Academy would be more accepting, but if anything they had been worse than many of the people back in Riverside who had wanted to watch him fail, or who had simply reduced him to the "town slut" after they found out he was pregnant.

Out of the corner of his eyes he caught sight of Uhura smirking at him before swiftly letting the emotion be hidden by her disgust. Obviously she was going to try and make him feel ashamed for being a stupid townie hick who got caught trying to show the rest of them up. Honestly! Did none of them even realize what he was trying to prove? Did they not understand what the Kobayashi Maru really was? What the test was really teaching them?

“Let me ask you something, I think we all know the answer to. The test itself is a cheat, isn't it? You programmed it to be unwinnable.”

“Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.”

“I don't believe in no-win scenarios.” Jim looked at Spock, trying to make him understand. To see the reason behind Jim’s choice of outcome. _‘Come on, Spock! Surely you of all people understand!’_

Spock turned again to face him and Jim was sure that for a moment Spock recognized him. “Then, not only did you violate the rules, you also failed to understand the principle lesson.”

Jim did flinch that time. The weakness of it making the anger boil in his belly alongside the hurt that was growing more sower in his mouth.“Please, enlighten me.”

“You of all people should know, Cadet Kirk. A Captain cannot cheat death.”

Jim felt his heart freeze in his chest. There was a pain there, growing where his heart should be. He couldn’t understand how the kind young man he had fallen in love with could do this. How could he look at Jim like he remembered him and say those words he knew would flay Jim apart? __‘I guess this means Frank and the others were right. He couldn’t have loved me. I’m just some kind of sick experiment for him. Well, I’m not going to let him do this! Not without a fight.’__

Jim looked down at the podium, as the whispers grew louder. Licking his lips he looked up, gazing at the Starfleet emblem on the front of the Admirals desk. “I of all people.”

“Your father, Lieutenant George Kirk, assumed command of his vessel before being killed in action, did he not?”

It hurt, those words cutting through him as they always did. It was like people couldn’t help but compare him to his Dad and find him lacking. “I don't think you like the fact that I beat your test," Jim snapped back in hurt and anger.

“Furthermore, you have failed to divine the purpose of the test.”

Jim swallowed down his anger and forced himself to plot out how he needed to word his answers to prove he hadn’t cheated. That the test was only going to train them to give up when they should fight until the last breath if it meant any hope of saving more lives. “Enlighten us all then as to what you think we should learn from this...test.”

Spock's eyebrow twitched up slightly, but his face otherwise remained stoic as he stared Jim down. “The purpose is to experience fear. Fear in the face of certain death. To accept that fear, and maintain control of oneself and one's crew. This is a quality expected in every Starfleet captain.”

It was like Spock was saying Jim didn’t understand. That he couldn’t understand what fear was. Like he had never lived through horrors that would sicken even the most experienced officer in the room. If Spock knew who he was then he sure as Hell should know what Jim had suffered though. Obviously Spock had lied when he had told Jim he could always love him. Just like he had lied about coming back for Jim and making a family.

Jim shook his head and tried not to cry. He had been convincing himself for years that one day Spock would come for him and Gabriel. Well, they didn’t need him and Jim could prove it. Spock could go fuck himself! 

"Then you have failed your own test, and your students as well," Jim looked up ready to turn Spock’s own argument against him when the sound of footsteps rushing down the steps caused him to halt.

“Excuse me, sir.” An aide rushed past them, hurrying up to Admiral Barnett’s seat, handing over a PADD before leaning in to whisper something in the Admiral’s ear.

A worried look crossed the Admiral’s face as he scanned the contents of the PADD. “We've received a distress call from Vulcan. With our primary fleet engaged in the Laurentian system, I hereby order all cadets to report to Hangar One immediately. Dismissed.”

Spock’s gaze cut away from Jim locking onto the Admiral with laser like precision. A small part of Jim silently thanked whatever deity was watching that something had interrupted before he could say something he would regret to the father of his most precious child. A larger portion of him felt worried about what could cause a Vulcan to call in for such sudden help and a creeping sense of guilt was rising like bile in his throat. Whatever had happened was big, bigger than Jim and this stupid farce of a trial and it left him feeling guilty for even being thankful for the interruption for a moment.

The Admiral’s in the dark suites stood, their faces grim as death as they turned and quickly marched out of the room, the sea of red clad cadets hurrying to follow. Jim turned to glance over his shoulder as Bones stepped up to his side, lips pressed tightly closed in irritation and worry as he watched Spock turn and do the Vulcan equivalent of rushing madly from the room.

“Who was that pointy-eared bastard?," Jim whined under his breath. Jim wasn’t sure what to think. He knew this was Spock but it certainly wasn’t the Spock that he knew. The one he had known had been so gentle and loving. No this was someone else, a stranger.

“I don't know, but I like him," Bones said with a smirk and a slap to Jim's shoulder.

"Of course you do." Jim glared at his friend and turned, stomping out of the room after the other cadets.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**2258; Starfleet Academy Hanger 1**

 

“...USS Neutral, Uhura, USS Farragut, Petroski, USS Antares. Go to your stations and good luck.”

Uhura could hardly believe what she was hearing. Spock had been her boyfriend for nearly two months now and he was doing this to her? Damn it! He knew what it meant for her to be on the Enterprise! She had been working her ass off to be the best of the best in the Linguistics Departments graduating class so that she could get that posting. Spock had no right, absolutely no right at all, to do this to her! She deserved to be on the Enterprise not the fucking USS Farragut! Damn it, that ship was hardly more than floating waste it was so old.

Gaila who had been standing next to Uhura smiled widely at her roommate. Uhura was her best friend on Earth and while the USS Farragut wasn’t really the posting either of them wanted they would still be serving on the same ship. However, her smile faltered as she looked at Uhura, who had a dour expression on her face. Galia wasn’t stupid, she knew Uhura would be upset about not being posted on the Enterprise, but surely she understood that these were emergency postings and not their assigned postings after graduation? Graduation wasn’t for another couple weeks yet and the final grades and tests weren’t to be taken until next week at the earliest, so the teachers didn’t have enough info yet to determine which ship they would be most needed on.

Uhura’s nostrils flared and her lips thinned out as she scanned over the hanger bay looking for someone. Galia sighed and tried not to grimace as she realized whom Uhura was storming after. She didn’t understand why Uhura thought Professor Spock was her boyfriend. Uhura knew that Vulcan’s were bonded as children and as such would not join in an illicit affair, especially not one with a student of theirs. And certainly Professor Spock was serious enough about his career and the career of his students not to endanger either of them being dishonorably discharged from Starfleet for a simple crush. Uhura may believe she loved Spock but Galia knew her well enough to know it wouldn’t last once she really got to know the man. Spock wasn’t what Uhura wanted long term, he was just this stunningly smart no-nonsense man who was unlikely to break her heart the way Uhura’s last boyfriend had. And Spock…well, Uhura wasn’t what Spock would want either. Uhura liked Spock and Galia knew he respected her as a Starfleet officer, but Uhura didn’t want long term. She was far too focused on making her way up the chain of command to the ship and the career she wanted to ever fully commit to anyone. And Spock as a Vulcan would only consider her as a long-term mate. Perhapes one day, years down the road Uhura could be what Commander Spock wanted and needed but she wasn’t that person now.

Shaking her head Galia turned away and headed towards the shuttles leading to her ship. Once Uhura realized that Spock wasn’t going to change something just for her own whims then they could talk.

“Commander, a word.”

Spock looked up from his PADD into the furious gaze of his top student. “Yes, Lieutenant?”

“Was I not one of your top students?”

“Indeed you were.”

“And did I not, on multiple occasions, demonstrate exceptional aural sensitivity, and I quote, ‘an unparalleled ability to identify sonic anomalies in subspace transmission tests?’ “

“Consistently, yes.”

“And while you were well aware of that and my other qualifications, along with my desire to serve on the USS Enterprise, I'm assigned to the Farragut?” Uhura pushed her way into Spock’s personal space, glaring up at him with righteous anger, of which Spock did not understand the cause. These were merely temporary orders not the true assignments.

“It was an attempt to avoid the appearance of favoritism.” He wanted to explain that the Admirals were going to look at this as part of their tests and if she went to her posting and completed her assignment as ordered it would do well for her future and a chance to serve aboard the flagship, but her anger was blinding and she didn’t appear to wish to give him time to fully explain. Although she was one of his brightest students and should have been able to deduce all of this on her own.

“No, I'm assigned to the Enterprise.”

Spock had to fight not to pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh in misery at her. In some ways she reminded of very much of his K’diwa, but in others she was so very different. Spock looked to his PADD and realized he no longer had time enough to explain any of this to Cadet Uhura and gave in. He typed in some commands that would notify the other Professors of a change to the rosters and as to the reason. It would be a black mark on her otherwise spotless record and Spock was of the opinion that it could very well cost her a more promising posting after graduation. It was her choice however and he would not deny her the right of her choice at this moment. If her need to achieve her goal ranked higher than the needs of his people, he would remember that in the future. “Yes, I believe you are.”

“Thank you.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

**2258; Starfleet Academy Hanger 1, Medical Bay**

 

Bones pushed Jim out of the walk way and further into the hanger bay to where the small medical bay was set up. If he was really going to smuggle Jim on board he would need a good excuse to do so. It wasn’t like he could just sling him over his shoulder and claim him as carry-on luggage. Well…he could but it likely wouldn’t work unless the Lieutenant guarding the shuttle was blind and dumber than a post. Which was always a possibility with those damned Red Shirts, he certainly saw enough of them at Starfleet Medical everyday to make it a valid hypothesis.

“What are you doing?” Jim watched as his best friend started shuffling though brightly colored vials, grabbing one and shoving it into a free hypospray. Trying no to grimace Jim let Bones pushed him down on one of the stools sitting by the table.

“I'm doing you a favor. I couldn't just leave you there looking all pathetic. Take a seat. I'm going to give you a vaccine against viral infection from Melvaran mud fleas.”

The hypospray made a loud whirring click as it injected the vaccine into Jim’s blood stream. “Oww! What for?” Jim tugged at his collar, the stiff fabric scraping across the now tender spot of flesh.

“Give you the symptoms.” Bones turned away to drop the used hypospray into the medical waste until before grabbing his medical bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

“What are you talking about?”

“You're going to start to lose vision in your left eye.”

Jim glanced down, shaking his head slightly, blinking his eyes open wide and trying to look around the small, cluttered room. “Yeah, I already have.”

“Oh, and you're going to get a really bad headache and a flop sweat.” Bones turned and strode over to Jim, grabbing his arm in both hands and pulling the swaying cadet to his feet.

“You call this a favor?”

Honestly Bones wasn’t sure why he was risking the only career he had left on Jim, but damn if the boys dejected blue eyes didn’t just tug at the heart strings he didn’t want to have. Shit. It may ruin him but it was the only option he had and maybe some of Jim’s damned luck would do some good for both of them this once. “Yeah, you owe me one.”

Jim was swaying more, his legs going limp as cooked noodles at times so that Bones was certain he would end up sling Jim over his shoulder to carry aboard. Knowing he wasn’t quite strong enough for that he forced Jim to move faster even as the thick scent of sweat began to rise from his friend. Jim was licking his lips, pupils blown wide as he shivered and stumbled along in Bones wake. The other cadets still rushing to their shuttles gave them strange looks at the sight of Jim before quickly giving them a wide berth, obviously not pleased with the sight or smell of the sick cadet.

Bones tugged Jim up the steps to where the rather short Duty Assigner stood by the open hatch of the shuttle. The man looked up and blinked at the sight of them before looking back to his PADD.

“Kirk, James T. He's not cleared for duty aboard the Enterprise.”

“Medical Code states the treatment and transport of a patient to be determined at the discretion of his attending physician, which is me. So, I'm taking Mister Kirk aboard. Or would you like to explain to Captain Pike why the Enterprise warped into a crisis without one of its senior medical officers?”

Jim swayed more towards the floor, his face going red and white alternately. Bones was actually surprised that Jim was still standing and that he hadn’t vomited all over the assigner’s polished shoes. He was breathing in harsh pants and the assigner was watching him with a bit of fear in his eyes.

“As you were.”

Jim blinked at the man and mumbled rudely as Bones tugged him away, “As _you_ were.”

Bones huffed and pushed Jim up the ramp into the shuttle. “C'mon.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

**2258; USS Enterprise**

“Jim! I'm not kidding, we need to keep your heart rate down!”

Bones cursed Jim and his own weakness for helping the idiot onto the ship. He had not agreed to be Jim’s friend just so he could get court marshaled for sneaking him on board and failing to keep him hidden ‘cause he had gotten it into his harebrained fool mind to go a gallivanting around the ship with hands the size of grapefruits! Fortunately for both of them the main hallways were nearly empty of people, so they ended up only dodging half a dozen startled crewmen as Jim rushed to yet another terminal.

“Computer, locate crew member Uhura!”

Bones yanked the white hard cased medical bag open and began pulling out hyposprays to try and get Jim’s hands back to their normal size. It wasn’t good at all that they had reacted to the vaccine by swelling like that. Fuck, but Jim was always had the most random allergies! “I haven't seen a reaction this severe since med school.”

As he finally got the hypospray cartage loaded he looked up only to see Jim running off down another corridor. Cursing his luck and Kirk’s in general he snapped the case shut and went running off after his stowaway best friend.

“We're flying into a trap!” Jim didn’t even look back at him as yelled to Bones.

“Dammit Jim, stand still.” It took a few minutes of running deeper into the heart of the great starship before Jim slowed down enough for him to catch up and jab another hypospray into Jim’s neck, making the blond cadet jerk his head away with a pained gasp.

“Ow! Stop it!” Jim turned to glare at Bones before looking down the narrow corridor between…well, Bones didn’t rightly know what those large steel containers were or why the xenolingustics desks were there by them. Jim ran through, ignoring the rather odd layout of the deck, pushing people aside and darting between others as he closed in on where Uhura had been stationed.

“Uhura, Uhura,” he called out over the sounds of the crew.

Uhura turned around at the sound of her name and was startled to see James T Kirk standing behind her waving his hands like a mad man. “Kirk, what are you doing here?”

“The transmission from the Klingon prison planet, what exactly was...”

Uhura glanced down at Jim’s hands as he gestured with them, and gasped, stepping back from him in shock. “Oh my god, what's wrong with your hands?!”

While Jim was busy trying to get Uhura to pay attention to what he was trying to say and not to his ridiculously swollen hands, Bones snuck up behind him and began scanning him. He needed to know what the hell had caused such a sudden and violent reaction and to see if it had caused any non-visible problems.

“It-it-it... look, who is responsible for the Klingon attack? Was the ship Romul...” Jim stumbled over the words as his tongue began to swell and go numb in his mouth. Was nothing going to go right?

Uhura gave Jim a confused look and glanced over his shoulder at Bones. As much as she disliked, perhaps even hated Kirk, she didn’t want to see him all swollen and gasping for breath. It was far too disturbing to look at and it may have, just a little, caused her to feel bad for him. “Was the ship what?”

Jim’s eyes widened in frustrated and he waved his hands around as he glared at Bones over his shoulder. “What's happening to my mouth?”

“You got numb tongue?” Bones winced and cringed at the sight of his friend. So hypospray number 2 had been a bad idea s well.

“Numb tongue,” Jim tried to scream.

“I can fix that!” Bones darted away from Jim and Uhura and back to where he had set his medical bag on Uhura’s station.

“Was the ship what?” Uhura closed her eyes and shook her head, annoyed by the whole situation and by the fact that once again James T Kirk was stalking her and badgering her about God only knows what.

Mumbling and irritated, Jim tried to make his speech more recognizable, “Romulan!”

“What?” Uhura shook her head again and closed her eyes, trying to block out the sounds of all the other people talking around them.

“Romulan!”

“Romulan?”

“Yeah!” Jim nodded wildly, pleased that she had finally understood what he was trying to say.

“Yes.” Uhura was still confused as to why a conversation she had overheard and already reported prior to his academic hearing had lead to this rather strange moment.

“Yes!” Jim was practically bouncing in his excitement. Now he just needed to get her to the bridge with him and he could keep them all from certain death.

Bones snuck behind him, a third hypospray in hand. With one last glance at the dosage Bones shoved it into Jim’s neck and set the injection. Jim cried out and jerked away, glaring daggers at his best friend. “Ahh... dammit!”

As quickly as it had come the swelling and the numb tongue vanished. Not wanting to waste any further time, Jim turned and began to run out of the bowls of the ship to the nearest turbolift that could take him up to the main corridors and onto the bridge. Bones cursed and grabbed Uhura forcing her to run along with him.

Uhura glared and pulled her arm free but didn’t stop running. Whatever was happening it was going to be big and she didn’t want to miss it. Especially since it seemed to involve a transmission she heard.

“Jim,” cried out Bones as the finally made it up the last stretch of hallway to the bridge. Bones reached out, lurching forwards as he tried to grab a hold of Jim.

“What's going on,” Uhura called out as she ran behind them.

“Jim, come back!” Bones nearly slipped and fell as Jim took a sharp turn onto the bridge. Cursing in his head Bones grabbed the doorway to keep from falling and practically threw himself in after Jim.

“Kirk!” Uhura was starting to cruse all the too smart for their own good farm boys as she slowed down, panting slightly as she came to a quick stop behind McCoy on the bridge.

“Captain,” Jim called out.

“Jim, no!” Bones made one more grasping motion to pull his friend back and missed as Jim darted forward to the Captain’s chair where Captain Pike was sitting with a startled expression.

“Captain Pike, we have to stop the ship!”

Captain Pike swung his chair around and stood up all at once, stepping into Jim’s personal space, his whole demeanor gone tense and sharp with his anger. “Kirk, how the hell did you get on board the Enterprise?”

Bones forced his way in front of Jim, pushing him back several steps and throwing his hand out towards Captain Pike, trying to keep him back fro Jim. “Captain, this man's under the influence of a severe reaction of a Melvaran flea vaccine, completely...”

“Bones, Bones...” Jim pushed at Bones, trying to talk over his friend’s rapid excuses.

“...delusional. I take full responsibility.”

“Vulcan is not experiencing a natural disaster. It's being attacked by Romulans.” Jim tried to ignore Bones frantic attempts to get him to shut up and looked up at Pike with all the seriousness he could, trying to wordless show him the severity of what he was trying to impart.

“Romulans? Cadet Kirk, I think you've had enough attention for one day. McCoy take him back to medical, we'll have words later.” Captain Pike was more than a little disappointed. He had chosen Kirk. Brought him all the way from Iowa and seen him through three years of intense schooling and had him pre-slotted to be posted to a tactical position on Enterprise only to find the kid had fallen back into bad habits and had cheated his way through a major simulation exam.

Bones grabbed onto Jim’s arm again. “Aye Captain.”

Jim shook Bones hold off and followed Pike back to the Captain’s Chair. “Look, sir, that same anomaly...”

“Mister Kirk...,” began Pike.

“Mister Kirk is not cleared to be aboard this vessel.” Spock stepped up to stand between the two. His words coming out fast as he watched the young cadet try to dissuade his Captain from going to aid the Vulcan people. He didn’t understand why this particular cadet could get to him so easily or why he felt the need to harm Spock and his people in such a way, but he would not stand for it.

Jim glared at his once beloved and started to talk over him. “Look, I get it, you're a great orator. I'd love to do it again with you to.”

“I can remove the Cadet...”

“Try it,” Jim yelled into Spock’s face. “This Cadet is trying to save the bridge.”

Spock practically sneered at him. “By recommending a full stop mid-warp during a rescue mission?”

Jim turned away from Spock and looked to Captain Pike. “It's not a rescue mission, listen, it's an attack.”

“Based on what facts,” Spock’s voice was harsh now as if he was trying to hold back his anger and was barely succeeding.

Everyone on the bridge stilled and for over a minute all that could be heard was the soft humm of the technology around them. Jim turned a cold glare on Spock. His K’diwa may have abandoned him and lost his faith in Jim, but Jim still loved him even against his better judgment and he wasn’t about to let them all die when Sarek and Mrs. Amanda needed their help.

“That same anomaly, a lightning storm in space that we saw today, also occurred on the day of my birth. Before a Romulan ship attacked the USS Kelvin.” Jim looked away from Spock and back to Captain Pike, letting the anger drop from his voice. “You know that, sir, I read your dissertation.”

Pike looked away, thinking over Jim’s words and remembering the information that he had gathered about George Kirk and the last battle of the USS Kelvin.

Jim turned to look back at Spock, his voice once again going sharp. “That ship which had formidable and advanced weaponry was never seen or heard from again.” Jim glanced back to Pike, who was now looking between him and Spock. “The Kelvin attack took place on the edge of Klingon space and at twenty-three hundred hours last night, there was an attack. Forty-seven Klingon warbirds destroyed by a Romulan, sir. It was reported that the Romulans were in one ship, one massive ship.”

Captain Pike leaned in towards Jim, wanting to believe him but not sure if he could. “And you know of this Klingon attack how?”

Jim looked away to where Uhura was standing, nervously watching them. Spock and Captain Pike turned to look at her, waiting for some confirmation or denial of what Jim was telling them.

“Sir, I intercepted and translated the message myself. Kirk's report is accurate.” She might not like Kirk but she suddenly understood exactly why he had chased her down and run through the ship like a mad dog was on his heels.

“We're warping into a trap, sir. The Romulans are waiting for us, I promise you that,” Jim was watching Pike process the information and did his best to ignore the way Spock was now watching him.

“The Cadet's logic is sound,” He didn’t sound particularly pleased to admit it but he did. “And Lieutenant Uhura is unmatched in xenolinguistics, we would be wise to accept her conclusion.”

Captain Pike turned to look at the Lieutenant manning the Comm station. “Scan Vulcan space, check for any transmissions in Romulan.”

The Lieutenant swallowed nervously and glanced from his station to his Captain. “Sir, I'm not sure I can distinguish the Romulan language from Vulcan.”

Pike turned away and moved to follow Uhura as she tried to leave the bridge. “What about you? Do you speak Romulan, Cadet?”

Surprised, Uhura answered, “Uhura. All three dialects, sir.”

“Uhura, relieve the lieutenant.”

Taking a deep breath to calm herself down, Uhura nodded and headed to the Comm station, taking the other Lieutenant’s now empty seat. “Yes sir.”

“Hannity, hail the USS Truman.”

Hannity turned to look up at her Captain. Her face was grim as she shook her head, not wanting to think of what this would mean. “All the other ships are out of warp, sir, and have arrived at Vulcan, but we seemed to have lost all contact.”

“Sir, I pick up no Romulan transmission, or transmission of any kind in the area.” At her new station Uhura was working hard to find anything out there that might give them a clue as to what they were warping into.

“It's because they're being attacked,” his voice filled with certainty, Jim looked from Uhura to Captain Pike.

Pike scowled but accepted that they may be warping into in a live version of the Kobayashi Maru. Face hard and filled with a sharp edged determination Captain Pike took his chair and looked out over his still new bridge. It looked like his lady would be tested in fire. “Shields up, red alert.”

“Arrival in Vulcan in five seconds... four... three... two...” Sulu spoke loudly, counting down the seconds over the sound of the Red Alert siren.

While their was no physical jolt as they exited the warp, the visual was enough to shock them all back a step as the rush of stars was replacing by the looming ruins of countless Federation starships. Their hulking carcasses still burning in places as the fell to pieces above the red mass of the planet Vulcan.

“Emergency evasive,” called out Pike in a strong steady voice.

“Running sir,” called out one of the bridge officers.

One by one the other officers began reporting what their instruments were telling them. Their voices rose and fell over each other, panic filling in the sounds as they struggled follow their Captain’s directions. With quick, deft movements Sulu struggled to make the ship dance through the ruins and bodies floating around them. Twisting and turning the ship as if it was made of putty as he narrowly avoided several large saucer sections.

“Damage report.”

“Deflector shields are holding,” called out another officer.

“All stations. Engineer Olson, report.”

The sound of the Engineer was lost in the chaos as Jim watched from the sidelines, his gaze unable to look away from the wanton destruction and death on the viewscreen. He had been trying to prepare himself for something horrific like this since he had first woken up in sickbay and heard the Russian kids announcement. Still, it hadn’t prepared him for the reality of seeing so many of his fellow cadets and their instructors floating in space surrounded by the wreckage of some of Starfleet’s best ships.

“Full reverse, come about starboard ninety degrees, drop us underneath and...”

Sulu grimaced and dipped the ship low, barely getting it under the newest hulk of ruin with only minor damage to the outer hull. As they cleared the debris and looked past the edge of the planet where the sun rising they saw it.

The ship was massive. Large than any description could prepare them for. Jim had never seen anything like it. It was like some horrible monster from an old Earth B Movie, all sharp jagged edges and spires. It sat there watching as the Federation ships died around it. It was something truly horrible beyond Jim’s childhood nightmares. There was something horrifying about it just waiting there as if they were all nothing. It wasn’t a living thing but looking at it Jim felt like he was back on Tarsus IV looking into the eyes of Kodos the Executioner.

“Captain, they're locking torpedoes.” Spock looked away from the ship that was planning to destroy his people, trying to banish the sight of it from his mind.

“Avert auxiliary power from port nacelles to forward shields,” ordered Pike.

The ship rocked violently as two torpedos slammed into the shields. “Sulu, status report.”

“Shields at thirty-two percent. Their weapons are powerful, sir. We can't take another hit like that.”

“Get me Starfleet Command.”

“Captain, the Romulan ship has lowered some kind of high energy pulse device into the Vulcan atmosphere. Its signal appears to be blocking our communications and transporter abilities.” Spock looked to his Captain all his emotions burning in his eyes.

“All power to forward shields. Prepare to fire all weapons.”

“Captain, we're being hailed,” called Uhura.

The scene of death and the red haze of Vulcan was suddenly replaced by the image of a man. His face was strong and covered in rich black, thorn like tattoos, his scared and curved pointed ears standing out and proving that it really was a Romulan staring back at them. His eyes were as dark and devoid of life as the open expanse of space. “Hello.”

“I'm Captain Christopher Pike. To whom am I speaking?”

The Romulan nodded his head towards Captain Pike. “Hi Christopher, I'm Nero,” his voice was pleasant, taunting them with false kindness.

“You've declared war against the Federation. Withdraw. I'll agree to arrange a conference with Romulan leadership at a neutral location.”

“I do not speak for the Empire. We stand apart, as does your Vulcan crewmember, isn't that right, Spock?”

Spock stood from his chair at the Science Station and moved closer to the screen, watching the Romulan called Nero very closely. He had never met a Romulan before and could not image why one would know of him. “Pardon me, I do not believe that you and I are acquainted?”

“No, we're not. Not yet.” Nero watched Spock move around the bridge getting closer to where his Captain was sitting. “Spock, there's something I would like you to see. Captain Pike, your transporter has been disabled. As you can see by the rest of your armada, you have no choice. You will man a shuttle, come aboard the Narada, for negotiations. That is all.” Nero reached out and pushed the camera away from his face as it shut off.

Yet again the bridge was held in stillness and silence as its officers watched their Captain trying to see what would be required of them. Pike gazed at the screen his eyes unfocused as he sat in though. His head tiled and he seemed to come to some resolution. Standing he left the Captain’s Chair, moving away only to have his attention drawn away to where Jim was standing behind his chair.

“He'll kill you, you know that.”

“Your survival is unlikely,” Spock cut in over Jim.

“Captain, we gain nothing by diplomacy. Going over to that ship is a mistake,” Jim was watching him with eyes that reminded Pike very much of George. There was hidden strength in this boy and something intangible that Pike knew would make him a Captain who could lead his troops into the depths of Hell without fear. He realized then that although they thought Jim had failed the Kobayashi Maru he had not. He understood fear and accepted it in a way that few did. Pike had to admit that he was suddenly in awe of this young man yet again.

“I, too, agree. You should re-think your strategy.” Then there was Spock. His ever logical First Officer. They would make a fine pair, these two. They could balance themselves and complete each other in a way few Captain’s and First Officers could ever hope. Looking at them, he knew what he had to do.

 

*~*~*~*

 

**Thirty Minutes Later, Bridge, USS Enterprise**

 

Uhura looked up from her station to where Spock stood. “The jamming signal is gone. Transport abilities are reestablished.”

“Transporter control is reengaged, sir,” called out Chekov.

“Chekov, run gravitational sensor, and I want to know what they are doing on the planet.” Spock glanced down to the young human.

“Aye commander, ack, Captain. Sorry, Captain.”

 **“Do you copy Enterprise,”** came Jim’s voice over the Comm.

At the sound of Jim’s report the bridge flew into a flurry of activity. Officers all over beginning to send out emergency transmissions back to Earth and the other ships further out in Federation space.

“Captain, gravitational sensors are off the scale. If my calculations are correct, they're creating a singularity, that will consume the planet.” Chekov spun his chair around to face Acting Captain Spock, his voice dropping as he realized he was reporting the eminent death of his new Captain’s people.

Spock looked away into nothingness as he processed the report, his mind freezing at the realization that the lives of his entire race were suddenly resting on his shoulders. “They're creating a black hole at the center of Vulcan?”

“Yes sir.”

“How long does the planet have?”

Chakov shrugged sadly. “Minutes, sir. Minutes.”

Spock shot up from his chair, swiftly moving over to where Uhura was standing by her station. “Alert Vulcan command center to signal a planet wide evacuation on all channels, all frequencies.” Spock quickly glanced at another officer as he rushed to the exit of the bridge. “Maintain standard orbit”.

“Yes, sir.”

Even knowing she shouldn’t be leaving her post when there was no one to replace her, Uhura couldn’t just let Spock go. He needed her. “Where are you going?”

“To evacuate the Vulcan High Council. They are tasked with protecting our cultural history and my parents will be among them.”

“Can't you beam them out?” Uhura shook her head, not understanding how Spock could be leaving her and the ship now.

“It is impossible. They will be in the katric ark. I must get them myself.” Spock looked over Uhura shoulder to where Chekov was still sitting at his station. “Chekov, you have the conn.”

“Aye. Uh, yay.”

 **“Kirk to Enterprise. Beam us outta here,”** Jim’s voice once again filled the bridge, the sound slightly ruffled with static.

The transporter chief cursed as the signals for Sulu and Kirk shift out of her grasp. “I can't lock onto you. Don't move. Don't move!”

Another minute passed as she continued to swear, her fingers moving like crazy over her consol as she tried again and again to get a lock on the two signals as they dropped towards the planets surface.

**“Kirk to Enterprise! We're falling without a chute! Beam us up!”**

“I'm trying. I can't lock on your signal, you're moving too fast.” Worry began to fill her voice as she realized she wasn’t skilled enough to save them.

“I can do that. I can do that! Take the conn!” Chekov stood up calling out to another officer as he dashed out of the bridge.

“Aye, sir.”

“The black hole's expanding. We won't reach minimum safe distance if we don't leave immediately,” called out another officer in a worried voice.

Uhura looked at her and tried not to cry as she realized she might never see Spock again. That they were failing to save Vulcan and Sulu and Kirk might die down there with the rest of the Vulcan people.

Chkeov ran as fast as he could, dodging people and running into corners as he tried to turn the corners at a full run. “Move, move, move, move, move! I can do that, I can do that! Move, move, move move!”

Chekov spun into the doorway, gasping for breath. Without pausing he rushed to the transporter consol and pushed the technician out of her seat. “Give me radio control, I can lock on!”

**“Beam us out! Enterprise, where are you?”**

“Hold on, hold on,” chanted Chekov as the moved the dials, tracking the wild drop of his fellow crewmembers bodies.

**“Now, now, now! Do it now! Now, now, now!”**

“Don't move! Hold on! Computating gravitational pull and... gotcha!” The transporter chimed as it locked on and began the beaming process.

Chekov looked up at the glowing light as it filled the room. A second later the light vanished and Jim and Sulu, still tightly wrapped around each other crashed to the floor.

“Oh! Yah-my-oo!” Chakov shoot up, smiling widely at the two figures groaning and struggling to a standing position.

“God,” moaned Jim.

“Thanks.” Sulu winched as he moved his bruised ribs.

“No problem.”

Jim glanced up as Spock rushed into the room pulling on the holster for a phaser. Jim wanted to stop him, realizing exactly what Spock was planning to do, but he knew he couldn’t. He couldn’t deny Spock the chance to save his parents when Jim knew he would do the same thing in Spock’s position.

“Clear the pad. I'm beaming to the surface.”

He had to let Spock go but he needed Spock to stay. If Spock went down there and didn’t come back…Jim wasn’t sure what he would do. What he would tell his son. “The surface of what? What, are you going down there? Are you nuts? Spock, you can't do that?!”

Jim stumbled off the transporter pad with Sulu. Still Spock ignored him. For him nothing existed but his parents and the need to save them.

“Energize.”

“Spock,” cried Kirk as the golden light of the transporter surrounded him. “Spock…be careful.”

It was chaos on the surface. The planet was burning, shaking and swallowing itself right out from under his feet. Still he had to make it. Running as fast as he could he dashed up the side of the cliffs leading to the Ark. It took longer than he would like to make it inside and to herald the evacuation of his parents and the Elders. The Ark had collapsed around them as they ran, the walls and grand statues of Surak falling and killing several of the Vulcan elders before they made it outside to the ledge.

“Spock to Enterprise. Get us out now!”

**“Locking on you,” responded Chekov. “Don't move. Stay right where you are.”**

They stood there and watched as the valley that had surround the Ark for millennia vanished into flame and darkness. His Mother let out a horrified gasp at the sight.

**“Transport in five... Four... three... two...”**

Spock looked away from the destruction to his Mother as she spun around to face him. Some strange emotion filled her face and for a moment Spock felt the icy hands of dread clutch at his heart as he watched the golden light circle her, the doom of his planet playing out behind her. Suddenly the cliff began to crumble and with a blood-curdling scream his Mother fell into darkness.

“No, no,” It was not Vulcan but Spock did not care. He let his loss and fear fill his voice as he reached out for her one last time as the golden light of the transporter whisked him away.

“I'm losing her. I'm losing her, I'm losing her! No, I've lost her.” Chekov slumped in his seat as he watched the group of Vulcan’s appear with his Captain, hand still outstretched for his Mother, appeared on the transporter pad.

The room was silent, no one able to speak at the sight of Captain Spock’s raw grief. It was only one loss out of billions but somehow it hit them all much harder.

 

*~*~*~*

“Acting captain's log, stardate twenty-two fifty-eight point four two. We have had no word from Captain Pike. I have therefore classified him a hostage of the war criminal known as Nero. Nero, who has destroyed my home planet and most of its six billion inhabitants. While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon the ship, I estimate no more than ten thousand have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species.”

Spock sat there unsure what to say or what to do. In one day his whole world had been shattered. He had lost so many of his people, so many innocent crewmates and fellow officers and he had watched as his planet swallowed itself into darkness. He did not know how to continue on. The grief was ripping him apart and he found that he desperately wanted his Mother or his Jim there with him now. He wanted his Jim to be here at his side to grieve with him. But she was not. She was waiting for him, somewhere on Earth. He had to survive. He had made a promise nine years ago that he intended to keep. He had lost his Mother and he could not afford to lose his K’diwa too.

Not able to stand sitting there in his Captain’s chair he stood and walked to the turbolift. Uhura who had been watching him closely since his return stood and left her post, following him into the turbolift, her gaze filled with emotion. As the doors closed she reached over him and stopped the lift, watching him.

She should not be here. She had a duty to perform and she could not do it here. She knew that but she knew Spock needed her more. She did not understand how he could not be breaking down as he had just watched the destruction of his home and family. He needed comfort and she was the only one who could comfort him.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry,” she whispered, eyes filled with sadness.

He did not know what to say in response to her grief, but his silence seemed to give her permission to reach up and touch his face, cupping it in her hands as she moved closer to him. “I'm so sorry.”

Before he could respond she pulled his head down to hers and leaning up kissed him gently on the lips. Pulling him closer still she placed more kisses upon his lips and over his jaw and cheekbone, her lips just brushing his meld points.

“What do you need? Tell me. Tell me.”

He wanted to fall into her embrace but it did not feel right. She did not feel right. She was his best student. The closest person he had to a friend on campus besides Captain Pike. But she was not his K’diwa. She was not his Jim and letting her hold him and touch him in the way only Jim had did not feel right. He let her pull back and looked away, unable to face the looks of sadness and…love? He reached over and pressed the button the start the turbolift.

“I need everyone to continue performing admirably.”

Uhura looked up at him with a confused look of sadness and disappointment. “Okay.”


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: For those of you who don’t like that this has started with the movie, I apologize. This is the last chapter covering the movie, after this it is original work except for the part of the scene where Jim becomes Captain. So try to bear with me, I promise this chapter does have some content that isn’t the same as what happened in the movie.

**2258; Escape Pod, Delta Vega**

 

“Aggh. Computer, where am I?” Jim winced at the stiff muscles that were spasming in his neck. ‘Note to self: Don’t let Spock pinch me again.’

Jim pushed himself up in his seat and tried to ignore the pain shooting up his neck and through his ribs. He hurt in so many places it was ridiculous. When this day was over Bones was liable to kill him for making them worry so much. He was sure there was going to be a long lecture from Bones and once Gabriel found out…well, crap his son would lecture him while Mr. Freedman just stood by and grinded. Sam would lecture him and Aurelan would certainly be yelling at him for risking himself and for getting tossed off the ship by his own fiancé. Jim really didn’t want to think about how Dr. Phlox would laugh at him before logically pointing out what he should have done before meandering into a story about something that happened while he served on the Archer’s Enterprise.

**“Location: Delta Vega. Class-M planet. Unsafe. There is a Starfleet outpost fourteen kilometers to the northwest. Remain in your pod until ... summoned authorities.”**

“Oh, you've got to be kidding me.” Jim shook his head at the response from the escape pods computer. Like _Hell_ he was going to wait in here while Spock and the Enterprise were going off in the wrong direction! He was not about to allow the fool to let his grief cloud his judgment enough that it would cost them their son and all the people Jim loved and called family. He didn’t care what it would cost to him but he was going to stop Nero and save Gabriel and the Earth. He would not let anyone harm his son!

Ignoring the computers warning he pulled on the survival jacket, grabbed his communicator and kicked open the door to the pod. “Holy shit!”

Jim gave a violent shiver as the freezing air hit him full on. It circled into the pod, wrapping around him in a deadly caress reminding him that he would need to take great care. This wasn’t Earth where is could get help relatively quick. This was Delta Vega, a fucking ice moon where there was only one damn outpost! It was like god damned Hoth! Jim let out a slew of curses as he closed the pod door behind him and began the long climb up out of the crater that his escape pod had made into the ice covered surface of the planet.

It took longer than Jim would have liked to reach the surface of the planet. The ice wall he had to climb melted under his hands, soaking into the fabric of his gloves and then freezing in the biting cold of the air, stiffening his fingers. It got progressively harder to keep a hold of the handholds he could find as he made his way up and on more than one occasion he lost his grip and side several feet down the wall before catching another hold. If the life of his son didn’t hang on him getting off this frozen waste of a moon he likely would have turned around and gotten back into the pod. But his son’s life was on the line and Spock didn’t know he had a son to save. That he was going to be throwing that life and billions of others away if he joined the rest of the fleet rather than chasing after Nero.

When Jim finally reached the surface he couldn’t help but collapse in the snow as he tried to catch his breath. He wanted to lay there and just wait for someone to come along but he was smart enough to know that he would be dead by the time they did. So pushing himself back to his feet with a groan he gave the crater he had climbed out of a last look before Turning to scout out the area around him. Unfortunately the flat waste of an ice plane stretching as far as his eyes could see filled every direction. Groaning he pulled out his communicator before turning and walking into the white wasteland sprawled out before him.

It was hard to say how far he had gone from the escape pod since the landscape all look about the same and the wind and falling snow was hiding any trace of his passing. Becoming more and more irritated by the situation as a whole Jim had taken to ranting to himself. Perhaps an hour passed, maybe longer or maybe it was actually less, Jim didn’t know. But eventually the flat plains of ice began to shift into hills. Tall spires of ice and frozen rock began to dot the landscape. Still it told him nothing about how close he was getting to the outpost. Eventually he realized that if he was going to freeze to death here before he could reach the Starfleet outpost he wanted to leave a record of his statement as to what had really happened.

“Stardate twenty-two fifty-eight point four two, four uh, four whatever. Acting Captain Spock has marooned me on Delta Vega, what I believe to be a violation of security protocol forty-nine point oh nine, covering the treatment of prisoners aboard as starship.” Jim paused and looked around trying to get his bearings again.

“Why the pointy-eared bastard couldn’t let me explain why joining the fleet would doom Earth to Vulcan’s fate is unknown. As it stands if I live through this and can’t get Acting Captain Spock to listen to reason and head to Earth, I will likely end up arrested for killing him. He may have lost his Mother but I have lost both parents to Nero and I am not willing to lose my son and my planet as well--”

Jim paused to listen to the wind. He had though he had heard something. Squinting past the thick cover of falling snow he began scanning his surroundings as he heard it again. Still faint, but louder now. The sound was more easy to hear over the sound of the wind. It was high-pitched, almost girly sounding if it wasn’t for the fact it was raising the hairs on the back of his neck and making his heart speed up in his chest. Turning around, he looked back the way he had come.

He could just see something through the snow. Something moving fast. As it got closer the outline of the creature started to get clearer. It almost had the shape of a bear. Fear starting to become more noticeable Jim swallowed hard as the creature finally took shape. It was covered in dark fur with a long white, lion like mane and some rather long sharp looking teeth.

“Whoah!” Spinning around, Jim turned and ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction from the strange lion-bear thing, a drakoulias his mind supplied unhelpfully. The snow was thick and cushiony beneath his feet, making running difficult but Jim didn’t care. As long as he could stay ahead of the monster he was safe. It would give him time to think of some way to escape with his life. He wasn’t going to die here. Gabriel would never forgive him and Spock would never get to meet his son!

“Agh!”

Jim turned to glance over his shoulder. Gulping he realized it had gotten even closer. Which shouldn’t have surprised him since an animal running on four feet that were adapted for this environment would certainly have better traction and speed than a pitfull two-legged human. Looking back in front of him he barely managed to catch sight of a small frozen rock jutting up from the ground in front of him, before his foot connected with it and brought him crashing to the ground. Pushing himself back up as fast as he could Jim kept running, even as the drakoulias took a swap at his back, it’s claws just missing the back of his snow jacket.

“Ahhhh!”

Knowing it was a mistake, Jim looked over his shoulder again as the monster let out another of its high pitched keening cries. Stumbling forward his eyes went wide as the ground underneath the drakoulias exploded upwards.

Screaming, Jim crashed to the ground, the freezing snow going up his sleeves and down his back through his hood. Rolling over onto his back, Jim turned to see what had become of the monster hunting him down.

“Oh fuck. This is sooo not my day.”

A large red hengrauggi was standing about a hundred feet away, gnawing on the bleeding corpse of the drakoulias. Jim swallowed and crab walked away from it as he watched it toss what was left of the drakoulias’ body away. Knowing that his chance of surviving this had just dropped drastically he fought to get up as the hengrauggi turned to face him.

“Oh," he gasped.

The new beast leaned into his face, it mouth opening wide as it let out a loud roar, the force of which caused Jim to stumble back a few feet. This was not good. It was sooo not good! Not stopping to think it over further Jim turn away again and ran deeper into the frozen wasteland. Jumping and dodging the occasion jut of frozen stone and ice Jim barely managed to keep ahead of the hengrauggi’s long limbs.

“Oh shiiiittt,” scream Jim as the ground beneath his feet vanished. He barely managed to pull himself into a ball as he fell down the side of the cliff that had been hidden by the falling snow. He grunted and groaned as his body impacted the frozen ground, new bruises blooming all over his body.

Above him the hengrauggi bellowed in rage as it watched him fall further and further out of its reach. Suddenly the ledge it had been standing on gave way and it went tumbling down the cliff face along with Jim. Its limbs were twisting and waving in the air and the snow burst around it’s heavy body.

As Jim’s body slowed to a halt on the smooth flat surface of the ground at the base of the cliff he could still hear the hengrauggi screaming over the sound of the cliff face breaking apart. Groaning he leaned up on his elbow, watching as the creature crashed into the stone outcroppings. Realizing that its fall would cause it to land on top of him He pushed himself up the rest of the way and started running. Or at least he tried to. Slipping on the ground he realized that it wasn’t just snow he was standing on but a frozen lake. Screaming again he finally got some traction under his feet and just in time. Behind him the hengrauggi pierced the ice with it’s forelegs, pulling itself up to give chase.

Before him the veil of snow parted just enough for him to spot the edge of the froze lake and the black, gaping maw of a cave. Knowing this was his only chance for safety he made a beeline for the cave, darting inside as the hengrauggi got ever closer. Not knowing if the great red beast would be able to fit in the cave opening he kept running, trying to get as far into the cave as possible.

Behind him stone shattered. Shrapnel flying from the now shattered cave mouth, striking Jim in the back and shoulder as the beast plowed its way into the cave. Dodging around frozen stalagtites and stalagmites he barely managed to dodge the outstretched claws of the beasts front feet. Still, salvation wasn’t there yet. The hengrauggi opened its mouth and shot it’s tongue out like a lasso, wrapping around his right foot, yanking Jim’s foot out from beneath him. Jim groaned in pain as his chin smacked into the ground. He rolled onto his back and tried kicking at the hengrauggi’s tongues and legs, hoping against hope that they would release him so that he could escape.

From elsewhere a golden, flickering light began to shine against the hengrauggi’s red flesh, spreading to reveal more of the great beast as the light got closer. The beast cried out at the light, jerking away from Jim, its tongues releasing their grip on his legs. Gasping Jim jerked back against the wall as a man, dressed all in gray snow wear moved between him and the hengrauggi, waving a burning torch at the beast. The beast roared its anger but escaped out of the cave as the man moved closer and closer to it, the flames from his torch brushing the beasts red hide.

The figure stood there for a moment, his back to Jim, as he watch the monster retreat back over the frozen lake to vanish into the snowy waste. Jim blinked as the man turned around to face him. He was an old man. He looked to be at least in his eighties, but judging age on a Vulcan was never easy. He was also looking at Jim with wonder and perhaps even love. That was a new one.

“James T. Kirk.”

“Excuse me?” Jim looked the old Vulcan over again. There was something very familiar about his face and his voice… His voice was deep and rich, but the timber of it was so very familiar.

“How did you find me?”

Jim stood up, his eyes never leaving the old Vulcans. “How do you know my name?”

“I have been, and always shall be, your friend.”

“Wha... oh, look... uh, I don't know you.” Jim chuckled at little at the old Vulcan. He knew only two Vulcans. Sarek and Spock. And this man…well he was neither.

“I am Spock.”

“Bullshit.” Jim couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it, was actually trying not to. But, it made a lot of strange sense that this guy was Spock, or at least related to him. He looked a lot like what Jim imagined and old Spock would look like.

“So…Where’d you find wood for a fire?” He gets marooned by his own Spock and then gets fucking rescued by an older version of Spock! This day was going down as being completely bat-shit crazy all around.

The so called Spock raised at eyebrow at him the same way his own Spock had and ignoring Jim’s question, led Jim further into the cave where a small fire was burning. Jim watched the Vulcan slowly lower himself onto a stone ledge by the fire, placing the torch back into the flames. Jim moved opposite, crouching by the fire to warm himself.

“It is remarkably pleasing to see you again, old friend. Especially after the events of today.”

“Uh, sir I appreciate what you did for me today, but, but if you were Spock you would know we're not friends at all. We, you know…uh…might have been friends at one time, but that was a lifetime ago. Now, well now you hate me, you marooned me here for mutiny.”

Old Spock looked at Jim, the confusion obvious in his eyes. “Mutiny?”

“Yes.”

“You are not the Captain?”

Jim shook his head and look down at the ground. The Vulcan sounded so surprised that Jim wasn’t Captain, as if Jim could be anything but that. “No, no. Umm... you're the Captain. Pike was taken hostage.” Jim turned away, placing his back to the fire as he gazed out at the blizzard through a crack in the cave wall.

“By Nero.”

Jim turned back around to look at old Spock. “What do you know about him?”

“He is a particularly troubled Romulan.” Spock stood and moved to stand by Jim. He raised his hand as he approached, the fingers spreading into a shape Jim remembered from a lifetime ago. “Please, allow me. It will be easier.”

“Whoah, whoah. What are you doin'?” Honestly, did every Spock want to mess with his brain? He didn’t mind so much the whole mind meld sex thing but it was a bit cold and they were in a crisis here, not good conditions for sexy times. Not that he would say no. It had been like five, maybe six years since he had gotten laid and honestly he wasn’t sure he could count the one time post-Spock, since he was so drunk at the time that he barely remembered going home with her.

“Our minds. One and together.” Spock slowly brought his hands to Jim’s face, watching to see if Jim would object. When he didn’t Spock placed his hands on Jim’s face.

“One hundred twenty-nine years from now, a star will explode, and threaten to destroy the galaxy.” With a sudden jerk Jim found himself pulled into a mental space he had not been in what seemed like forever. It was the same as when they were teens and yet…and yet it was also different. This was Spock, but not the Spock he knew and loved.

Suddenly a flurry of images where passing in front of him. Stars passed in a whirl of light, his mind sailing through them, past asteroids and planets until it hovered in front of a sun that exploded. Surging into a brilliant nova. This new Spock standing on Vulcan with a dark skinned Vulcan and looking worried and determined. A ship with a strange red ball inside, sailing away from Vulcan and deep into space. A planet so like Vulcan but so very different being incinerated by the waves of flames spreading out from the dying sun. Spock drawing out a bead of red from the large ball and launching it into the nova star.

Jim watched in horror as the star swirled into the gaping darkness of a black hole like the one that had consumed Vulcan. Watched as Nero began chasing Spock into the black hole. In his mind Jim screamed as he watched Nero destroy the USS Kelvin. His mind raged at the sight. Only to feel as if it was breaking apart as he watched Spock watch Vulcan swallow itself whole. His grief at failing to save Romulus and Vulcan, ripping through Jim’s soul like a rusted chainsaw.

He could feel Spock trying to draw away but the raw pain shared between them was pulling him deeper into Jim’s mind to where the fragile bond between younger Spock and Jim was fluttering and flickering as it tried to survive. Memories rushed around them again, but this time it was Spock lost to the memories in Jim’s mind. Lost in a sea of abuse and loneliness until a ray of light found him.

Spock saw himself, young. Younger than he had been upon first meeting Jim. But here he was, watching himself reach out to Jim. Caressing Jim, kissing Jim, surrounding Jim with all the love the affection-starved boy turned girl could want. He watched Jim lose his virginity to Spock countless times. Watched Jim talk and laugh with his Mother and Father. He felt the crippling grief as Spock got in the hovercar and drove away. He watched as Jim learned about his baby. Spock’s child. His child! He watched as Jim placed a hand over his belly as their child first began to move. He watched as Jim thought his stepfather had killed his child. He watched Jim’s family led him to his son. He watched as Jim named his son. Watched Jim hold his child for the first time. He watched Gabriel take his first step and say his first word, Daddy! He watched Jim sending out countless letter about Gabriel, never to receive a response. He watched as Spock stood in front of the Starfleet court and threw Jim’s father’s death at him like Jim and his family meant nothing. He watched as the last string of hope that Spock loved him faltered.

With a gasp Spock pulled back, yanking their minds apart even as Jim’s mind reached out for him. Jim stumbled away from him, his forehead coated in sweat and his eyes wet with tears.

“Forgive me. Emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld.”

“So you do feel,” the words came out soft as if Jim was saying them more to himself than to Spock. He had begun think that Spock didn’t feel. That he had returned to Vulcan and whipped away all his emotions in regards to Jim and what had been forming between them back in Iowa. But here was an older Spock, his mind full of grief for his people and the Romulan people…and for his love of Jim.

“Yes.”

Jim looked away, not ready yet to face Spock. “Going back in time, you changed all our lives.”

“I saw as such in your mind.” Old Spock gave Jim a surprisingly warm look. This Spock…this Spock understood his pain. He could remember feeling it in Spock’s mind hovering over memories that they had shared in between the flashes of destruction and grief. This Spock had been in Jim’s place once. “Jim, we must go. There is a Starfleet outpost not far from here.”

Turning away from the fire, Spock walked back towards the cave entrance. Jim watched him go for a moment, remembering the life he had caught glimpses of in the meld. “Wait. Where you came from,” Jim paused suddenly unsure if he wanted to know the answer. But if there was one thing James T Kirk wasn’t it was a coward. “Did I know my father?”

Spock stopped and turned again to face Jim. “Yes. You often spoke of him as being your inspiration for joining Starfleet. He proudly lived to see you become Captain of the Enterprise.”

“Captain?” Jim could hardly believe it. There was a reality out there where he had known his Father. Where he didn’t have to grow up with Frank and where he had been a Captain. Captain of the Enterprise, no less! Maybe there was hope. Jim might never get to be the captain of that fine lady in this universe, but maybe…just maybe he would still get to Captain another Starship.

“A ship we must return you to as soon as possible.”

The walk to the Starfleet outpost was just as fun as the walk from the escape pod had been before Jim had stumbled upon the drakoulias. The expanse of snow covered ground had to be one of the most boring sights Jim had ever seen, which said a lot given that he grew up in the middle of nowhere. Still it was going to be a long walk and if the looks old Spock was giving him then it was probably going to involve a lot of talking about the past.

Jim leaned his head back, allowing the snow to land on his face as he stared up at the sky. He couldn’t see the Enterprise of course but he could imagine her up there, soaring through the heavens as Spock drove her into to retreating. “You might as well ask.”

Spock arched an eyebrow. “Indeed? And what shall I ask?”

Jim dropped his head back down and turned to gaze at the old Vulcan. “Ask what ever it is that is floating around in that head of yours. Because there is obviously something on your mind.”

“Indeed.” Spock looked away form Jim and for several minutes neither said a word as they walked through the snow. “You have a son.”

“Gabriel.” Jim couldn’t help but smile. “He’s the most important thing in the world to me.”

“As he should be.”

Jim looked over at Spock. “Did the other me…did he have any kids?”

A sad look past briefly over old Spock’s eyes as he look at Jim. “He did. A son called David.”

“He wasn’t yours then?”

“No. My Jim and I never had the opportunity to have children together.”

“I’m sorry.” Jim couldn’t imagine not having his son in his life. Without Gabriel Jim was sure he would have ended up being the drunk asshat that Uhura always said he was.

“Do not be. It s something I accepted many years ago.”

“Still…” Jim reached out, taking Spock’s hand in his. “When this is over, if we’re still alive and Earth…” Jim swallowed, suddenly remembering that if they didn’t hurry Gabriel and the rest of the people on Earth would not be there to welcome them home. “And Earth is still there, you can come home with me to meet Gabriel. The other Spock, he doesn’t seem to want either of us, so if you do…if you want to be part of our family we’ll be glad to have you.”

“He is a fool to have tossed aside such an opportunity. Perhaps in time he will realize what it is that he has chosen to give up and at that time if he is anything like I am, he shall seek you out. Give him time, Jim. At his age I was not comfortable with being who ad what I was. It left me in a state where I was unprepared to accept much about myself and about the people most important to me.”

“Well, you seem to have worked through that.”

The corners of Spock’s mouth tilted up as he nodded slightly at Jim. “It many years of what you humans would call ‘soul searching; and during that time I made many mistakes which hurt those I care deeply for.”

“Well, that sucks.”

“Indeed.” Spock stopped and turned to face Jim. His gloved hands reached out, gently stroking Jim’s cheek. “Although the wait for me to understand was painful for both of us, it was worth it. We defined each other in ways you cannot yet fully imagine. I am not whole without Jim as he was not whole without me.”

“Wow. That sounds like something straight up out of old Grandma Kirk’s romance novels.” Jim smiled and leaned into Spock’s hand.

Spock’s lips twitched up again. “Indeed. Our tale has been turned into such a book numerous times since we served on the Enterprise.”

“Okay, that is not a comfortable thought. I don’t know how I feel about the idea of someone writing a steamy romcom about Spock and I.”

“There shall be time to think on it later.” Spock let his hand drop and the two turned back into the snow. They were close enough now to see the dark outline of the building ahead.

It would not take more than a few minutes to reach the outpost now and while Jim was sad that that meant they couldn’t keep talking, he was glad. Glade because that meant he could find a way back onboard Enterprise and with this old Spock at his side he could convince his Spock that they needed to get to Earth as fast as possible. He didn’t know what he could say to convince Spock. Would he have to tell him about Gabriel in front of everyone? Would he have to condemn Spock for letting everyone else onboard suffer his fate because he was scared? There were too many options and most of them would not lead to a positive outcome. Still, he would have to try. He wasn’t willing to give up so easily.

The door to the outpost screeched as it opened and before them all Jim could see was a long tunnel with flickering green lights showing off walls that looked as if they hadn’t been cleaned in decades. Spock moved into the hall without hesitation but Jim couldn’t help but be reminded of all the horror movies he watched with Sam as a child. Pushing down the memories he stepped inside and pulled on the heavy metal door, closing them in. Panting he walked up to where Spock stood looking down at the end of the hall.

“Hello,” Jim called out.

The echo of a metallic object suddenly dropping to the floor was the only reply until a small figure appeared in the doorway. Jim glanced over at Spock, hoping the old Vulcan had some idea of what to expect, but Spock looked just as curious as Jim was and perhaps even a bit worried.

There was a room at the end but Jim wasn’t sure what all the pipes and panels he could see from here were for. There was a voice as were, loud in the otherwise silent building. Whatever the voice was saying it certainly sounded irritated. Together they watched the figure jog towards them, Spock finally pulling open his hood as the diminutive alien stopped before them.

Jim honestly wasn’t sure what species this…man…women…whatever, was. It looked like it was made out of stone. Its face was wide with flaring ridges of hard looking flesh spreading out from the center of its face. It eyes, which had been hidden behind protective goggles, were like hard obsidian nubs, pocking out from the deep-set eye sockets. Flicking its gaze between them it turn back to the open doorway at the end of the hall and waved for them to follow it.

They made there was through the doorway and took a right turn past all the pipes and panels into a large space filled with heavy equipment and leftover bits and pieces of other machines and even some old lockers and office furniture that looked to have been sitting there abandoned since the twentieth century. Steam was venting up through grates in the floor filling the otherwise cold room with pockets of warmth.

It was a short pocket past one of these vents that the alien led them to a small makeshift office space, lit up with a panel of florescent lights. There were three tables covered in computers and machine parts forming a hexagon shaped space with some shelving and larger computer hard drives. In the center, laying back with his feet propped up on one of the desks was a man. He was covered in grime and soot and layered in worn out dirty brown clothing. In fact, it looked to Jim like the only clean piece of cloths he had on (that Jim could see anyway) was a knitted black skull cap.

“What?” The man pulled the cap up from over his eyes as the smaller alien moved to stand beside him. Without even glancing at the alien the an lifted his head from the back of the chair to look at them, his eyes telling them exactly how he felt about seeing them standing there. “You realize how unacceptable this is?”

Old Spock cocked his head to the side as he looked over the man. “Fascinating.”

“What?” Other than how one person could stand to be so dirty or how thick his Scottish accent was, Jim wasn’t sure what Spock found fascinating about the man.

“Yeah, I'm sure you're just doing your job, but could you not come a wee bit sooner?” The Scottish man dropped his feet to the floor, finally sitting upright. “Six months I've been here, living off Starfleet protein nibs,” here so upset, the man actually threw a bag of the protein nibs at them, “and a promise of a good meal. And I know exactly what's going on here, okay. Punishment, isn't it? Ongoing, for something that was clearly an accident.”

“You are Montgomery Scott.”

Jim turned to face Spock at the sound of obvious affection in the old Vulcan’s voice. “You know him?”

“Aye, that's me. You're in the right place. Unless there's another hard-working, equally starved Starfleet officer around.”

“Me,” chimed in the little alien in a voice that sounded a bit more male than female.

“Keenser, shut up! You don't eat anything. You can eat like a bean, and you're done. I'm talking about food. Real food. But, you're here now, so thank you. Where is it?” Mister Scott stood up and paced over to the chair at the second desk, before once again sitting down.

“You are, in fact, the Mister Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming.”

“That's what I'm talking about. How'd you think I wound up here? I had a little debate with my instructor on the issue of relativistic physics and how it pertains to subspace travel. He seemed to think that the range of transporting something like a, like a grapefruit, was limited to about a hundred miles. I told him that I could not only beam a grapefruit from one planet to the adjacent planet in the same system, which is easy by the way, I could do it with a lifeform. So, I tested it on Admiral Archer's prized beagle.” Mister Scott raised his cup to them and took a long drink.

“Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it,” Jim didn’t like where this was going suddenly. From the look on Spock’s face they had just found their way onto the Enterprise but something told him this transwarp beaming hadn’t gone so well for it’s first test subject.

Mister Scott set his cup own and winched. “I'll tell you when it reappears. I don't know. I do feel guilty about that.”

Spock gave Mister Scott and affectionate Vulcan grin as he spoke. “What if I told you that your transwarp theory was correct? That it is indeed possible to beam onto a ship that is traveling at warp speed?”

“I think if that equation had been discovered, I'd have heard about it.”

“The reason you haven't heard about it, Mister Scott, is because you haven't discovered it yet.”

Mister Scott gave Spock a look like he couldn’t believe he was stuck here on this frozen moon for six months only to then be stuck with a crazy Vulcan, inferring he was from the future. “I'm a, uh, what... Are you from the future?”

Not wanting this conversation too take too much more of their precious time, Jim interrupted. “Yeah. He is, I'm not.”

“Well that's brilliant. Do they still have sandwiches there?”

A quick explanation later and the four of them were in another section of the outpost. It looked to be the dumping ground for the whole place, which was somewhat worrying since most of the building looked like a dumping ground. But there in the middle was an old transport shuttle.

Approaching the shuttle, Scotty turned to face them, a crooked smile on his face. “Well, she's a wee bit dodgy. Shield emitters are totally banjaxed, as well as a few other things. In you go.” Scotty took one last look at its external power source before flipping his wrench in the air like a baton and waving Jim around to the side where the open hatch was. “So, the Enterprise has had its maiden voyage, has it? She is one well endowed lady. I'd like to get my hands on her ample nacelles, if you'll pardon the engineering parlance.”

The inside of the shuttle was cleaner than Jim thought it would be from the appearance of the outside. Still, there were exposed wires everywhere and some of the consoles were covered in a thick layer of dust. Spock ignored all of that and moved directly to the console he wanted as if he had spent years working on this small, broken down shuttle. It was both reassuring and worrying to Jim.

Scotty followed Spock inside and over to the far console, leaning against it as he started talking. “Except, the thing is, even if I believed you, right, where you're from, what I've done, I don't, by the way, you're still talking about beaming aboard the Enterprise while she's traveling faster-than-light, without a proper receiving pattern.”

Standing up Scotty walked over to where the alien, Keesner, was sitting on the safety handles for the small personal transport pads. “Get off there! It's not a climbing frame.” Shaking his head at his alien companion he walked back over to where Spock was finishing up with the console. “The notion of transwarp beaming is like, trying to hit a bullet with a smaller bullet whilst wearing a blindfold, riding a horse. What's that?”

“Your equation for achieving transwarp beaming.” Finished putting the information in and more than a little amused with the younger version of one of his closest friend Spock move awy from the console letting Scotty take his place.

“Imagine that. It never occurred to me to think of space as the thing that was moving.”

Jim looked away from where Scotty was sitting, excitedly going over the equations Spock had placed in the terminal, to where Spock was now working over by the transporters. “You're coming with us, right?”

Spock looked over his shoulder at Jim, an almost wistful look in his old eyes. “No, Jim. That is not my destiny.”

“Your dest... Fuck that! He... the other Spock is not going to believe me. Only you can explain what's gonna happen.”

“Under no circumstances, can he be aware of my existence. You must promise me this.”

“You're telling me I, I can't tell you that I'm following your own orders. Why not? What happens?”

“Jim, this is one rule you cannot break. To stop Nero, you alone must take command of your ship.”

“How? Over your dead body?” Jim looked at Spock, irritated beyond belief. How was he supposed to convince Spock of what needed to be done without this older Spock there as confirmation of what was really happening and what would happen if they didn’t chase after Nero right away.

“Preferably not. However, there is Starfleet regulation six-one-nine. Six-one-nine states that any command officer who's emotionally compromised by the mission at hand, must resign said command.”

“So, so you're saying that I have to emotionally compromise you guys?” Jim was confused. If the death of Amanda and the entire planet of Vulcan hadn’t caused Spock to break down sobbing before marooning him, what could Jim possibly do to change that?

“Jim, I just lost my planet. I can tell you, I am emotionally compromised. What you must do is get me to show it.” His voice, rough with age was suddenly rough with all the control it was obviously taking to hold back this Spock grief and guilt over the loss of his people.

“You’re not the same people, Spock. My Sp…the younger Spock, he doesn’t seem to feel anything anymore for me so I don’t understand how my confronting him will change anything. I tried before and it got me jettisoned here and nearly eaten by two rather ugly monsters!”

“Jim,” Spock reached out, placing his hand on Jim's shoulder. “You must try. This reality may be different than my own but I am still Spock and he is still me. We are one in the same. You must trust me that he is barely holding onto the controls of his will. It is why he flees rather than confronting the man responsible for our Mother’s death.”

Jim sighed and leaned forward, his head resting against the older Spock’s collarbone. “Please just come with me. I can’t do this without you. You don’t have to face him. You can…you can just blend in with the other refugee that were beamed onboard. Please, Spock. Don’t make me do this alone.”

For a long moment neither said anything. They just stood there leaning into each other and sharing their grief. “Very well.” The words the soft, barley a whisper against Jim’s ear, but they made him feel like this was going to be possible now. Even if he didn’t have his Spock on his side, he still had this other, older, wiser Spock waiting for him, believing in him.

“Aye then, Laddie. Live or die, let's get this over with.”

Jim stepped away from Spock and moved to take the empty transport pad next to Scotty. Spock gave him one last lingering look before joining him on the empty pad on the other side of Scotty. Keesner stood before Scotty, gazing up at his friend before trying to get onto the transporter pad as well.

Scotty looked down at Keesner, gently pushing him off the pad. “You cannae come with me. Go on.”

Jim leaned forward to look around the divider to where Spock was waiting to be beamed up. “You're coming back in time, changing history, it's cheating.”

Spock turned a soft little smile at him. “A trick I learned from an old friend.” Looking away from Jim to where Keesner was sadly sitting by the transporter controls, Spock raised his hand in the ta’al. “Live long and prosper.”

With a crackle and a surge of golden light they were swallowed up by the transporter, vanishing from Keesner’s sight. Sadly, now alone, Keesner whimpered.

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

**Bridge, USS Enterprise**

 

“Captain Spock, detecting unauthorized access to water turbine control board.”

Spock looked over to where Chekov was sitting and moved away from his Father. “Bring up the video.”

A small window popped up on the main view screen showing the slightly blurry image of James T Kirk and another unidentified man running through Engineering.

“Security, seal the engineering deck. We have intruders in turbine section three. Set phasers to stun.”

It took a surprisingly little amount of time for the security team to arrive on the Bridge, flanking Cadet Kirk and the still unidentified human male. Spock looked away from the console and his Father and strode over to stand in front of Cadet Kirk. There was a lurching feeling in his abdomen, where his heart was suddenly beating faster. Cadet Kirk looked even more beat up than he had prior to be left on Delta Vega. Why the Cadet had not obeyed the escape pods recommendation to remain safely inside it was a mystery. It was not logical. Behind him he could hear his Father moving closer and Spock knew he was watching Spock. Studying his son and how he was going to handle this sudden and unexpected interruption.

Deciding to go with the easiest option first, Spock looked to the soaking wet stranger. “Who are you?”

Looking a bit confused the man glanced over at Cadet Kirk. “I'm with him.”

“He's with me,” the cadet replied defiantly.

Ignoring Cadet Kirk for now Spock focused again on the still unnamed stranger. “We're traveling at warp speed. How did you manage to beam aboard this ship?”

“You're the genius, you figure it out,” snarked Kirk.

“As Acting Captain of this vessel, I order you to answer the question.”

“Well I'm not telling, Acting Captain. What di... What, now, that doesn't frustrate you, does it? My lack of cooperation. That, that doesn't make you angry?”

Indeed it did frustrate him. He could not understand why Cadet Kirk did not understand that Spock was doing what was right. What was best for everyone onboard. Pushing away the strange feeling of hurt that thought caused Spock looked away from Kirk to the other man. “Are you a member of Starfleet?”

“I.. um.. yes. Can I get a towel, please?”

“Under penalty of court martial, I order you to explain to me how you were able to beam aboard this ship while moving at warp.”

“Well...,” Began the stranger only to be interrupted by Cadet Kirk.

“Don't answer him.”

“You will answer me.”

The stranger glanced between the two of them, obviously uncomfortable with finding himself in this situation. “I'd rather not take sides.”

Cadet Kirk step up to Spock, so close that Spock could feel the soft brush of the Cadet’s words against his skin. His rich blue eyes, so very familiar, were piercing Spock, as if they could see into the very heart of his person. “What is it with you, Spock? Hmm? Your planet was just destroyed, your mother murdered, and you're not even upset.”

“If you're presuming that these experiences in any way impede my ability to command this ship, you are mistaken.”

“And yet you were the one who said fear was necessary for command. Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?”

“Yes, of course I did.”

“So, are you afraid or aren't you?”

“I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.” Spock wanted to growl, to press forward until they were touching, until he could feel the beat of Cadet Kirk’s heart against his chest.

Once again Cadet Kirk stepped forward, until they were indeed touching. Chest to chest and groin to groin. “Then why don't you stop me.”

Spock felt his body responding, growing hard and throbbing, his heart pounding in his side and the strangely familiar feel of Cadet Kirk’s body pressed against his own. He had never met Cadet Kirk prior to the Cadet taking the Kobayashi Maru sim for the third time, but each time he looked at the Cadet he felt as if he should know him. As if he had known him for a lifetime and beyond. More than a little uncomfortable Spock glanced away from the Cadet’s hypnotic eyes. “Step away from me, Mister...”

“What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?”

Shaking with desire and fury both Spock tried again to make the Cadet move back. “Back away from me...”

Anger now flashing like a storm through the cadet’s eyes he yelled back at Spock, pressing his body even closer. “You feel nothing! It must not even compute for you! You never loved her! You abandoned her! You left her as and never came back!”

Something snapped inside Spock at the words. At the declaration that Spock did not love his Mother. That he had abandoned his K’diwa! He did not know how Cadet Kirk knew about his Jim, or about how much Spock ached for her but he didn’t care. At the moment all he cared about was hurting the Cadet as much as the Cadet’s words had hurt him. With a loud cry he swung his fist into the Cadet’s face, throwing him back into the security team and the console behind them before launching himself at the Cadet. Grabbing the Cadet’s shirt he flung him back towards the center of the Bridge and took aim at him again. This time the Cadet was quicker, launching his own attack at Spock. Blocking the attack he punched the Cadet past the Captain’s chair, slamming his fist down on the Cadet’s arms and punching at his now exposed ribs. With a cry of pain the Cadet fell back against the navigation console, trying in vain to stand before Spock was once more atop him. Punching him again and again, Spock knocked the Cadet over to the pilots console before reaching out to pin the Cadet down. His hand locked on the Cadet’s throat, squeezing down, Spock snarled and watched as Cadet Kirk struggled to breath. Some part of him enjoyed watching the pitiful human struggle against his superior strength while another part of him was screaming to release the Cadet, that he would never forgive himself if he killed this most special human.

“Spock,” his Father’s voice cut through the red haze that was taking him over. Realizing what he was doing, what he had nearly done, Spock realized Cadet Kirk and lurched away from him. Unable to look at the bruised and battered form before him.

Gazing up at his Father’s stern face Spock looked to the floor, stumbling away from the still wheezing Cadet. “Doctor, I am no longer fit for duty. I hereby relinquish my command, based on the fact that I have been emotionally compromised. Please note the time and date in the ship's log.”

Still shaken by his violent and sexually excited reaction to Cadet Kirk he stumbled past the Bridge crew towards the turbolifts. Uhura moved towards him, her face full of grief and sorrow, but she did not follow.

Hands still raised in a motion of surrender, Scotty looked around the deck at all the frightened faces. It was too quiet, the emotions too heavy. “I like this ship! You know, it's exciting.”

Bones looked over at the soaked Scotsman before turning to glare at his best friend. “Well, congratulations, Jim. Now we've got no Captain and no goddamn first officer to replace him.”

“Yeah we do.” Finally able to breath again Jim moved awy from Sulu’s battered console to sit down in the Captain’s Chair, Pike’s chair. His hands tightly gripped the arm rests and it took everything he had not to winch as Sarek looked him over, recognition in his dark eyes.

“What,” cried Bones.

From the other side of the Captain’s Chair Sulu piped up. “Pike made him first officer.”

“You've got to be kidding me.”

Jim glanced up at his best friend before looking away. “Thanks for the support.”

More than a little pissed off Uhura strode over to Kirk, glaring for all she was worth. “I sure hope you know what you're doing, _Captain_.”

Jim glanced up at her. She didn’t like him, hated him probably even more now, but he couldn’t worry about that. Right now he could only worry about whether or not the Old Spock and his plans would succeed in saving the Earth and all of Jim’s special people. “So do I.”

Glancing down at the Comm button on the chair’s armrest rest Jim sped onto the next part of the plan. “Attention crew of the Enterprise, this is James Kirk. Mister Spock has resigned commission and advanced me to Acting Captain. I know you were all expecting to regroup with fleet, but I'm ordering a pursuit course of the enemy ship to Earth. I want all departments at battle stations and ready in ten minutes. Either we're going down, or they are. Kirk out.”

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

**Transporter room, USS Enterprise**

Not knowing where to go for sollance, Spock found himself back in the transporter room, staring at the pad where his Mother should have beamed up to safety on. He knew it could offer only cold comfort but he did not think that anything more would be available to him.

“Speak your mind, Spock.”

“That would be unwise,” the words came out quietly almost fragile.

Sarek looked up at his son, standing before him like the lost little child he had once been. “What is necessary is never unwise.”

“I'm as conflicted as I once was as a child.”

Sarek realized that he could no longer behind his shield of Vulcanness. He son, his precious son was hurting and Sarek could no longer forgive himself for not saying the words that had been in his heart since he had first heard Spock’s heart beating over the health monitor so many years ago. “You will always be a child of two worlds. I am grateful for this. And for you.”

Stunned Spock turned to face his father. “I feel anger for the one who took mother's life. An anger I cannot control.”

Watching his son, Sarek moved up onto the transporter pad to stand beside his son. “I believe, as she would say, ‘do not try to.’ You asked me once why I married your mother. I married her because I loved her.”

“You loved her?”

Sarek looked at his son and allowed a small sad twitch of his lips to show. “I loved since I first saw her and I loved her more each day I spent with her. As I love you, Spock.” Sarek turned to step drown from the transporter pad. “Will you follow Jim Kirk and defend your Mother’s birth place?”

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

**Bridge, USS ENterprise**

 

On the Bridge the remaining Command team was working on coming up with a function plan on how to catch up to Nero and stop him before he could destroy Earth and any more Federation planets. At the back of the room Ensign Chekov was working out a complicated series of numbers and formulas, a wide grin spreading across his face.

“Whatever the case, we need to get aboard Nero's ship undetected,” stated Jim.

Bones shook his head, looking upset. “And just go in there guns blazing, Jim. No...”

”I'm telling you the math doesn't support...,” chimed in Sulu only to interrupted by an excited Chekov.

“Captain Kork, Captain Kork!”

Jim turned around to face the curly haired Ensign. “Yes, Chekov. What is it?”

“Based on the fastest course from Wulcan, I have projected that

Nero will travel past Saturn. Like you said, we need to stay inwisible to Nero or he'll destroy us. If Mister Scott can get us to warp factor four, and if we drop out of warp behind one of Saturn's moons, say, Titan, the magnetic distortion from the planet's rings will make us inwisible to Nero's sensors. From there, as long as the drill is not actiwated we can beam aboard the enemy ship.”

“Aye, that might work.” Jim and the other turned to look at Scotty, now dressed in a Red uniform and mostly dry. The Scottish man was watching them all with an impressed look on his face as he shoved a towel into his ear trying to dry it out.

Bones shook his head at the Scotsman before realizing that they were basing their plan around something a kid, who barely looked to be out of dippers, was suggesting. “Wait a minute, kid, how old are you?”

“Seventeen, sir.”

“Oh, oh good, he's seventeen.” Bones threw a look at Jim, like he couldn’t believe Jim was going along with this.

“Doctor, Mister Chekov is correct. I can confirm his telemetry. If Mister Sulu is able to maneuver us into position, I can beam aboard Nero's ship, steal back the black hole device, and if possible, bring back Captain Pike.”

Surprised to hear Spock’s voice Jim turned to face the now, calm and in control Vulcan. “I won't allow you to do that, Mister Spock.”

“Romulans and Vulcans share a common ancestry. Our cultural similarities will make it easier for me to access the ship's computer to locate the device. Also, my mother was Human, which makes Earth the only home I have left.”

Realizing that Spock wasn’t going to back down, but not willing to lose him, Jim did the only logical thing. “I'm coming with you.”

“I would cite regulation, but I know you will simply ignore it.”

Chuckling at the whole situation Jim smacked Spock on the shoulder before heading off the bridge. “See, we are getting to know each other.”

 

 

*~*~*~*

 

 

**Transporter room, USS Enterprise**

 

**“We are in position above Titan.”**

Sitting at the Transporter Controls, Scotty began scanning for the proper beaming coordinates. “Really? Fine job, Mister Sulu. Well done.”

The door to the transporter room opened with a soft whoosh and Spock, Jim and Uhura march in. “How are we, Scotty?”

Scotty looked up at Jim and shook his head, amused. “Unbelievably, sir, the ship is in position.”

Stopping to lean over Scotty console, Jim hit the Comm button to the Bridge. There was one last thing to do before running off to play hero. “Whatever happens, Mister Sulu, if you think you have the tactical advantage, you fire on that ship, even if we're still onboard. That's an order.”

**“Yes, sir.”**

“Otherwise, we'll contact the Enterprise when we're ready to be beamed back.”

 **“Good luck.”** From the sound of Sulu’s voice it was obvious he thought they were all going to need it.

Turning the Comm off, Jim turned to take his place on the transporter pad next to Spock. Startled and more than a little broken hearted, Jim turned to see Spock and Uhura tenderly kissing. Flinching he looked away unable to stand the sight of the only person he had ever loved sharing a intimate moment of love with the woman who despised him. It hurt more than he would like to admit but it also confirmed for him that Spock had never meant to come back for him. That he had found a real woman to take to his bed and into his heart.

Resting his forehead against Uhura’s Spock quietly tried to comfort her. “I will be back.”

Uhura stepped back to look him in the eyes. “You better be. I'll be monitoring your frequency.”

“Thank you, Nyota.”

Taking one last stolen kiss Uhura turned to glare at Kirk. He might be her Acting Captain now and he might be going to fight alongside her Spock, but she wasn’t willing to care about him yet. He was still an perverted asshat and a douche bag for coming onboard and tearing Spock apart while he was still grieving. Jim nodded at her, accepting that she would never forgive him as she strode off the transporter pad to stand next to Scotty.

Not willing to pretend he hadn’t just seen Spock engaging in an illicit kiss with his student, and hurting, Jim turned to Spock trying to take one last jab. “So shacking up with your students now, how very logical.”

“I have no comment on the matter."

Watching the two with more than a little worry Scotty tried to interrupt them before they could break out into another knock-down-drag-out fight like they had on the Bridge. “Okey-dokey then. If there's any common sense in the design of the enemy ship, I should be putting you somewhere in the cargo bay. There shouldn't be a soul in sight.”

Jim looked away from Spock and over to where Scotty stood more than a little surprised and pleased to see the older Spock stepping into the room, raising his hand in the ta’al at Jim, a smile loving smile on his lips. A warm smile spreading across his lips he spoke, “Energize.”


	4. Chapter 3

**2258-Post Narada; Day 1, USS Enterprise**

Jim couldn’t help but think this whole operation had been one big clusterfuck. Why had Starfleet sent over half the fleet to Vulcan for a simple seismic event? If it was just an earthquake then they might need general aid or supplies but it wouldn’t need half the fleet to come rushing in. Had the Vulcan’s even really sent the message? Did Starfleet even try to verify it before sending them out? There were just too many questions running through Jim’s head. He didn’t like the feel of this at all. Nero’s fucked up digger had blocked their communications, so the only way a message could have been sent to Starfleet was if Nero sent it. Before Nero would have started to core into the planet there wouldn’t have been a seismic event to call about. If that was the case, and Nero called in the distress call then Starfleet fucked up big time. They had lost half the fleet because no one had bothered to look up examples of the “lightning storm in space” that the message had referenced. Nero had given them the fucking clue to know it was a trap and they had fucking ignored it! If they had taken even ten minutes to cross-reference in their own systems they would have found the documentation for the destruction of the USS Kelvin. It would have saved countless lives if they had known.

Jim closed his eyes and bowed his head, the palms of his hands pressing against his eyes. His eyes were burning and although he didn’t acknowledge it he could feel the heat of tears pouring out his eyes past his hands and sliding down his cheeks. He hurt everywhere. There were aches and pains gnawing at him both as dull throbbing and sharp, twisting pains. These physical pains were nothing though. Nothing compared to the grief twisting in his gullet. He had failed to save Amanda. She would never get to know her grandson and poor Gabriel would never get to know her. He had failed to save Vulcan and it’s people from near extinction. He had failed Spock and Sarek and Gabriel…He had failed. He was supposed to be a genius! So why hadn’t he been able to work out solution to save them, to save her before it was too late?

Jim let out a deep gasping breath, trying not to break down into any further tears. Even if he was alone in the observation deck now, that didn’t mean someone wouldn’t stumble in and see him. He was still the Acting Captain until they could make their way back to Earth. It didn’t matter how injured he was or that he was just a cadet like many of them, he was their leader until Pike was stable enough to take over. They needed their leader to be strong.

He was a wreck. He had no idea how he could continue as their Captain. He was just flying by the seat of his pants now that the immediate danger was gone. He had no idea how to reassure and comfort them about the losses that had left them all sobbing the moment their hands were free. He couldn’t even control his own grief, how could he help this crew through theirs? How could he help the Vulcans? God, they had lost everything!

He was going to fuck this up. Just like he fucked up everything else. It was going to take a week at maximum impulse to get to the closest Starbase and Bones had Pike knocked out. He had no one to turn to for help. Spock still couldn’t look at him and Uhura kept giving him looks of pity when she wasn’t actively giving him the stink eye. Maybe she was right. He was just some damn hick from Iowa pretending at something that was going to backfire right in all their faces. It was just sheer dumb luck his plan had worked to save Earth.

“You punish yourself unnecessarily, Captain.”

Jim looked up, startled at the sound of the smooth, controlled voice. “Ambassador…”

“You called me Sarek once. It would not be unseemly to do so again.” Sarek moved further into the room to where Jim sat in the shadows. “Is it acceptable for me to join you?”

“Yeah…yeah that’s fine. Take a seat.” Jim scooted over, making more room on the bench for the old Vulcan.

Sarek nodded and pulling his robes about him sat down next to Jim. “It has been many years since last we spoke.” Sarek turned to look at Jim, who blushed and nervously rubbed at his nose. “It is acceptable to see you have decided to live up to your potential.”

Jim looked away, out to the stars hovering beyond the transparent aluminum window. “I failed you…I failed all of them.”

“That would be a fallacy. You did what was in your power and beyond. That they could not all be saved is not any fault of your own.”

“But Amanda…”

“I shall miss my wife greatly but I know with certainty that she would not want you to feel as if her death was a fault of your own. We have survived and allowing ourselves the luxury of grief is acceptable but we cannot allow ourselves to lie about what has happened.” Sarek looked at Jim, his eyes locked onto Jim's, piercing straight through him. “I am proud of you. You have proven to be a fine Captain and if there is any logic in Starfleet they shall see their own faults in what happened on Vulcan and what you have achieved despite their mistakes. My people owe you a great deal. You shall always be welcome among us, James Kirk.”

“Thanks, Sir. Really.”

“Your thanks are not required. However, before I return to my Son’s rooms to meditate, I would request that you follow some advice.”

Jim looked up at Sarek as the Vulcan gracefully rose from the bench, brushing down his robes. Looking back down at him, Sarek raised an eyebrow at Jim’s expectant look. “Go to your Doctor friend and have him heal your wounds. The physical injures do nothing to aid you, they only remind you of what has happened. Let them be healed so that you will be prepared to accept the mental healing that my people can offer to you. When you are ready you may seek me out.”

“Uh…yeah, okay.”

Nodding at Jim’s acceptance, Sarek turned and strode towards the door. The whoosh of the door echoed in the dark little room as it closed behind him, leaving Jim alone with his thoughts once again. “Well, that was strange.”

Jim rubbed at his sore eye, winching at the sharp stab of pain as his fingers brushed over the wound. “Damn I should have told him…”

Sighing and rubbing his hands across his face again despite the pain, Jim scowled out at the stars. He had messed up again. That was apparently all he could do today. He had the perfect opportunity to talk to Sarek about Gabriel and he blew it. They had talked for maybe five minutes and Jim had been too stunned by Sarek’s approval of him to even think of mentioning that Sarek should come with Jim to meet Gabriel once they were back on Earth.

Leaning back against the wall, Jim looked back out to the stars. He imagined that he could still see the spot where Nero’s ship had been pulled into its death. He couldn’t really, but it made the ach in his heart less painful to think he could.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there in the dark little room, lit only by the light of the stars. It had to have been hours. Hours and hours of thinking and rethinking, trying to find any other way he could have saved Vulcan from destruction. Playing out a countless game of ‘What Ifs…’ It wasn’t going to do him any good to think them over. Nero was as close to a true Kobayashi Maru as Starfleet had ever come. He had done his best, as Sarek had told him. They had won even as they lost.

Perhaps Spock would reprogram the sim after this? It might be better if he did. Making cadets face this situation where they were going to die no matter what they did, after having to face so many of their friends and classmates going through the real thing was just too harsh to bear. It would be more of a punishment than a learning tool. He thought about asking Spock if they could work on it together but the cold, almost calculating looks Spock gave him whenever he tried to talk to him about non-ship related matters made it very clear that Spock didn’t want to see him much less spend hours working with him.

If Spock’s cold shoulder wasn’t enough to make him back off, then Uhura screaming at him to back off of her boyfriend and to hope he could suck the Admirals cocks well enough to keep him in Starfleet after the incident on the Bridge, certainly was. He could almost understand why Uhura disliked him, but he couldn’t figure out why it seemed to fluctuate between casual dislike and open unconditional hatred. When she didn’t know he was around she was this crazy smart and kind woman, who reminded him a lot of Scott. She was someone he wanted to have like him, to be friends with. That obviously wasn’t going to happen. With the way things were he doubted he would ever have the chance to talk to Spock without Uhura around to bad mouth him into running away with his tail between his legs. The woman was scarier than a Klingon, when she wanted to be. And this time he wasn't sure he could blame her for hating him. He certainly hated himself enough right now for the both of them after what he did to Spock. If she really loved Spock as much as Jim did then she had every right to loath his existence.

Jim sighed loudly. He understood that Uhura lusted…maybe even loved Spock, but damn it! Spock deserved to know about his son. The way it was going though he would have to introduce Gabriel to his Grandfather before he could introduce him to his Father. That was just wrong. Spock deserved to know before Sarek, but as it stood, Sarek would be the only one who could get Spock away from Uhura long enough to inform Spock. Jim just hoped Sarek would be there to pry Spock off him again because he doubted Spock would appreciate Jim keeping Gabriel from him for so many years. Spock was a possessive guy as Jim remembered, but that possessiveness had been tempered by his kindness and protectiveness. Jim just hoped those qualities would protect him from the rage bubbling up in his K'diwa from the loss of his people and his Mother.

Closing his eyes Jim leaned back into the cool shadows curtaining off his little corner of the observation deck. He supposed he had time to figure out a way around Uhura. They still had a few days to go before they arrived at Spacedock. So stressing himself out about this could wait. Spock had spent nine years without Gabriel in his life, he could wait a little longer. At some point he knew his mind would stop turning over all the events that had happened in such a short amount of time and when that happened he planned to sleep for a good twelve hours. He just hoped that he could sleep without dreaming. That the look of abject horror on Spock’s face as he stood there on the transporter pad didn’t haunt him.

"Penny for your thoughts, Jimmy boy." Bones groaned as he lowered himself onto the seat next to Jim.

Jim didn’t need to open his eyes and look at the man who had walked into the room and slumped down on the seat next to him, to recognize him. After three years of rooming together Jim would know that voice anywhere. “I’m not sure they’re worth that much, Bones.”

Bones snorted and nudged Jim’s shoulder with his own. “Now I doubt that. If there is anyone whose thoughts would be worth a penny it would be yours.”

Jim smiled a glanced over at his closest friend. “I was thinking about what I could’ve done to save them and about how close I came to failing Earth and losing my son.”

Bones looked out over the stars, quietly thinking. “It would be a devastating loss for all of us. I don’t want ta’ think about our kids dying and us still being here. It’s a bit morbid.”

“Yeah, that it is.” Jim sighed and looked over at his friend. "How'd you find me?"

"Stumbled across Ambassador Sarek when I was heading to the Mess Hall." Bones shifted his back against the wall, grumbling when he couldn't find a comfortable place. "He reminded me that you were playin' hookie."

"I’m fine."

Bones snorted. "That I don't buy for a minute."

"Whatever."

"Don't you 'whatever' me, James Tiberius Kirk!" With snake-like speed Bones spun on the bench a jabbed a hypospray into Jim's neck.

"Fuck!" Jim grabbed his neck and stumbled off the bench. "What the hell was that for?"

Bones let a grin spread across his face, barring his teeth at Jim. "That was an immune booster. God only knows what you picked up on that ice moon or that God forsaken Romulan ship."

"Damn it, Bones! I really hate when you do." Jim rubbed his sore neck glaring his friend as he mumbled under his breath, "He's like a freakin' ninja. It’s so not right!"

Ignoring Jim's whining Bones looked out the window at the view that seemed to have enraptured his friend. It was beautiful to see if not also completely terrifying. Such a thin barrier between them and Death. He could barely stand glancing at it and wasn't sure he would ever understand how Jim could seemingly spend hours staring out into the cold depths of space. It was just one of those things he figured he would never understand about Jim. Just another secret to add to his list of questions about his best friend.

"So," Bones let the word flow out thick as honey with his southern drawl as he watched Jim reclaim his seat. "How're you knowing the green-blooded hobgoblins father?"

Jim looked away, plucking at the lint on his torn pants. "I met him before."

"Oh," now he was getting to something interesting. "Would you happen to have met him, say...nine years ago?"

The blush that rose up Jim's neck all the way to the tips of his ears was rather satisfying to see. "Maybe I don't quite remember."

"Ah, ah, ah," Bones wagged his finger at Jim, his smile growing wider at his friends obvious discomfort. "Fibbing is a nasty habit, Jimmy boy."

Running his hands through his short golden hair, Jim debated telling Bones the truth. He trusted Bones with his life, with Gabriel's life. But he had been keeping this secret for so many years now. It was hard to admit, to let anyone in on his great secret, even if Bones already knew most of it. After knowing Jim for all of five weeks as a roommate and fixing Jim up from several allergic reactions and tactical training classes, Bones had figured out that Jim was Subject X from Dr. Phlox's paper. His new friend knowing that Jim had been fully female and pregnant had been embarrassing, even more so since Bones had figured out that Jim had never fully reverted back to being male. God Bones had spent nearly an entire year studying Jim and his unusual genitals. Jim wasn't sure why Bones was so excited about his vagina and his penis coexisting and being fully functional if he had no desire to actually fuck Jim. It had weirded him out at first and still did on occasion. Of course Jim's physicals (which were only done by Bones or Dr. Phlox) were the closest thing to sex that his friend had had since his divorce.

Taking a deep breath, Jim decided to finally tell Bones everything. If his best friend having a dick and cunt didn't turn Bones off their friendship, then knowing Spock was Gabriel's father shouldn't. "Yeah it was nine years ago." Jim licked his lips and glanced over at Bones from under his lashes. "He was doing a road trip with his wife and Spock. Their car broke down and they stayed with me for a few days."

"And....? I believe you are leavin' something out of that tale."

"Yeah, that's the simple version. The complicated version is that Spock found out I was a 'girl' by walking in on me while I was taking my new body for a test drive."

Bones whistled, "And what, he just jumped you?"

Jim blushed red as he remembered that moment. Remembered the sight of Spock dripping wet and standing before him nude, the obvious lust in his dark gaze. "Yeah. He saw me and the next thing I know his fingers were knuckle deep inside me." Jim swallowed back a moan as a ripple of sensation flooded his body from the strong memory of that first touch. "Fuck, Bones...Spock was my first. Ever! And damn if he wasn't the best as well."

"And the Ambassador didn't mind you two gettin' it on?"

"Honestly, I don't think he knew. He might have suspected. I mean we were horny teens and not the slyest about our attraction either, but if he knew, I don't think he minded. He and Amanda never knew I was a girl at the time. I pretty much led them to believe I was a boy. Hell, I wouldn't have let Spock know I was a girl if he hadn't walked in on me."

Bones shook his head and clapped Jim on the knee. "Glad I'm not the one who needs to tell the Ambassador he's a grandfather...or does he already know?"

Jim sighed and looked back out at the stars. "I sent countless letters to Spock through the Consulate but never heard back. Even tried writing to Sarek once, but I never got a response. Personally, I don't think he knows. If Sarek did know...well, I'm sure he would have said something by now."

Bones hmm'd and looked back out at the stars as well, trying to figure out how to help Jim. It was a pickle of a situation he was in and Bones wasn't quite sure what to say. What did you say to your best friend when his child's Father tried to strangle him to death hours before? "Are you going to tell him?"

"Spock or Sarek?"

"Both I suppose."

"Yeah or at least I'm gonna try. I've tried to approach Spock about it but Uhura is like a rabid dog guarding her territory. I can't get within a hundred yards of Spock before she's there chasing me off. Honestly, I don't know what her problem with me is." Jim winched as he remembered his last attempt before he finally gave up and wondered here. "I think at this point I'll tell Sarek first and then he can talk to Spock."

Bones' lips pressed into a tight line. Jim had told him all about Uhura and his first meeting but even after hearing that he couldn't figure out why Uhura seemed so dead set against Jim. He had left he alone for the most part, their only interactions at the Academy being during the Kobayashi Maru simulation. Well, that and the one time she apparently walked in on Jim and Galia. And damn if Jim hadn't been embarrassed about that. Galia was probably the only other cadet who knew Jim had girly bits, and she had accepted that easily. Bones had always been grateful to her for that. But Uhura walking in and nearly seeing Jim’s biggest secret had freaked him out and Bones wasn’t sure how that would color his interaction with Uhura.

Glancing over at Jim, who once again seemed lost to the void on the other side of the hull, Bones thought Uhura was missing out on the potential for a great friendship. Perhaps she sensed something about Jim was different and was frustrated she didn't know what? Maybe it was that Jim had score higher than her in the two required xenolinguistics classes that Jim had to take as a command cadet? Maybe it was his test scores being higher on average than pretty much every cadet currently at the Academy? Or maybe she had seen something that made her think Jim was a threat to her 'relationship' with Spock? Bones didn't know and quite frankly none of them were a good reason for her negative treatment of Jim.

"That crazy Scotsman you brought back said he should have the blown circuits fixed sometime tonight so that we can contact Starfleet HQ again with an updated list of survivors."

"That's good," said Jim.

Bones watched Jim. He didn't like how dull Jim sounded right then. The stress, injuries and lack of sleep looked to be finally taking hold of him. "Why don't we head back to my room and you can crash on my bed."

"You need it more, Bones."

Bones snorted and stood up, stretching his arms up above his head. "As the new CMO of a ship filled with injured, panicky people I ain't gonna be sleeping tonight. So someone ought to use my bed. Consider it advance payment."

Jim blinked in confusion and looked up at Bones. "Advance payment for what?"

"All my time spent fixing the damn injuries you'll be gettin' when we graduate and for the vid chat with my daughter you'll be arranging for tomorrow when the Comm's are up."

Jim blinked again as he realized that once Scotty got the outgoing communication system up and working he would be able to talk to Gabriel. A wide smile stretched across his face and Jim near launched himself up from the bench in his excitement. With a whooping cry he pulled Bones into a tight hug, hiding his face in his friends neck as tears filled his eyes.

Smiling softly, Bones wrapped his arms around Jim, rubbing circles into his back. "I take it your gonna bump me behind you on the priority list to make a personal call?"

Jim let out a sound that was a cross between sob and laugh. He clutched tighter to Bones who leaned into Jim pressing his smile into Jim's neck. The room was filled with the sounds of their laughing sobs as they both let the joy if hearing their children's voices again, fill them. Unbeknownst to the two friends their quiet moment of peace was now being witnessed by someone who liked neither of them.

Uhura had been trying to find a quiet place to sit down and think about everything that had happened. To think about the loss of Vulcan, of her fellow cadets...of Galia who had been killed on the Faragot alone because Uhura had had to be on the Enterprise above all else. She needed to think about how to comfort Spock when he didn't seem to want her touching him anymore. To think about Kirk and how he had saved them all. It was too much to think on in her small bunk that had been filled to overflowing with other cadets and crewman who had given up their own quarters for the Vulcan refugees’ comfort.

She froze for a moment just inside the room as she caught sight of Dr. McCoy and Acting Captain Kirk (that just burned in her gullet) embracing each other in the dark room, the sight of them somehow softened in the eerie glow of the stars. She wasn't sure what to do. To stay or go, but she knew she didn't want them to see her. In the end her curiosity won out.

There had been a lot of rumors about Kirk and McCoy being in a sexual relationship but she had never given it much credence since she typically saw Kirk hanging off Galia...Fists clenching Uhura back into the shadows, her body hidden behind a large potted plant. She knew Kirk was a man whore but she had thought he at least had the decency not to cheat on any of his 'girlfriends.' Apparently she had been wrong. Kirk was obviously okay with cheating on her friend with his own fucking roommate! And a male one at that! Somehow the idea that he was fucking with McCoy on the side was worse than if he had been doing so with a woman. She didn’t know why that was and she didn’t care. Right now all she cared about was Kirk betraying Galia’s love.

"So what are you going to tell Gabriel when you comm him tomorrow," asked Bones.

Jim stepped out of Bones' arms and whipped at his eyes with the back of his hand, his face still aglow with his smile. "I have no idea, but hopefully my little angel will get to speak to his other Dad soon also."

"I'll cross my fingers for you, kid. Here's hoping that green-blooded hobgoblin listens for once."

Uhura narrowed her eyes, wondering what she was missing. It almost sounded like McCoy was saying Kirk had a kid? A kid with a Vulcan! She couldn't believe that. The only Vulcan Kirk would have had access to was her Spock and there was no way in HELL Spock had cheated on her with Jim. So he must have met another Vulcan at some point, but who? And how could he have a child with a male Vulcan? Kirk was hardly a woman and unlike some alien races, Vulcan males couldn’t become pregnant. So did that mean the Vulcan was old enough to have a child with a previous bondmate? Or did Kirk have an illegitimate child from one of his one-night-stands hidden somewhere? He was obviously embarrassed by the child if he went to so much trouble to keep the fact he had a kid quiet. Poor kid. It must suck to have Jim Kirk as a Dad.

“He certainly looks like your old Vulcan friend.” Bones gave Jim a sly look as Jim blushed and looked away.

“Yeah, they share a rather strong family resemblance.”

Bones snorted and pushed Jim towards the door, past where Uhura was hiding. “Come on, I still need to patch you up.”

“Aw, come on, Bones! I’m fine. It’s just a couple bruises.”

“Bruises my ass,” Bones snapped pushing Jim through the doorway as soon as the doors had whooshed open. “You most certainly have at least one broken rib and you’ll be lucky if the zygomatic bone by your eye didn’t break. I need to take more in depth scans, make sure you don’t have any internal bleeding-“

“Aw, Bones,” whined Jim.

“Grows some balls, Jimmy boy. Let’s go and you can give me the more in-depth scoop on Gabriel’s conception.” Uhura barely caught Dr. McCoy’s response before the door whooshed closed behind them.

 

*~*~*~*

 

 **Day 1, Officers Deck, USS Enterprise**

It had been a mere 28 hours 33 minutes and 6 seconds since the Narada had been sucked into the black hole created by the exploding matter. It still left his mind feeling raw in places from where his parental bond to his Mother had been so violently ripped away and the salt in the wounds, as the humans said, was the thrum of his bond to his precious Jim pounding with renewed life. That bond had been silent, almost dormant, for over eight years and suddenly it had roared back to life in the wake of his people’s destruction. He didn’t know why. He only knew that since he had first laid eyes on Cadet, now Acting Captain, Kirk he had felt the bond stirring. But it had been there on the Bridge as his hand squeezed the life out of that golden throat that Spock had felt the bond flare inside him, screaming in the back of his mind.

If he was not positive that Cadet Kirk was male he would have thought that it was his K’diwa that had been beneath his hands in that moment. But Spock remembered clearly the feel of the strong planes of Cadet Kirks chest pressed against his own, the hot throb of hard flesh stretching the tight black pants, growing harder against his own groin. It was undeniable proof of the Cadet’s manhood. It mattered not if the feel of that body pressed against his own set his blood to burning as it had nine years ago for his K’diwa. His body had not burned, had not ached to his very katra, like that for anyone since he had laid eyes upon her, until he had touched Cadet Kirk. He would have to meditate on the matter. Perhaps upon deeper study of his own mind he would locate the answers he needed to complete this new puzzle.

Ensuring his pace did not waver Spock continued down the corridor to where his quarters were located. He would spend the next 5 hours in deep meditation sorting through his memories of the last day, working through the emotions that had so compromised him that he had nearly allowed his Mother’s and Jim’s, homeworld to be destroyed. It was the last link he had to her and he could not, would not allow anyone to tear that away from him as Nero had torn away Vulcan.

The doors opened and closed behind him with a soft whoosh, the heat of his room rolling over him in palpable waves. Spock allowed himself 2.35 seconds to enjoy the standard Vulcan temperature of his rooms before walking directly to where his meditation mat and candles had been stored upon boarding the starship. They were very clearly wrapped in the traveling case, his Yeoman having more important matters to tend to upon their hasty departure from Earth than unpacking his belongings. With smooth efficient movements Spock unwrapped the necessary items, storing the traveling case away before setting up the candles and the mat in the center of his seating area.

With only the soft glow of the candles to light the room, Spock allowed himself to be seated in the proper position on the mat. Slowly and with great care he began to focus on his breath, the way it entered into his body, filling his lungs, expanding his chest, before he let it flow back out of him. For several minutes this was all he did and as his body and mind relaxed into the careful rhythm he began to sort through the damage done to his mental barriers, noting areas that would need to be repaired or strengthened. After all the damage had been noted Spock began to delve deeper into his mind, flowing backwards through his day, sorting out the memories and the emotions. He would need to catalogue them all before he could regulate them to the proper place in his mind and begin to rise out to fix his mental barrier.

// _“Did you see his ship? Do you see what he did?”_

 _“Yes, of course I did.”_

 _“So, are you afraid or aren't you?”_

 _“I will not allow you to lecture me about the merits of emotion.” Spock wanted to growl, to press forward until they were touching, until he could feel the beat of Cadet Kirk’s heart against his chest._

 _Once again Cadet Kirk stepped forward, until they were indeed touching. Chest to chest and groin to groin. “Then why don't you stop me?”_

 _Spock felt his body responding, growing hard and throbbing, his heart pounding in his side and the strangely familiar feel of Cadet Kirk’s body pressed against his own. He had never met Cadet Kirk prior to the Cadet taking the Kobayashi Maru sim for the third time, but each time he looked at the Cadet he felt as if he should know him. As if he had known him for a lifetime and beyond. More than a little uncomfortable Spock glanced away from the Cadet’s hypnotic eyes. “Step away from me, Mister...”_

 _“What is it like not to feel anger or heartbreak or the need to stop at nothing to avenge the death of the woman who gave birth to you?”_

 _Shaking with desire and fury both Spock tried again to make the Cadet move back. “Back away from me...”_

 _Anger now flashing like a storm through the cadet’s eyes he yelled back at Spock, pressing his body even closer. “You feel nothing! It must not even compute for you! You never loved her! You abandoned her! You left her as and never came back!”_ //

Even now hours later the words haunted him. He did not understand how Acting Captain Kirk had known exactly what to say to emotionally compromise him so badly that he would resort to physical violence. It seemed out of the bounds of possibilities that one Human male could so greatly alter the course of the day, of the future of the Federation as a whole and yet he had. He had seen possibilities that Spock had not even considered as a small percentage of a chance of working. He had succeeded in ways that Spock could never have done. Spock’s short lived Captaincy was, as his Jim would say, an ‘epic fail.’

It was beyond all of that though. Spock realized that besides the anger, the grief, the embarrassment and the rage, Acting Captain Kirk had inspired in him a wild lust that Spock had only felt once before. Even the emotion though was overwhelmed by the way Acting Captain Kirk had looked at him. Those blue eyes, just like Jim’s, piercing him, seeing past all his barriers to the where the fault in his careful Vulcan barriers lay. Those eyes had cut through him, washed over him and held a depth of knowledge the Cadet didn’t have any right to. They looked at him and held the truth of him in their cobalt depths.

// _The room was silent, no one able to speak at the sight of Captain Spock’s raw grief. It was only one loss out of billions but somehow it hit them all much harder. His hand, which had been outstretched, reaching desperately for his Mother dropped to his side. She was beyond his reach, lost to the swirling darkness that was consuming his planet, his home._

 _He blinked, fighting for his controls. He was surrounded by the Council of Elders, by his crewmates…by Cadet Kirk. He would not, could not allow himself to show himself as anything but emotionless, as Vulcan. He did not dare let them see how wounded her death had left him._

 _“Spock…”_

 _The words were so soft he almost did not think they were real, but the soft sound of shifting fabric and the light ‘thunk’ of booted feet stepping forward, made him lift his head. Cadet Kirk was there, his blue eyes full of grief, of a loss that he shouldn’t feel. Cadet Kirk was not Vulcan. He did not know anyone on Vulcan but he was looking at Spock as if he KNEW, as if he was just as badly wounded by Amanda Grayson’s death as Spock was._ //

Perhaps he did know her but not in the way Spock would think. He was not blind. He could see the physical resemblance between his Jim and Acting Captain Kirk. He was not certain but he had formed a hypothesis that Acting Captain Kirk was Jim’s brother, the one who had run away from home. Of course if that was the case Spock was unsure how to deal with Acting Captain Kirk. He did not think he could be friends with the person who had abandoned his K’diwa to that empty house. And yet there was a niggling doubt at the back of his mind. Something telling him he did not yet have all the correct facts, that without them he would not come to the correct and logical conclusion. He would not act, not yet. Acting Captain Kirk shared so many physical similarities but he did not look as if he was the boy who had been in the last family portrait on the wall by the stairs at Jim’s home. That child had had darker hair and the eyes…the eyes were not the correct color either. Perhaps, then Acting Captain Kirk was a cousin rather than the brother? If so he…if so then Acting Captain Kirk would know why Jim had never responded to any of the letters he had sent through the Consulate to her. He could tell Spock what had happened to her after he had left. Had she gone to college as she had told Spock she wanted to? Did she stay on the farm instead, working her family land? Had she found someone else, someone…human?

“There was a saying your Mother was found of asking in times such as this.”

Spock opened his eyes, blinking his inner eyelid to clear his vision of the sudden light of the candles. His father was seated across from him, at the small desk, watching him with strangely heavy eyes. “As she would say…A penny for your thoughts?”

Spock cocked an eyebrow at his Father, surprised by the way his Father was watching him. By the actual emotion in those stern dark eyes. In all his life he could not remember once seeing his Father express an emotion so openly outside of the Pon Farr. And that was not a memory that Spock was comfortable remembering.

“I did not perform at the level of competency that I know I am capable of achieving. My failure to live up to the expected standards of a First Officer of Starfleet has cost our people our homeworld. I have made us an endangered species.”

Sarek tilted his head slightly, gazing at Spock past the flickering light of the candles, his dark eyebrow arching up to his hairline. “Fascinating. I did not think you truly capable of such a Human reaction.”

Spock flinched and looked back down to where his hands were clenching into fists.

“It reminds me very much of your Mother. It is a trait that you share with her.”

Spock looked up, confused. Was his Father insulting him and his human emotions or was he trying to somehow compliment Spock? He knew his Father would never say anything negative about his Mother. His Father had, after all, told him that he loved her.

“She was prone to an illogical need to blame the failings of others, or matters outside of her control, upon herself. It is a behavior that you have learned and it is one that you need to let go of. As all of this crew, yourself included, has done more than could be expected of them in such a situation as this, your need to cast blame for the loss of our people upon yourself is illogical. You must allow yourself time to grieve for your Mother as is proper for her people and after you shall speak with a mindhealer in order to properly understand that the destruction of Vulcan is not your fault.”

Sarek stood and moved to sit next to Spock on the meditation mat. “I am proud to call you my son, Spock. You do your people and your clan proud.”

Spock blinked, unsure what to make of his Father. He had never fully understood his Father and even now after the revelation that he had married Spock’s Mother out of love, Spock found himself even more confused. Sarek was an enigma as complex as Spock’s emotional attachment to a Human girl he had only known for three short days and to the conundrum that was Acting Captain Kirk. He did not know if he would ever understand his Father.

His Father’s dark eyes continued to watch him, patient as always to see what Spock’s response would be. Spock inclined his head to his Father, unsure what to say in response. In all his experience he had never before been placed in a situation such as this.

“He is a fascinating Human. It is to all of our benefit that you were able to overcome your emotions and learn to work with him.”

“You speak of James Kirk,” inquired Spock.

“Indeed. The two of you appear well matched. Should you choose to do so, serving alongside James Kirk would do well for the both of you.”

“May I pose a query?”

“Indeed,” Sarek nodded at his son. Spock was a bright boy and it would not take much to remind him that it had not been that long ago that he had called James Kirk “friend.”

“You speak of Acting Captain Kirk as if you knew him–“ The sound of the door chime interrupted him and Spock turned to look at the door, doing his best to force back the sigh that wanted to escape at the sound. The door chimed again and Spock looked back to his Father who nodded. Their conversation would have to wait.

“Enter,” Spock replied knowing the computer would recognize the vocal activation code to open the doors.

Placing his hand on the floor, Spock pushed himself smoothly into a standing position, reaching out to clasp his Father’s arm to help him rise. Sarek gave his son a grateful nod and moved to stand by Spock’s desk.

The door had already opened by the time Spock had turned around and standing there in the warm yellow light from the hall was Uhura. She had been an important factor in Spock remaining as calm as he had since the destruction of his homeworld and the death of his Mother. She was one of the few Humans that he knew who had accepted him as he was. She was an excellent student, although she did have a tendency to be dangerously self-focused at times, but Spock was sure that as she became older and more experienced she would no longer feel as driven to prove herself better than all her peers. Once she had learned that she was as efficient and affective a Communications Officer as any Captain could dream of having on staff, Spock was sure her confidence would even out and the emotional issues that he had witnessed in her would resolve. But right now he could be nothing but grateful, though he would never admit to the emotion, that she had sought him out. She was one of the few beings that he had cause to call a friend and she had taken a great deal of effort upon her shoulder in the last few hours trying to help him regain his control, to offer him comfort as his Mother always had with warm hugs and gentle kisses.

“Nyota.” Spock nodded to her and she smiled up at him and stepped far enough into the dark room for the door sensors to finally allow the door to close behind her.

“I know it is late and that the both of you are in need of meditation, but I was hoping you might have some time free to talk with me.”

Sarek moved to pick up one of the PADDs off the desk and moved to pass Spock and Uhura. Stopping at his son shoulder, Sarek spoke softly, “I shall leave the cabin to you. I will need to meet with Dr. McCoy in regards to the medical needs of the other refugees.”

“Very well.” Spock watched his Father leave before turning back to Uhura, ushering her further into the room as he moved to take his Father’s place at his desk. “Computer. Lights at forty percent.”

The chair at his desk was as new as everything onboard had been merely a day ago. And yet it still appeared as untouched as it must have been upon first being placed behind the desk. It bore none of the scars that Spock, the crew and the Enterprise itself now bore. Looking at it he very much desired to throw it across the room, to bend and twist it out of shape until it was unrecognizable. He would not. He was in control and would not lapse again. Pushing the fiery snake of anger deeper down he pulled out the chair and lowered himself into its leather embrace. It creaked slightly as his weight shifted but Spock ignored it and looked back up at Uhura who was standing at the edge of his desk watching him with a strange look…some emotion he was sure he should recognize but didn’t.

The silence stretched between them, flickering from something comfortable to something that was causing the hairs on the back of his neck to rise as if a great desert storm, a grazhiv-sahriv was on the horizon. There was something in her eyes that made Spock leery of why she had come to him. She was one of the few that he considered a friend, that he knew took pleasure in being in his company and that was such a novel change. He had never had that with his peers when on Vulcan or even when he first arrived on Earth. He had been too Human for his Vulcan classmates but still too Vulcan for the Humans. The only people that had ever looked upon him and merely saw him had been his Mother, his K’diwa, Captain Pike and Uhura. He was grateful for all of them and what their presence in his life meant. And now one of them was dead, another missing, another critically injured and the last…well she was standing here looking at him as Jim had looked at him but with a much sharper edge to it.

Uhura pushed her ponytail back over her shoulder, a flicker of lust sparking in those dark eyes as she inched closer to him and gently pushed the pile of PADDs across the desk so that she could seat herself on the edge of the desk. Spock watched her, curious and a little exhausted. He was ready to complete his meditation and go to sleep but first he would see what kind of emotional reassurance she was seeking. She had given it to him when he had need of it and although her gaze was sparking an uncomfortable feeling in his side, he would not abandon her. He would wait for her to speak when she was ready.

Her head tilted as she looked at him. Her eyes moving along the planes of his face, sweeping across his slanted brows, down his nose, lingering over his mouth and jaw before trailing back up his cheekbones, over his pointed ears and into his hair. He watched her as her hand lifted, slowly reaching out to brush his bangs back from his forehead.

“I was so scared today. Watching everything happen, knowing I couldn’t do anything but sit on the sidelines.” Uhura licked her lips and let her thumb stroke over temples. “Then you went running off with Kirk and…” Uhura closed her eyes, swallowing thickly before letting out a shuddering breath. “God, Spock, I didn’t think you were going to come back. You were going to die there alongside Kirk on one of his hair-brained, half-baked ideas and I didn’t know what to say to convince you not to go!”

“You need not think on it as my choice had been made. I would not have allowed you to sway me from my chosen course.”

Uhura’s fingers trembled against his cheeks, brushing occasionally over a meld point, sending a slew of raging emotions at him like a river of broken glass and acid. He wanted to step back out of the reach of her hands, but she was confiding in him. As a Vulcan he could not offer her the same level of comfort that he knew she needed in such an occasion, but if she had sought him out rather than one of her peers or Dr. McCoy, then he was obligated to assist to the best of his abilities.

“That doesn’t make me feel any better.” Uhura let out another shuddering breath, a few tears tumbling out from beneath her dark lashes. “How could you do that? Just leave me so easily?” Uhura looked up then, her eyes meeting his. “I needed you, Spock.”

Spock watched her, unsure how to answer. The conversation was confusing as if he was only hearing half of it…as if he was missing some key element that would make her words have a true meaning. “I do not understand. I was not leaving you. I was doing my duty as an officer in Starfleet. The needs of the many-“

“Shut up!” Her voice was harsh, the edges of the words heavy with emotion. “God, Spock, don’t you love me at all?”

Spock blinked. Several prior instances between them playing out before his eyes within a new set of parameters. He had not understood and that appeared to be a fault that was going to cause considerable upset to his friendship with Cadet Uhura. “I do not.”

Her hands slipped to rest on his shoulders, squeezing them in a manner that would likely cause pain to a lesser being. “That whole ‘I’m Vulcan, we don’t have emotions’ bullcrap isn’t going to work, Spock. I know you feel! You wouldn’t have gone down there for her if you didn’t.”

Spock tried not to flinch at the sudden mention of his Mother and his failed attempt to save her. “I did not mean to infer that I did not love you because I am Vulcan. I simply meant what I said. I do not love you.” Spock stood, stepping out from under her hands and further into the room, away from the desk. “You are an able student. One with a high probability of having a career in xenolingustics that could rival any other in Starfleet history, and you are a fine example of humanity. A friend that I…treasure, greatly.”

“Please, Spock…” Uhura stood up quickly moving to his side, reaching to try and pull him close, her breath brushing against his lips before he could pull back. “I don’t understand. I thought…I thought you loved me? Why are you doing this? How can you dump me now? You need me!”

Spock stepped back further, letting his Vulcan control rise back up, closing off the warmth that had been in his eyes. “I am not dumping you, Cadet Uhura. To ‘dump you’ as the Human expression goes, we must first have been dating.”

Uhura flinched as if struck, stumbling back from him. “I don’t understand…I don’t…We’ve been dating for months now! How can you say we aren’t dating? What about the trip to the Museum and the dinner at Shi-yem?”

“A reward for the hard work you put into for your paper on the comparative linguistic harmonics of the Vulcanoid languages.”

The look of hurt in her eyes darkened as she looked back up at him, glaring. “Then why in Hell did you kiss me? If you don’t love me, why kiss me? Why let me kiss you?”

Spock looked at her, allowing a bit of his confusion to show through. “I do not understand. Is a kiss not an acceptable form support in an emotionally devastating circumstance?”

Uhura’s hands fisted at her sides, the knuckles going white as she tried to fight back her emotions. She wanted to slap him. To scream and curse at him for being an ass, for foolishly letting her go. Who else did he have? What other woman knew him and would love him as she loved him? She could hardly believe it. She had let herself love him because he was Vulcan, because he was safe and smart and he had a future! He was everything she could want and she didn’t understand why she wasn’t what he wanted. He wouldn’t hurt her like a human man would. And yet…yet that was what he was doing. “If you didn’t love me how could you lead me on? I thought…Jesus, Spock, I thought that you of all people wouldn’t do this to me. But you’re no better than that bastard Kirk and every other Mother Fucking guy out there!”

“I was unaware that you harbored such emotional attachments to me. You of all people should have been aware that I could not ‘date’ you. Not only because you are my student and such a relationship would be entirely unethical, but also because as a major in Xenolinguistics you had to take the basic Xenoanthropology courses that would have gone over Vulcan culture.” Spock watched her as his words only seemed to enrage her further. “As a Vulcan I was bonded as a child. I have a ko-kugalsu already and as such I am unable to enter into a romantic relationship with another.”

Her bottom lip jutted out, trembling ever so slightly as tears filled the corners of her eyes. As the tears began to drip down her cheeks, Uhura decided that even if he reprimanded her she was in the right to let him know exactly what she thought of him. Storming up to him she glared at him before snapping her hands out and striking him across the cheek hard enough to force his head to look to the side. “I was wrong. You’re worse than Kirk. At least he’s honest with himself and his Vulcan lover about being a manwhore.”

Spock blinked, unsure if it was the slap to his face or Cadet Uhura’s claim that Acting Captain Kirk had a Vulcan for a lover. He wanted to ask her how she knew that about the Captain, but realized that it would not be wise. Instead he stood quietly by as Cadet Uhura stormed out of his cabin, cursing him in all three dialects of Romulan.

“Fascinating.”

 

*~*~*~*

 

 **Day 1, Sickbay, USS Enterprise**

 

Sarek was silently impressed with the efficiency of the Enterprise crew. They were working on almost no sleep and with limited materials and yet every crewmen he passed was hard at work making repairs. Their dedication was impressive. So he stopped and spoke with several as he made his way through the corridors to Sickbay and Dr. McCoy’s office. The wide range of skills each seemed to possess and their willingness to speak with him to explain in more detail what they were doing and where they were from impressed him. Although the majority of the crew was Human he found several other races mixed in and working with the Human flawlessly. This crew seemed to work well within the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC, perhaps even better than his own people did. Every able-bodied crewman was helping even when he or she was not an engineer. The corridors were a riot of primary colors as he got closer to where Sickbay was located. From what he could gather that area of the ship had sustained heavy damage and nearly a quarter of the medical staff had been killed in the initial part of the battle, including the original CMO. If this was true then Dr. McCoy was doing a remarkable job treating both the injured crewmen and the refugees that had been beamed onboard while Acting Captain Kirk and his son had been destroying Nero’s drill.

The door to Sickbay was warped and twisted in its frame, trapped partially open and making entry into the room difficult. However, Sarek noticed three engineering techs working on it. Their faces were hidden behind safety goggles and welding masks as they worked to straighten the door enough to allow the tech working on the panel next to the door to get the door to open and close correctly. Sarek paused to watch them for 4.35 minutes before approaching one and carefully requesting to be allowed entrance.

The one wearing the welding mask lifted it up as he turned off the torch and turned to face Sarek. Sarek’s eyebrow arched up as he took in the sight of the golden furred Caitian. By his species standards he was a handsome male, broad shouldered, with narrow waist and faint honey colored strips in his fur and with rather striking green eyes. The Caitian smiled up at him before moving out of the way, nodding at Sarek as he placed his hand on the bulkhead and slipped through the narrow opening into Sickbay.

Sarek did not look back at the Caitian, even though he was intrigued. He said nothing to the Caitian and the Caitian said nothing to him as he passed through into the other room. Although Sarek was the Vulcan Ambassador he had only met one other Caitian, also a male. Their meeting had been nothing more than a brief introduction at a diplomatic event and although the feline type humanoid was unusual he had not thought much of the other male during, or after, their brief meeting. Somehow Sarek was sure he would think back on this example of the Caitian people in the future.

Inside Sickbay it was a prime example of the Human propensity for controlled chaos. Nurses and doctors were running around the large room from patient to patient treating all manner of injuries without the slightest look of fear. Many of them looked rumpled, their cloths beginning to small of the strong scent of sweat. Something that Sarek should have realized was likely as the Medical teams had been working overtime. Dr. McCoy had briefly mentioned to him, when he found the man on the way to the Mess Hall, that the Medical team were rotating four hour sleeping breaks between shifts in order to stay as alert as possible while still treating the vast number of ill or injured passengers.

A blond nurse to his right finished bandaging up a red shirted Human male’s arm, detailing instructions to him before waving him out of Sickbay. The Human looked startled as he noticed Sarek standing there watching and blushing the young man rushed past him and out through the still broken doorway. Looking away from the injured Human Sarek approached the blond nurse, gently clearing his throat to get her attention.

“Oh! Hello there,” the nurse gave him a once over, looking for any obvious injuries and finding none she looked at him questionly. “How can I help you, sir?”

“Has Dr. McCoy returned from his meal break? I require twenty minutes of his time in order to assist him in handling the medical needs of the other Vulcans.”

“Okay then,” the nurse glanced around the room. “I saw him come back about five minutes ago but he’s not out on the floor so he should still be in his office with Captain Kirk. You can go on back. It’s just past bay 5, around that corner there,” she said pointing past the rushing chaos of the room.

Sarek nodded. “My thank, Nurse.”

“Chapel,” the blond woman brushed a long strand of hair from her face. “It’s Nurse Chapel. If you need anything and can’t locate Dr. McCoy or Dr. M’Benga just ask for me and I can help you, sir.”

“Very well.” Sarek turned away from the woman as she was grabbed by another nurse to assist with another patient, covered in burns along his left arm and shoulder. Sarek found himself impressed with how controlled the young woman was. She seemed nearly Vulcan in that moment, no fear or grief lingering in her eyes, just the knowledge of what she was facing and what she needed to do to fix it.

The room Nurse Chapel had directed him to was easy to find. There was a large scorch mark on one wall where a panel had set aflame during the attack but otherwise this small side corridor was untouched. There were two offices along the right wall and what looked to the quarantine room and the Captain’s private recovery room on the left, both of which had large windows opening into the hall facing the offices. Sarek assumed it was to allow the CMO and his second to more easily monitor the rooms.

Although the doors to both offices were closed Sarek was able to faintly hear the sound of voices, both of which he recognized, coming from the room at the end of the hall. Making his approach he stopped outside the door and pressed at the chime by the name plate to signify that he was awaiting entry. He did not have to wait long however, for the door to open upon the haggard form of Dr. McCoy. The human, if possible, looked even more exhausted than he had two hours ago. The man’s eyes were shadowed by the dark rings, the whites of his eyes were bloodshot, his hair sticking up in strange places and flattened in others and his cloths were rumpled as if he had fallen asleep in them. Not a very impressive image for the CMO of the Federations flagship, however Sarek understood that the situation was not ideal for any of them. The doctor had been working nearly non-stop to ensure the best health possible for the surviving crew and the refugees under his care. As such his lapse in personal hygiene could be excused.

“Ambassador,” Dr. McCoy blinked at him, his voice laced with confusion. “What can I do for ya?”

“I have come to speak with you in reguards to any requests for information you will need in order to effectively treat the Vulcans under your care.”

“Alright.” Dr. McCoy stepped out of the doorway, waving Sarek into the large office. “Have a seat.”

Dr. McCoy scowled at the figure spread out over the couch, pushing on it until, with a startled cry, the blond figure landed on the floor. Sarek raised an eyebrow at the not so unexpected sight of James Kirk. He had recognized the voice and had been pleased to realize that Dr. McCoy had taken his advice to locate the young Captain and that James had also listened and allowed the doctor to heal his wounds. His wife would be most displeased with him if he did not ensure the young man’s continued health. She had, after all, been found on the boy they had meet.

“James Kirk.”

Jim blushed and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Hi, Mr. Sarek.”

“It is good that you had the doctor heal your wounds.”

“Yeah, well he didn’t leave me much of a choice in the matter.” Jim chuckled lightly. He didn’t mind his friend or Mr. Sarek showing their affection by worrying over his health. He didn’t think he would ever get used to having so many people in his life who cared enough about him to worry about his health. “If you need to talk to Bones…uh, Dr. McCoy?”

Sarek let his eyebrow arch up again. “I came to inquire what type of medical information he required to continue to assist the Vulcans onboard. Once I have that I can have the necessary information loaded onto a PADD for him.”

“Oh,” Jim glanced down and then quickly over to Bones. If he had hoped that the old Vulcan had come to see him again, well he wasn’t going to say it out loud how much it hurt that he hadn’t.

“Oh for,” Bones cried out before grabbing Jim’s arm and hauling him to his feet. Bones turned to look over at Sarek, thrusting Jim towards him. “Take him somewhere other than here and talk for Christsake! There’s somethin’ Jimmy boys been meaning to tell you.”

Sarek glanced at James who was blushing a deep red color and appeared to be attempting to look anywhere but at Sarek. “Indeed? Is there a location you would prefer to use, James?”

“Uh…I guess we could use Bones’ cabin.” Jim glanced over at his friend for approval before turning to lead Sarek out of the office.

The walk out of sickbay and back to the Officer’s Deck was a quiet one. Jim was too nervous about the upcoming conversation to say anything and Sarek as a Vulcan did not participate in small talk. The two walked shoulder to shoulder with but a foot of space keeping them from touching. Everyone they passed saluted Jim with wide smiles, some even slapping him on the back and saying words of thanks. It was embarrassing getting thanked for stealing Command away from Spock while Spock’s father was standing next to him. It made Jim very grateful to finally arrive at the door to Bones’ cabin so that they could go inside and he could hide away from all the uncomfortable congratulations, even if it meant telling Sarek the truth about nine years ago.

“I’m not really sure where to begin. It’s kind of a long story.” Jim grimaced and ran his hands through his hair.

“Then the beginning would be best.”

“Okay. Whoo boy…” Jim moved to sit down on his desk. “You might want to sit down.”

Sarek nodded and moved to sit in the desk chair, calmly watching as Jim jumped up and began to pace around the small room. “So…nine years ago…uh…I was a girl.”

Again Sarek raised an eyebrow at him. “Indeed?”

Jim sighed. He thought the eyebrow thing on Spock was pretty cute but on Sarek it was a little annoying. “There was this accident in our Chemistry class and some of the chemicals were switched out with some experimental chemicals from Torinx Prime and from what they think was one the Orion colonies near the boarder. Anyway, uh…I was a girl when you guys stayed with me. Well, uh, I wanted to explain to Spock first, but uh…he won’t really talk to me and Uhura keeps chasing me off.”

“If you do not wish to tell me-“

“No it’s not that. I mean I don’t even know if you already know all of this. I sent letters just like you said I could, explaining all of this but no one ever wrote back. I just assumed that either Spock read them and decided he didn’t want me in his life anymore or maybe Mrs. Amanda or you saw them and decided it for him.”

Sarek’s eyebrows dropped low, frown lines appearing between his eyes. “No letters were ever delivered to our home from you.”

“Oh, well, that certainly explains why no one ever wrote back.”

“You never received any of the letters Spock sent to you?”

“No.” Jim turned around to look at Sarek. “He sent me letters?”

“Indeed. He sent one through the consulate every 30 days.”

“Okay well, if neither of us was getting the letters…”

“Then someone must have intercepted them.”

“Lovely. So uh, I guess that can be dealt with later. You probably still want to know why I told I was a girl before?”

“Indeed. You say this as if you are not a girl now.” Sarek glanced quickly over Jim’s body, taking in the narrow waist and broad shoulders.

“Well, not so much a girl as a hermaphrodite. Spock and I kinda’ did something we shouldn’t have.”

“You engaged in carnal relations.”

Jim’s head snapped up, a blush rising again. “Uh, yeah, we did. I didn’t think you knew.”

The corners of Sarek’s lips twitched briefly upwards. “It was hard not to pick up the scent of your pheremones.”

“Oh God!” Jim dropped his face into his hands. “That’s so embarrassing.”

“James.”

“Ok, ok. Well, we had sex and uh I kinda got…well…pregnant. And so I never changed all the way back to being a boy.”

Jim looked over at Sarek, who was sitting back in the chair, hands steepled before him. For a long few minutes Sarek didn’t say anything, just looked at Jim. “I have a grandchild.”

“A grandson, actually.”

Sarek looked up at Jim. “”Would you permit me the opportunity to meet him once we have returned to earth?”

“Sure. I know Gabriel would love to meet you. I’ve told him all about you and Mrs. Amanda and Spock, or at least what I knew of you from your stay.” Jim stood suddenly and ran over to where a cot had been placed in the corner and began sorting through the pockets of his ruined Starfleet issue blacks. “I have a picture of him and his cousin Peter here if you’d like to see him.”

Sarek stood and moved to Jim’s side, his hand raising up to touch the picture only to freeze above Jim’s own. Jim smiled and handed the battered picture over.

Sarek looked down at the small paper square in his hand. His fingers reached over and carefully traced the image. It was a lovely image of a young red headed boy in a white and green uniform and next to him was his grandson. He could not be anyone else. He was shorter than the human boy by a few inches and his hair was just as dark a black as Spock’s but he had James’ brilliant blue eyes. He had a wide smile on his face and was looking past the other boy to the camera.

“His name is Gabriel,” asked Sarek.

“Gabriel Erestor Kirk.”

A small smile played over Sarek’s lips as he realized the child had Amanda’s nose. “He is perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN: Vulcan Translations**
> 
> 1) Grazhiv-sahriv: sandstorm; a cloud of sand driven violently by the wind; a strong wind carrying clouds of sand and dust through the air  
> 2) Shi-yem: dining room; a room to eat meals in  
> 3) Ko-kugalsu: fiancée; a woman to whom a man is engaged to be married; feminine of fiancé


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 

**2258-Post Narada; Day 2, USS Enterprise**

Jim should have known that Bones would have drugged him to sleep after he had walked in on Jim sobbing again. He had been trying not to, of course. Sarek had been so kind to him, trying to insure that Jim knew the old Vulcan didn’t blame him for what had occurred. He had even, for a short while, been able to forget as he spent three hours regaling Sarek with stories about Gabriel. But alone in the dark of Bone’s quarters, Jim hadn’t been able to fight back the tears anymore. He must have been sobbing for hours because Bones had eventually come back from another stint in Sickbay to find Jim collapsed on the floor by the bed, his eyes puffy and red, tears still wet on his cheeks, nose congested and head throbbing from dehydration from all the tears he had spilled. Seeing Jim like that, Bones had gone into Mother-hen mode, brushing his tears away with his thumbs before washing his face and forcing Jim into bed. Bones was one of the few people who could get away with that, but even if it had been Chekov, who he had known for barely a day, Jim was sure that he would have allowed the Ensign to put him to bed as well. He felt desperate for some warm loving contact to force the pain and grief to the back of his mind where all the other horrors were hidden away.

As always Bones seemed to know exactly what Jim needed without Jim having to ask. The grumpy old country doctor had gotten Jim under the covers and crawled in along with him, curling his body around Jim’s. Jim’s breath had hitched more than once as he tried again to get his crying under control as the heat from Bones’ body warmed his back, soaking into his soul. Bones had rested his head next to Jim’s, finger carding gently through golden hair as the doctor sung to him. It had been an old song, one Gabriel had found a few years ago and had played over and over again.

“Courage is when you’re afraid/But you keep on moving anyway/Courage is when you’re in pain/But you keep on living” Bones voice was nearly hypnotic, that thick Georgian accent rolling over Jim like honey.

“We all have excuses why/Living in fear something in us dies/Like a bird with broken wings/It’s not how high he flies but the song he sings/ Courage is when you’re afraid/But you keep on moving anyway/Courage is when you’re in pain/But you keep on living.”

The hiss of the hypospray releasing the drugs into his arm had been hardly noticed. Jim had forced all his awareness on the sound of Bones voice, the feel of his hands in Jim’s hair and the warm beat of his heart against Jim’s back. Life. Bones was life and Jim needed the reminder that it still went on.

“It’s not how many times you’ve been knocked down/It’s how many times you get back up/Courage is when you’ve lost your way/But you find your strength anyway/Courage is when you’re afraid/Courage is when it all seems gray/Courage is when you make a change/And you keep on living anyway…” Bones continued to sing on, but sleep had pulled Jim under.

Four hours must have passed at the very least, because as awareness came back to him Jim had realized that Bones wasn’t laying spooned up against him. He must have already gotten up and left again for a shift in Sickbay. Jim sighed. He wanted to tell Bones to get a real eight hours of sleep before going back to work but knew his friend would just ignore him. Bones had a pretty big “helping people” thing. He just couldn’t leave a sick person alone. Of course that was one of the things that Jim loved about him. The man had a bleeding heart of gold hidden behind that barbwire mouth.

Sitting up Jim let out a deep breath and ran his hands over his face and into his hair. He felt grimy, as if he hadn’t bathed in weeks. Which of course he had, but things had been so hectic since they left Earth that he barley had time to think and sleep, so bathing had fallen to the wayside and as such is was getting close to forty-eight hours since his last shower. Not the wisest thing to do when he was injured. As Bones would point out it was a sure fire way to get an infection. Jim had a pretty messed up immune system so even with all the boosters Bones was constantly plying him with the chances for him getting an infection or a cold were fairly high. Being a premature baby and exposed to alien radiation had certainly made his life unexpectedly interesting for his good friend. Bones was constantly finding new medical quirks about him that could be traced back to his birth on the shuttle pod or the unusual hormonal fluctuations he had from his alien induced hermaphrodite status. In fact Jim was willing to bet just about anyone that by lunchtime today Bones would have found a new allergy for him at the very least. Of course he hoped he was wrong because he was getting tired of adding new and interesting things onto the list of ‘Jim’s Crazy Allergies’ that Bones kept on his PADD, in his pocket and on a print out tapped to their dorm room door.

Stretching Jim got out of bed and head to the bathing compartment. Bones had lucked out and was able to use the CMO’s cabin on the Officer’s Deck so he only had to share a bathroom with the cabin next door, which Jim knew was now Scotty’s. Somehow he was fairly certain the Scotsman hadn’t been in his room yet. He was just too fastidious about the Enterprise and it’s wounded and battered body. Jim had already bet Bones that they wouldn’t see the Scotsman sleeping until his body simply collapsed from exhaustion. Bones had started cursing at that point.

The bathroom between the cabins was larger than Jim had thought it would be, but still not necessarily a comfortable size for two, let alone three, adult men to be sharing. He could only imagine how much worse it was for the women’s shared bathrooms or the bathrooms used by the Ensigns who had four people sharing one bathroom. He understood it was to save space onboard for more vital needs, but still! Man he would hate to be in one of those cabins, especially since he had some heavy secrets to hide that would likely be discovered very quick when sharing such a small space with so many others.

Jim groaned and moved to where the translucent wall separated the toilet from the rest of the bathroom. Reaching a hand out he waved it in front of the stall door monitor causing the door panel to slide open. The door, like every other one onboard, made a very soft whoosh noise as it opened and then closed behind him.

Barely awake he undid his pants, letting them drop to the floor before kicking the off the side of the stall. Yawning Jim stepped up to the toilet and slipped a hand down to scratch his belly before freeing his penis from his boxer briefs. Normally his morning wood would be competing with his bladder but the pall that hung over him had ensured it wouldn't be a problem. Perhaps, for days or even weeks from now. This whole thing reminded him too much of what took place on Tarsus IV. So many dead for no reason other than one insane bastards desire.

Still Jim was glad to be alive, glad that Sarek was anxious to meet Gabriel, glad Spock was alive and very glad that Earth was saved and they were on their way home.

Yawning again, Jim shook his penis to force out the last bit of urine before pulling the boxer briefs off and kicking them aside as well. As Jim stepped away the toilet flushed itself and the stall door opened. Pulling off his torn and stained black shirt, he dropped it and moved across the bathroom to the shower. He smelled rank after nearly a day and a half without a shower. Before he could even think about going to the Bridge he need to be clean and good smelling. He didn't want to give Uhura any further reason to bad mouth him to Spock than she already had.

Reaching into the stall Jim quickly set it to his preferred temperature before stepping into the hot spray. Steam began to quickly fill the room, triggering the automated vent system. The hot water cascaded over his upturned face, down his neck, over his chest to his groin and down his spine. It tickled his still sensitive healing flesh but Jim didn't care. He liked the feeling. If he hadn't been so lucky as to meet Old Spock, really he needed a better name, on that God forsaken ice moon he likely would be in the digestive track of that scary ass red monstrosity. And really there was nothing good about that potential future.

Stepping back from the spray, Jim whipped his eyes clear and looked at the built in shelf. There were two bars of soap, both still wrapped in wax paper, and a bottle of shampoo. Picking up the shampoo he popped the top open and leaned over to give it a sniff. Pretty generic based on scent. It was probably the same crap they had in the dorms. Scowling, Jim squeezed out a dollop of the pearly gel-like shampoo. He hated this stuff with a passion. It always left his scalp dry and unbearably itchy all day. Not to mention that his hair always looked as fluffy as old Ms. Norma's poodle afterwards. With no other option to use he would have to suffer it and plan to buy a box of his own preferred brand before, if, he graduated and got his posting.

Trying not to grumble like a spoiled child Jim quickly washed his hair and began the arduous process of triple rinsing his hair. He didn't want any of the shampoo left in his hair to make the itching scalp worse than it would already be. It took longer but it left him sure it was all out and he could process to soap up and clean the rest of his body. Bones was a stickler for cleanliness and Jim had take to washing as thoroughly as possible after Gabriel was born. The cleaner he was the less likely to pass on germs or colds to his little angel.

Fortunately the soap was better than his shampoo, still not as nice as the homemade all natural stuff he got from the farmer's market back in Iowa, but still decent. It was scentless as could be and seemed to have some built in vitamins and moisturizers for healthy skin. And as luck would have it, he didn't have any allergies to any of the ingredients list on it. Pleased he wouldn't have to worry Bones or Sarek by going into anaphylactic shock while alone in the shower, Jim began scrubbing at his arms and chest and slowly working over the rest of his upper body.

Rinsing off Jim moved once again out of the spray from the shower and propped his leg up on the edge of the stall seat. Scowling at the fine golden hairs on his legs that were nearly invisible, Jim grabbed the soap again and started soaping up his feet and began to work his way back up to his groin.

"Oh, fuck me sideways," cursed Jim. His hand frozen on his thigh Jim watched the thin stream of red drip to the tile floor at his feet. "Of all the days..."

Jim shook his head and went back to washing up. It looked like he was going to have to Comm Bones to have the grumpy old goat bring him some tampons or pads, whichever they had in stock.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

**Bridge, USS Enterprise**

The walk to the Bridge was longer than Jim had planned. Crewmembers kept popping out of nowhere to shake his hand and thank him. Jim always smiled and tried to tell them he couldn’t have done it without their help, but none of them seemed to be listening to him and it just left him uncomfortably holding hands with a virtual stranger. Some part of him basked in their adulation since it was so rare a feeling for him. Most people looked at him with pity for being the dead hero’s son, or in scorn for having the rep of campus manwhore, which was untrue. Jim was nearly celibate, he had taken a partner only once and had been drunk enough that he barely remembered it. It had been too long since Spock had been with him for Jim to really truly believe that Spock still loved him and to wait for him. Jim wasn’t willing to wait around for Spock. If Spock didn’t love him, well then he was missing out on something good. And if he did, then surely even if he never received Jim’s letters he could have come back. He knew where Jim lived and if Spock had been on Earth long enough to graduate from the Academy and become a Professor, then surely he had enough time during breaks to travel back to Riverside and look Jim up.

Jim pushed the thought from his mind and quickly dodged around a corner to hide from the Yeoman who had been tailing him all morning. Janice was a kind girl and in other circumstances he would have been glade of her affection for him, but she always seemed to wait until he was with someone to decide she liked him that way. When he was attainable it was like he was just another guy on campus. Still, he didn’t want to be mean to her, she had never been unkind to him but she really didn’t know Jim very well and he could never quite tell if she was bringing him more PADDs to sign off on one repair or another, or if she was trying to get him to agree to a date when this was all over. He hoped it was the former because she was pretty kick ass as a Yeoman and he could use her help getting all the paperwork sorted out. But if it was the latter he wasn’t sure how to handle it. They were in cramped quarters and people were everywhere. If he turned her down, even if he did it kindly, it would be all over the ship and blown out of proportion before he could prevent it from reaching Spock and Uhura’s ears.

Finally Yeoman Rand scowled and stormed off down another hallway, leaving Jim open to get back on the main corridor to the Bridge. Fortunately he didn’t run into in the four minutes it took to reach the door to the Bridge. Sighing and shaking his shoulders to release the tension that had been building all morning Jim stepped through the doorway. As Jim entered the Bridge the Red Shirt by the door called out “Captain on deck.”

The bridge crew stood and saluted, making Jim a bit uncomfortable. It was only a day ago that he had been a cadet, that he had been one of them. Now he was the Captain! The weight of that was heavy on his shoulders, only the knowledge that Bones and Sarek trusted him…believed in him, kept him from crashing and burning.

“At ease.” Jim waved them back to their seats. Sulu gave him a wide smile as he turned back to his station and beside him Chekov glanced quickly up at Jim, as he took his seat in the Captain’s Chair, before blushing tomato red and spinning back around. That made Jim pause. He wasn’t sure what had caused Chekov to blush. Was he embarrassed? Was he forming some kind of crush? God, if it was a crush that was going to be awkward. It seemed like half the crew and maybe a dozen of the Vulcan refugees had formed some kind of romantic attachment to him overnight. Bones had found the whole thing incredibly amusing when he had strolled into the cabin with Jim’s special items this morning. Apparently the Nurses were gossiping already now that most of the injured were on the mend and Jim’s relationship with Sarek was all the rage. How they knew he and Sarek were on friendly speaking terms and had spent hours alone in Bones quarters last night was still a mystery. But the rumors still came from all quarters. Apparently he had been involved in some kind of torrid love affair with the Ambassador and was now planning on marrying the Vulcan since his wife had died. Of course another rumor was that he was heartbroken at her death because her, Sarek and Jim had been planning to secretly form a triad bond once they had Spock’s approval. And then there was the one about how Jim had given birth to Sarek’s love child and kept him hidden away on Earth, which was far too close to the truth for Jim’s comfort and he had to wonder why anyone would think he could have given birth unless they had figured out his secret? And that was just too terrifying to contemplate.

“Status of the ship, Commander,” he asked turning to face Spock and silently hoping the man would at least look at him this time.

“All repairs are underway. Commander Scott reports 45% of the repairs have been completed and another 20% are currently in progress.” Spock glanced briefly at Jim and for a moment Jim thought Spock might have recognized him, but the look was fleeting. Spock’s heady gaze was quickly turned back to his station, his back to Jim.

Trying not to sigh out loud, Jim slumped ever so slightly in the seat and rested his head in his hand. “E.T.A. to Starbase 3?”

“E.T.A. is thirty-seven hours and twenty-six minutes, Captain,” replied Spock in the same neutral tone.

“Any chance we can get the repairs completed in that time, Spock?”

Spock did the Vulcan equivalent of jumping in place at the sound of his name. Normally Jim would find it amusing, but now it was just painful. Spock should be used to Jim saying his name. He should be pleased by the sound of it as he had been all those years ago. Instead he acted like Jim had struck him. “All calculations point to there being a 2.035% chance of the repairs being incomplete at time of arrival.”

“Alright then. We’re doing good so far.” Jim wanted to look over at Spock again, to check to see if his Vulcan…no, Spock wasn’t his Vulcan. Not anymore. If he was anyone’s Vulcan, he was Uhura’s and didn’t she just seem pleased with herself about that.

Another hour passed quietly on the Bridge, interrupted only when Yeoman Rand finally found him and thrust a pile of PADDs at him with a rather irritated glare. Apparently she hadn’t been chasing him down to ask for a date…this time. Grimacing, Jim began the tedious chore of reading through each report, memorizing the damages listed and the names of every casualty the ship had had under his Command and even before he had stolen it away from Spock. There were too many there. Too many names with faces that Jim didn’t know. Too many names with too many people who were still waiting to hear about them. Too many names that would have too many people falling into tears.

Swallowing back the sob he could feel rising in his chest at the realization of how close he had came to having his name on that list, to having left Gabriel without a Father, to having his son grow up never meeting his Grandfather and his other Father…it was almost too much. But Jim was the Captain right now and if his life had taught him anything before joining Starfleet it was that he had too many people depending on him to be strong and capable to let his emotions break him. “Uhura,” he called out, pleased when his voice didn’t break on a sob. “Any idea when we’ll have Communication back with HQ?”

For a moment the room went still. Everyone silently watching the interaction from two people who were famous for hating each other while they had been cadets. Jim knew her opinion of him was well known across campus and likely there was a bet going on about how long it would take for her to lead a mutiny against him. She hadn’t been all that quiet yesterday when she had bitched him out in the hall outside the Mess. Fortunately, Uhura seemed to realize the rest of the crew was waiting for what she would say, for good or ill. Their greedy little hearts just begging for a new bit of gossip to get them through the day. And if nothing else, Uhura was not the type of person to like being the center of any type of gossip.

“We should have communication re-established within the hour…Captain.” Even as skilled as she was, it was apparently too much to ask her to keep her scorn out of her voice when dropping his title.

Jim was a father through and he knew when to pick his battles and really it wasn’t worth it. He likely wouldn’t get to keep the title, hell he wasn’t likely to get to keep his position as a cadet when this was all over. He had broken too many rules for them to let him get away with it. “Good. Let me know when it’s working. There are a lot of people waiting to find out if their loved ones survived.”

Uhura flinched and turned back to her station at the rebuke and at his station Spock looked again, his gaze lingering on each of them. His head tilted slightly as his gazed moved from Uhura to Jim. Not willing to break eye contact, Jim just kept watching Spock watching him.

 _‘Did he just sniff the air?’_ Jim tried, and failed to arch an eyebrow in question at Spock. Which was, of course, ignored. _‘Okay, he just totally did it again!’_

“Captain,” Spock started as he moved away from his station and up to the Captain’s chair, where he once again sniffed the air. “Are you injured?”

Jim blinked, confused. “What?” In the background Jim could hear some very slight snickering coming from the communications area and a few indrawn breaths from around the room.

“You smell strongly of blood.”

Jim suddenly remembered how good Sarek sense of smell was to have picked up on the scent of sex that had lingered on him and Spock even after showering, which meant Spock must be able to smell that Jim was menstruating! ‘Oh, God this is embarrassing!’ Blushing Jim almost yelled out his response before he could stop himself. “What? No. I’m fine! Really. You must just be picking up lingering scents from the fight yesterday.”

Eyebrows dropping and pressing together briefly Spock forged on, “I do not believe that likely. The scent of the blood smells far more recent.”

“Well I haven’t be in any more fights and Bones has already checked me over. I’m fine, Commander.”

Spock raised his eyebrow at the unspoken command to leave the subject alone. Humans were quite curious. “Very well.” Pausing Spock glanced over Jim again as if a second look would allow him to pinpoint where the scent of fresh blood was coming from. “I would request to go to Sickbay to check on the status of Captain Pike.”

“Request granted.” Jim didn’t hesitate to wave Spock off the Bridge. The whole morning had just gotten even more uncomfortable and Jim hadn’t believed that to have been possible. He could only mourned his further ruined reputation. The gossip from just this first two hours of his shift were likely to be even more outrageous than the ones already making the rounds.

* * *

Spock watched as the irritated scowl cross Captain Kirk’s face. He had not meant to upset the man, he was merely inquiring as to his health. As Acting Captain his continued health was important and part of Spock’s responsibility as First Officer. The fact that he smelled strongly of blood and yet claimed not to be wounded was cause for concern. While Spock still had many questions about Acting Captain Kirk’s morals he already had seen the young human would make for an excellent Captain. He was brave but not foolhardy, smarter than anyone gave him credit for, capable of thinking on his feet and altering his plans with the changes of real combat and he was loyal. He showed that he was willing to put his own life on the line for others in a manner both endearing and worrisome, as he appeared to have very little care for his own continued existence if it meant another might be spared.

Spock could not help but worry about the scent of blood that lingered on the man. It was almost as if he was still bleeding even as he sat there. Something about that particular scent of blood struck something in his memory as familiar but could not figure out why. It would make sense if the Acting Captain had been female, but he was most certainly not female. The memory of that hot, hard body pressed against his was all too powerful to ignore completely and it certainly confirmed Spock’s knowledge that James Kirk was more than anything else, male. A shiver made it’s way down Spock’s spine as the graphic memory played through his senses again. The whole battle was strongly imprinted on his mind but certain events seemed to have an even greater hold on Spock. His Mother dropping away from him, the sound of Kirk’s voice calling out for help over the COMM, the feel of his throat beneath Spock’s hand, the press of his body along the length of Spock’s own, the smell of his skin and the warmth of his breath as they stood inside the Jellyfish, the touch of his hand on Spock’s shoulder as he left the transporter room with Pike. Was he simply so overcome by the sense memories of the previous day that he was imagining the scent of blood? No, he had regained more of his control after Uhura had left him in his quarters. So why was the smell of blood so strong and heady? It hovered in the air around him like a cloud of the most expensive Orion perfume, teasing at Spock’s already shaky control.

 _‘I should speak with Dr. McCoy in regards to the Acting Captain’s health. Perhaps he has reopened a wound.’_ Thought Spock as he stepped into the turbolift.

The ride to sickbay was quick and silent, for which Spock was grateful as he had much on his mind and still a great deal of work to do. It stopped only once for an Ensign who went pale at the sight of him and stammered out a greeting before backing up and disappeared back down the hallway. Spock couldn’t help he eyebrow that rose at the baffling behaviour. He was however becoming used to it. Besides a handle of his students and fellow Officers most Starfleet personnel had a tendency to back away from him. Captain Pike had assured him it was merely an involuntary emotional reaction to his “intimidating presence.” He did not see how he could be intimidating any of the other Starfleet personnel as he had made no threatening motions, nor even spoken to them before they would turn away. Perhaps Captain Pike’s logic was flawed?

Repressing a sigh Spock silently wished his Jim was here to explain the behavior to him. He knew she would be able to explain it in such a way that he could understand it even if it was still not a logical answer. She was not here however. It had been nine years since last he saw her and it ate away at him every day. He did not understand why she had not responded to him at first or why she sent all his letters back to him with a note telling him she did not wish to hear from him again. He had done nothing to harm her as far as he knew and she had, in fact, seemed very distraught upon his leaving. He had asked Captain Pike about it once but had stopped when the older human had laughed at the fact his K’diwa was a girl with a boys name. When Captain Pike realized he may have gone to far by laughing he had spent the next several days trying to apologize and had tried to explain that a lot of human women gave false names to suitors in order to push the unsuitable ones away. Spock highly doubted this was the case with his Jim as she had been more than willing to share her mind and lying in the meld would have been impossible. It was more likely, he thought, that she had gone to complete a higher education as Spock had and had decided to wait to contact him until she had completed her education so as to avoid any distractions. And distract her he would have if those few days they had together were any indication. He wondered to what she had gone to study? Had it been astronomy? Did she go into engineering or computer science? Had it been a degree on literature? He wanted to know.

_‘Perhaps I will attempt to locate her when we regain communication with Starfleet. They should be able to locate her or Mr. Freedman.’_

“Aw damn it. What do you want, you green blooded hobgoblin?”

Spock let his eyebrow arch in the only emotional sign he would give the current Chief Medical Officer. Why he chose to be a doctor when normally a good “bedside manner” was required in such a profession made no logical sense, as Dr. McCoy seemed to greatly despise dealing with others. “I am here to inquire as to Captain Pike’s current medical condition.”

“He’s bloody fucking lucky to be alive is what he is. Now shoo,” Dr. McCoy waved his hands at Spock as if that would encourage the Vulcan to do as he directed.

“Your highly emotional verbiage does not provide the necessary information. If you step aside I shall confirm his status myself.”

Dr. McCoy sputtered and his face grew red. Eyes narrowing he stepped into Spock’s personnel space and thrust his pointer finger into Spock’s chest, jabbing at him as he spoke. “Now see here you –“

“Will you two quit bickering like a pair of five year olds. Spock get back here,” called out Captain Pike.

Dr. McCoy grumbled but let Spock pass back to the curtained off bed where the injured Captain Pike was supposed to be resting. “If you get him too riled up you uppity elf I’ll boot you out of my Sickbay no matter what he wants. Got it?”

Spock gave the doctor a curt nod before letting the curtain close behind him.

“So,” Pike looked up at Spock from where he lay propped against the pillows on the bio-bed. “You and McCoy seem to be getting along fabulously.”

Spock arched his eyebrow.

Pike just laughed and waved for Spock to take the seat next to his bed. “Honestly, Spock, the man is certainly a grumpy-gus but what kind of hornets nest did you stuff up his bonnet?”

“I have not placed a hornets nest anywhere on the Doctor’s person. Secondly, I am unsure where you believe I could have acquired one or why you believe the Doctor would wear an antiquated piece of female attire.”

Pike shook his head and snorted before glancing up at Spock. Seeing the serious look on his face only caused Pike to begin laughing harder. His laughter rang out in loud bellows, startling a nurse into dropping his tricorder before Pike clutched at his side as a wave of pain swept over him. The monitors in the bed let out a loud series of three beeps before going silent again and Spock tried not to wince as Doctor McCoy yelled at him from beyond the curtain. “Lord have mercy…Don’t make me come back there!”

“I’m fine, McCoy, go back to harassing the nurses,” Pike yelled back.

More loud mutterings could be heard as McCoy moved further away from where Spock sat next to Captain Pike’s bed. For a long moment the two did nothing but listen to the sounds of Sickbay. Soon enough though it was obvious that Doctor McCoy was not going to come rushing back into the enclosed space set aside for the Enterprise’s injured Captain.

“How is everyone fairing so far,” asked Pike.

“The crew has exceeded all expectations. Repairs are underway and the engineer Acting Captain Kirk brought back from Delta Vega appears to be a capable taskmaster. At present time he estimates the repairs to be finished by the time we arrive at Starbase 3.”

“And the Vulcans that were beamed onboard before the planet was lost?”

Spock paused and felt the cavity around his heart clench, making it feel as if a solid mass had clamp around it pressing in tighter and tighter. He did not understand what caused the sensation but it was fleeting and Spock paused it to the back of his mind. He could meditate on it once his shift was over. “There are more survivors than first expected. The transporter technicians in the cargo bays were beaming up large numbers of Vulcans from the larger cities. We currently have two hundred and three refugees onboard. Of those nearly thirty are women in the last trimester of pregnancy. There were forty-three with minors injuries and one near fatality when a pride of L’matas were caught in the transporter beam.”

“Shit!” Pike’s face blanched at the realization of the potential danger. “Where are the L’matas now?”

“They were stunned and then moved to the brig where they have been sedated. The pride is a fairly large one and it has been decided to do what is possible to keep them alive.”

“Of course. There aren’t that many in captivity on other planets are there?”

“There are approximately eight thousand in various zoos and wildlife sanctuaries throughout the Federation. The addition of the wild bloodline of the pride that was beamed aboard will be necessary to keep the species healthy.”

Pike shook his head. The whole last few days were rather surreal. There were spots where he couldn’t remember what had happened, mostly those were while he was onboard the Narada, but there were also points of time prior to the Enterprise launching that he didn’t remember. Everything had been so rushed in the wake of the first emergency message that Starfleet Command had received that his mind just blanked out the unimportant points, or at least what he hoped were the unimportant moments. There were also points in his memory where everything was moving at superspeed. And although it all felt very rushed and hectic his memory of those moments was crisp and sharp edged.

“And how are you doing, Spock?”

“My health is optimum, Captain.”

“That’s not what I meant, Spock. Although it is good to hear.” Pike winched as another flicker of pain shot up and down his neck. “I heard about your Mother. I’m so sorry.”

Spock closed his eyes and swallowed, his adams-apple bobbing. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes again, calm shinning out through the dark orbs. “Her loss was unanticipated and unwelcome.”

“I can only imagine how hard this all is for you. If you need someone to talk to, Spock, I’m here. I’m not good for much else right now but this injury won’t keep me from helping you if you want it.”

Spock nodded unsure how to reply. He was not good when dealing with emotional situations. As a Vulcan it went against his core beliefs to admit to having emotions let alone wallowing in them and yet it seemed nearly impossible for him to do anything but that since he had watched her fall away from him. He had lost one of the two most important women in his life and it was causing more emotional turmoil in him than he had ever before experienced. He did not even have the words to accurately describe what was currently going through his mind at the sudden loss of his Mother and so many other members of his Clan and his people. It was a loss beyond all rational comprehension.

“How is Jim handling Command of the ship,” asked Pike, changing the subject at the obvious sign of Spock’s discomfort.

“He appears to be handling the stress of the situation admirably. He spread the duties among the crew as evenly as possible and reassigned personnel capable of handling jobs for other departments that are short staffed.”

“He’s doing better than you thought, eh?” Pike smiled at Spock. “You shouldn’t be surprised. Jim has the highest GPA out of the current graduating class and one of the highest in Starfleet history, your own being the one of the ones topping him.”

“Indeed,” Spock said in surprise. He knew the cadet was intelligent, he would have to be to hack Spock’s programming of the Kobayashi Maru.

“Don’t let him fool you, Spock. Jim likes to be underestimated by people. It gives him a tactical edge as well as being a decent defense mechanism for the brat.” Pike shook his head trying to banish the knowledge he had gleamed of Jim’s past prior to joining Starfleet. “He’s used to people just seeing his pretty face and wanting him for it, if not for the fact of who he is. He’s really a lot like you, having had to grow up in his Father’s shadow.”

Spock suppressed the desire to scrunch his nose in annoyance; it was not a seemly expression for a Vulcan. Pike chuckled again. “I can see you don’t believe me, Spock. But for my sake try to be opened minded about Jim. Watch him when you can, see how he interacts with people and how they interact with him. You might be surprised.”

“As you wish, Captain.”

“Lord,” Pike shook his head, glancing up at Spock with warm fondness. “The two of you seem more an’ more alike every day and yet neither seem able to understand the other.”

Spock raised an eyebrow encouraging Captain Pike to expand further on his comment.

“Alright, it’s like the Kobayashi Maru sim.” Spock’s eyebrow rose even higher and Pike tried not to laugh out loud at the look. They were just so mobile he couldn’t help but want to say things to see how high up his forehead they could go. “Jim hacked through the firewall and all your coding to insert a subroutine that would change the parameters of the test. Correct?”

“Indeed. He cheated.”

“Perhaps in your eyes he did, but if you step back and take a look at it through his eyes you’ll see he had no intention of cheating.”

“Explain.”

“Well,” Pike rubbed his chin. “I picked Jim to join Starfleet not because of who his Father was or even his grades, but because for everything I could find on him showed him to be capable of thinking on his feet and outside the box. He saw your test as a test meant to force him to think outside the box to alter the parameters of the battle to give him a chance to save as many people as possible. Because he knows that Starfleet tactics are predictable which makes us easy prey. But it is more than that as well. It’s gotten to the point where we are essentially teaching the cadets to give up without trying just because the situation is hard.” Pike sighed, his eyes a bit haunted. “That is something that goes against the very nature of Jim Kirk. There is a lot about Jim I can’t tell you Spock. Things that would haunt you, things that would make you understand why Jim would risk his life to ensure others survived. One day I know you and Jim will be a Command team for the history books. I can see it even now. Hell, Spock I knew it after Jim’s second year as a cadet. That’s why I asked for him to serve as tactical officer for the Enterprise.”

 

“That is most illogical. I do-“

Leonard smirked from where he stood on the other side of the curtain. It wasn’t exactly ethical to listen in on his patients private conversations but when he had come back to check on Captain Pike he had heard the man talking about Jim. He loved Jim like he was the little brother Leonard had long wished for. So, as he had done at the Academy, he had paused and hidden to listen to the conversation. Jim was all to willing to let his rep be dragged through the mud by the viscous bitches at the Academy who wanted revenge after Jim denied them his bed and body, women like Janice Lester. That bitch had been crazy on a whole new level and had taken great delight in spreading many rumors about Jim being the Academy bicycle and unfortunately for Jim, Uhura had been more than happy to tell everyone she met about how Jim grabbed her (tiny) boobs while in a bar only minutes after meeting her. The fact that he was in the middle of a bar fight and was thrown at her seemed to have skipped her mind.

So Leonard had waited and listened and hoped that Captain Pike would be able to reverse whatever negative impression Jim had created in the last few days. So far he was hopeful, Captain Pike seemed quite fond of Jim and was obviously willing to try and convince Spock of Jim’s worth as well. Of course Leonard had long been thinking that Captain Pike, who had been Jim’s mentor at the Academy, had figured out that Gabriel was Spock’s kid. The man wasn’t a Captain because he was stupid, that was for sure, and as he knew both Spock and Jim and had met Gabriel at least three times that Leonard knew of, he must have seen the family resemblance. If he hadn’t figured out Gabriel was Spock’s kid than he certainly suspected they were related somehow.

Smirking, Leonard headed away from where Captain Pike was recovering. It would be best to let the older man try to sway Spock back to the right side. Twiddle-Dee and Twiddle-Dum couldn’t seem to fix their relationship on their own but Leonard had too much on his own plate at the moment to try and take up that lost cause.

 

*~*~*~*

 

**1400 Hours; Captain’s Ready Room, USS Enterprise**

Lady T’Pau had to be one of the most intimidating people Jim had ever met. And considering he had faced both Kodos and Nero that was saying something. Of course he had the strange feeling that the elderly lady was fond of him. It wasn’t rational this feeling, and he wasn’t sure where it was coming from as her expression was as closed off and cold as any Vulcan could ever hope for. But none-the-less he was sure that she actually was enjoying sitting in this little office next to her son…nephew…brother…to Ambassador Sarek, whatever family relationship they had, and talking with him. They had been going over the list of Vulcan names that they had started to gather from the refugees that had been beamed aboard. They had also managed to pick up a communication from several small Vulcan freighters that had managed to fill themselves with people from the doomed planet before escaping its destruction. It would likely take another two or three hours to get the rest of those names compiled but it looked like Spock’s early estimate of only ten thousand survivors was a little low. Based on the information the rest of the council, as well as what information Sarek and Lady T’Pau had, it now looked like there was at least eighty thousand Vulcans who survived. Jim could only be grateful that the council had found several new worlds that the Vulcan Science Academy had built research facilities on, as that had greatly increased the number of survivors.

Still as much as he found himself enjoying the conversation he was getting a bit tired of reading between the lines as well as trying to follow the constant double talk that the two seemed to amuse themselves with. He wasn’t sure but he had the feeling that T’Pau was using it as some way to test him for…well, something.

 _‘Maybe Sarek told her about Spock and I,’_ mused Jim. _‘If she knows about our former relationship and Gabriel she may be trying to get more little Vulcans out of it for the repopulation effort that is bound to spring up sooner or later.’_

His musing was interrupted by the chime of the COMM notifying him that the Communications Officer on shift, currently an Ensign Addelene (or Addy as she had requested to be called), was trying to reach him. Jim looked over at the two Vulcans who both nodded at him as he reached to answer the COMM. “Kirk here.”

**“Captain, you asked to be notified when communications with Starfleet HQ was re-established. Engineering has just notified us and we have sent out a preliminary request for confirmation of contact.”**

“Was it received?”

**“Received and acknowledged, Sir. Per your standing orders the current list of survivors and refugees onboard has been sent to HQ along with your report on the Battle for Vulcan and the Narada Engagement. HQ has given the all clear to begin sending live calls through to family members of survivors.”**

“That’s good to hear. Have they said anything about sending out assistance?”

**“The USS Washington and the USS Nautilus are en-route. The USS Washington should meet us on our current heading in twenty-seven hours. The USS Nautilus should meet us within forty-eight hours, Sir. Command assured they would be able to take anyone Dr. McCoy lists as in critical condition, along with any refugees willing to be transferred. Also we have been notified that both ships will be able to provide supplies and any assistance Engineering will require.”**

“Good.” Jim looked over at the two waiting Vulcans and couldn’t help but grin. “Please have Ensign Chekov send out a ship wide notice that anyone wishing to contact home will need to apply to their supervisor for a time slot. Contact the department heads and let them know we will have a schedule ready by 1500 so that we can begin letting people contact their families.”

**“Aye, Sir.”**

Jim cut the communication and looked back at the two Vulcans who he could loosely think of as family. He wondered if wither would be offended if he told them they could consider Gabriel and himself as family. “Looks like we’re finally getting some good news. Do you think any of the Vulcans onboard would be interested in using the communications relay to contact any family they may have elsewhere?”

Lady T’Pau seemed to consider the question seriously, her dark eyes taking on a thoughtful look. “I shall pose it to the council so they may inquire.”

“Jim,” Sarek looked at Jim with what Jim thought might have been a wistful expression. “As communications have been re-established, would you allow me the chance to converse with my grandson prior to our arrival at Earth?”

“Of course!” Jim couldn’t stop the wide grin that spread across his face. Eyes twinkling Jim turned to T’Pau, “Would you like to meet Sarek’s grandson, Lady T’Pau? I am sure Gabriel would love to meet you both.”

Although she would deny it to her dying die T’Pau would not lie to herself. She was pleased greatly by James Kirk’s intelligence as well as his commitment to family. He would make a fine addition to the Clan of Surak. “That would be acceptable, James Kirk.”

Jim blushed and rubbed at his warm cheek with the back of his hand. “Okay then. It might be wrong of me but I could access the communication channel and get a call into his school?” Jim’s eyebrows dropped low as he contemplated whither or not Starfleet would have contacted Mr. Freedman or Sam to come get Gabriel once it was known that Jim was on one of the ship facing off against Nero. “I may have to see if he was picked up by my brother Sam and his wife or Mr. Freedman. Starfleet may have had them come get Gabriel.”

“I am glad to hear you have re-established contact with your brother,” stated Sarek.

Jim’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know you knew about Sam.”

“Mr. Freedman explain your family situation prior to use leaving Riverside. I had contacts at the embassy do yearly checks to ensure your continued health and wellbeing. They confirmed your brother had returned. They also stated that he returned with a young woman and that in winter she gave birth to a child. The boy in the photo you showed me.”

Jim let his smiled stretch wide again. By the end of the day his face was going to be very sore from all the smiling. “Peter. Yeah he was born a short while before Gabriel was.” Jim’s eyes widened. “I never told you the whole story about Gabriel’s birth did I?”

Sarek shook his head. While Jim and him had conversed for five hours and twenty three minutes last night about his grandson, they had not gone over Gabriel’s birth. Glancing at his Aunt he realized that she seemed intrigued by the chance to hear Jim’s recounting of the tale. T’Pau while quite strict about many things but Sarek had noticed her preference for acquiring informative stories about the members of the clan. Many years later, shortly after Spock’s birth, he learned that she had an entire library in her home that was filled with paper books containing a written account of the life history of each member of the family. Sarek’s heart nearly stopped as he realized that all that history…written stories about countless births, achievements and deaths had been lost.

“I would be pleased to hear the tale of Gabriel conception and birth. As well as any further tales you may wish to impart.” T’Pau reached into her over-robe and pulled out a single PADD, her hands already poised to begin setting the voice record program.

“Uh…” Jim blushed again and wondered how a people who tried so hard to convince everyone they were emotionless, could be so good at embarrassing him. “I’m…uh…Are going to record this?”

“Yes. I record all the family histories verbally through this PADD and then transfer it to a written record for secondary storage.”

Sarek jerked sharply, his spine stiffening as he twisted to look at his Mother’s Sister. “Then all of the books that we lost-“

“Can be re-written once a new home world is established.”

“That is…fortuitous.”

“Indeed.” T’Pau turned away from Sarek to look back at Jim. “Now, young one, please start the history of Gabriel Kirk from the beginning.”

“Uh…sure. But would you mind if I left out the more…uh…graphic details of his…you know…conception?” Jim was sure his face was a red as a Sarillian tri-horned goat.

“Very well.” T’Pau nodded and turned on the recording device. “You may begin by stating your name, the name of the child in question and your relationship.”

Jim blinked and shook his head with a soft chuckle. “I am James Tiberius Kirk, son of George Kirk. We are beginning that story of the child known as Gabriel Erestor Kirk son of James T Kirk and Spock son of Sarek.” Jim took a deep breath and released it slowly. “I met Gabriel’s father, Spock, in the year 2249 on Earth in the city of Riverside, Iowa. At the time I was temporarily a girl due to unforeseen circumstances involving a chemistry class and incorrectly labeled alien chemicals…”

 

*~*~*~*

 

**1530 Hours; Captain’s Ready Room, USS Enterprise**

“Man that took longer than I thought,” Jim rubbed at the back of his neck and slumped forward in his seat. “Remind me to give you a file with the ultrasound recordings and all the pictures I have of my little angel. They’d make a nice addition to your record.”

“Very well.” T’Pau carefully slipped her PADD back into the pocket of her over-robe. “Now that the records have been sufficiently updated perhaps we shall be able to speak with the boy and ensure him that his family survived.”

“Yeah, good plan.” Jim grabbed his own PADD off the desk and quickly scrolled through the schedule. “So if you’d like we can head back to the CMO cabin where I’m rooming and we can contact Starfleet to patch us through? By the time we get there it’ll just about be my time slot for the COMM channel home.”

T’Pau and Sarek both nodded. Standing Jim stretched his hands over his head until he felt his back pop, turning back to the other two he made he way to T’Pau and offered his arm to assist her out of the low Starfleet issued couch. Her gaze softening at the edges, T’Pau accepted his assistance up, her grip remaining on his elbow as Jim led them out of the Ready Room and onto the Bridge.

“Sulu, you still have the conn. When I have completed my scheduled slot on the COMM lines I’ll come back to relive you and you can have your hour.”

“Thanks.” Sulu smiled from where he sat at his station.

Leading the two Vulcans from the Bridge Jim couldn’t help but grin. Even though Sulu had control of the ship for now, it seemed he still couldn’t be pried from the helm. Maybe in a few years the other man would be more interested in Captaining his own starship.

The door from the Bridge whooshed closed behind them and Jim led them through the hallways towards the Officers Deck. If they were lucky they wouldn’t pass Spock on the way. Spock had been working on putting the Science Department back together and was also working closely with Scotty to make sure other systems were being checked over for any previously unnoticed damage. Jim wasn’t sure when the last time was that either man had slept but it was certainly long enough ago that both were fairly grumpy. Of course Jim wasn’t sure how upset and tired Scotty was simply because when the man started ranting his accent became too thick for Jim to muddle through.

The older Spock, who Jim had spoken with during lunch, had been avoiding his younger counterpart but had relayed to Jim that there appeared to be some kind of negative tension between the younger Spock and Cadet Uhura. How he knew that if he was avoiding the other, Jim didn’t know, but he assumed it was because the old Vulcan had somehow charmed both Nurse Chapel and Yeoman Rand within five minutes of meeting both. At this time Sarek and the old Spock seemed to be the only way to keep track of what was happening with Spock when he wasn’t on the Bridge. E knew it was horrible but he really wanted whatever caused the tension to mean that Spock and Uhura had broken up. If that was the case then maybe he could get to Spock and talk to him, tell him about Gabriel and about Jim not really being a girl. Maybe he could even convince Spock to explain why he didn’t come find Jim while he was living in San Francisco and studying at the Academy.

“Well,” Jim stopped in front of the door to the cabin Bones and he were sharing. “This is it.” Jim typed in the password to open the door and waved the two Vulcan’s inside. “Can I get you some tea?”

“That would be appreciated.” T’Pau looked around the room and all three paused when they realized that they were intruding.

 **“Uncle Jim,”** cried out a happy voice and Jim turned to look at the COMM screen in front of Bones.

“Hey sweetheart. How’s my little JoJo?” Jim smiled and tossed Bones a look of apology for interrupting his COMM time with his daughter. Bones waved it off and Jim stepped closer.

**“I’m okay. Uncle Sam and Auntie ‘Rulean came and we got ice cream and now we’re in San Franciso! They said that you an’ Daddy were in space fighting bad guys.”**

“Yup, just like on the Sunday morning cartoons.” Jim gave Bones’ shoulder a squeez.

 **“Hi!”** JoJo waved at the figures behind her Daddy and Uncle Jim. **“Are you friends of Daddy?”**

“Indeed we are, little one.” Sarek and T’Pau stepped up as well. “We did not mean to intrude on your time with him. Perhaps we shall return at a later time, Jim.”

“No, It’s alright Ambassador, Lady T’Pau. My times almost up an’ my little girl loves getting to meet friends of her Uncle Jim and Gabriel.”

 **“You know Gabe,”** she cried.

“I do. He is my Grandson and T’Pau’s Great-Grandnephew.”

 **“Wow!”** JoJo jumped up and down in front of the screen. **“Are you going to come here an’ visit with Uncle Jim too?”**

T’Pau nodded slightly. “That is our intention. Perhaps your Father and you might have tea with us one day.”

JoJo smiled. **“Cool! We can have a tea party! Can Peter an’ Gabriel an’ L’Murr come to?”**

“I don’t know, honey bear,” Bones sighed. “L’Murr an’ her parents might have plans already.”

**“Awww…Can’t you ask ‘im, Daddy?”**

“We’ll see. Now why don’t you say goodnight to everyone.”

JoJo made a face at Bones but didn’t further protest. **“Night-Night, Uncle Jim!”** JoJo blew him a kiss, which Jim pretended to catch in his hand, making her giggle. **“Night Uncle Sarek! Night Auntie T’Pau!”**

“Good Night, JoJo,” the two Vulcans stated in near unison, which did not weird Bones out at all, really.

“Good night, Honey bear. You be good for Uncle Sam and Aunt Aurelan until we get there.” Bones watched the screen go dark before leaning back in his chair and letting his spine relax until he had slumped down in the seat.

“So my brother picked up your daughter from Georgia and your ex-wife let them?”

Bones snorted and rubbed at his eyes. “Apparently your sister-in-law guilted her into it. I doubt she would otherwise have allowed JoJo to come see me even though we saved Earth.”

“Your ex-wife does not wish you to share parental rights,” asked Sarek.

“No she doesn’t. She was happy enough to marry a doctor because she assumed it meant I would be able to make enough money to keep her in the comfort and style she had become accustomed to in her Father’s home. So when I started working at the hospital she was happy. At least until she realized how many hours I would be there and that I didn’t make as much money as her Father had while he practiced medicine. So she took to fucking the pool boy, the gardener, three of the neighbors and the gods be damned dog walker! We didn’t even have a dog!” Bones smacked his fist down on the table next to him. “If that wasn’t bad enough she ensured I wouldn’t be able to get a decent attorney, stole the home that had been in my family for over four generations, cost me my job and the respect of my co-workers and then forced me out of the state and into space. The only way I can see my daughter is if she or a member of her family is there, or a government official is present during the visit. Which isn’t much of a problem for her since I was at the Academy in a different state and with little to no time to visit.”

“Hmmm,” hummed T’Pau. “We shall see what can be done for you, Leonard McCoy.”

Bones blinked up at her, wide eyed with surprise. “You don’t have to-“

“We shall honor our debt to you.”

“But I didn’t do nothin’ rightly deservin’ of a debt.”

T’Pau arched a brow at him and gave him a look that clearly communicated that he was behaving in an unpleasant illogical manner. Shaking his head Bones decided that he was better off not fighting any plans this wily old Vulcan could conceive of. She had that same look his Mother had when his Father had done something truly stupid. “As you wish, Ma’m. I’d be a right fool not to accept any help y’all could offer.”

Jim looked away from Bones and T’Pau, his gaze catching Sarek’s own. Cupping his hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter, Jim moved further away from the two while they spoke quietly.

“You are amused,” asked Sarek.

“Yeah. Bones accent only gets that pronounced when he’s a) madder than a hornets nest, b) drunker than a skunk and c) surprised and embarrassed beyond belief.”

“I see.” Sarek glanced back at the two. “We shall need to access the COMM line I approximately one minute and twelve seconds.”

“Well, close enough to ask them to bottle it up while we track down Gabriel.”

Sarek reached out, his hand barely touching Jim’s shoulder. “If I may ask, who is the L’Murr that JoJo mentioned?”

“Hmmm? Oh, L’Murr is one of the kids that attend school with Gabriel and Peter. Her Father actually works on the Enterprise.”

“Indeed?”

“Yeah, you probably met him already. He was fixing up Sickbay the other night when you came in.”

Sarek blinked, remembering the Caitian male he had take note of that evening. “I see.”

Jim smiled and turned to take the few short steps back to where Bones and T’Pau were talking. “Alright you guys I’m going to see if we can track down Gabriel.”

“Good. Lord only knows what the little miscreant has gotten up to with Peter and L’Murr there to encourage him.”

“He’s not that bad, Bones! He’s a little angel.”

Bones scoffed but didn’t say anything further. In truth Gabriel was one of the best behaved kids he’d ever met. His own daughter was in trouble more often than Gabriel ever was. Of course Gabriel was smarter than pretty much every other child within three grades of him, so it wouldn’t be hard for him to figure out a prank he could pull without getting caught, especially with his Kirk DNA to help.

“Kirk to Bridge.”

**“Bridge here Captain.”**

“Patch me through to the switchboard for Starfleet’s Golden Gate Academy.”

**“Acknowledged, Captain. One moment please.”**

“You sure you want us all here for this, Jim,” asked Bones.

“Of course. You’re family.”

**“Captain Kirk? This is Principal Cooper. It is good to see you survived.”**

“Thanks, Sir.” Jim smiled at the elderly man on the screen. “I hope it’s not a problem but I would like to speak with my son if he is still in the dorms.”

**“He’s here and I know he’s egger to hear from you. Unfortunately his class was watching a news broadcast during social studies that was interrupted with the announcement that the fleet had been sent to Vulcan and that there were reports that the planet, half the fleet and the majority of the graduating class was lost. We had to call in extra medical staff from Starfleet to help calm own many of the children.”**

“My son?”

 **“The Betazed healer that came said he was suffering from psychic shock due to the loss of a familial bond. We thought,”** the Principal paused and swallowed. **“As you are listed as unbonded we assumed you had been lost and contacted your brother to come assist your son.”**

“Damn.” Jim ran his hands over his face.

“It is likely that he had a weak bond with my son and sensed the loss of so many of our other family members.”

“But wouldn’t Spock have sensed Gabriel if they shared a bond?”

“Potentially. But my son guards his mind and his bond to you quite closely and might not have been aware of a secondary bond to the one he shares with you forming.”

“Mr. Kirk, Your son is in the waiting room outside my office. He was still in the dorms as your brother has only arrived about an hour or two ago. Starfleet is still getting them lodging set up. I’ll send your son in now and he can have your nephew join as well?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks, principal Cooper.”

**“Of course, son. You be careful getting back home now.”**

“I’ll do my best.”

On the screen the face of the Principal disappeared as he stepped away from the COMM to go get Gabriel and Peter. The four standing in the cabin could hear what sounded like a small stampede as the two boys nearly ran the Principal over to get to the open COMM line.

**“Daddy!”**

**“Uncle Jim!”**

“Hey now, don’t I get a ‘Hello, Uncle Bones’ from you two?”

 **“Uncle Bones,”** they cried out together. Jim couldn’t help but notice both had red puffy eyes. It was obvious the two had been crying, probably since they first saw that news report in class.

“That’s better. It’s good to see our little Peter Pan and Erestor smiling like that,” Jim could barley control the wavier in his voice from the sheer relief of seeing these two precious children. The two children didn’t even whine about the use of nicknames in front of strangers, their relief at seeing Jim and Bones alive and okay was too great.

 **“Hey, Daddy,”** Gabriel looked glance past Jim to where Jim knew Sarek and T’Pau stood. **“Who’re they?”**

“This is your Grandpa Sarek and Aunt T’Pau.” Jim smiled and waved the two closer.

 **“You’re my Grandpa and Aunt,”** asked Gabriel, his eyes wide and again filling with tears.

“Your Father was my son.” Sarek paused and Jim could see the emotion filling his eyes silently. “You look a lot like him at this age, but you…you have your Grandmother’s nose.”

**“I do?”**

Sarek nodded.

 **“Are they there too,”** asked Gabriel as he glanced around the room.

“My son, your Father, is onboard although he is unable to be here at this time. That shall be rectified at the first opportunity, as I am sure he would like to make your acquaintance. Your Grandmother, however, did not survived the loss of our homeworld.”

 **“Oh,”** said Gabriel sadly. **“I’m sorry.”**

“She would have loved you.” Gabriel glanced up at the soft voice of T’Pau.

**“Really?”**

“There is little one can be positive about in life but of this I am certain. Amanda Grayson had a great capacity for love and there is no way she could not have loved you.”

Gabriel gave another small sob and rubbed his sleeve over his eyes. Beside him Peter smiled gratefully at T’Pau and Sarek and wrapped his younger cousin in his arms. **“Thanks,”** he whispered.

 

Tbc….

 

AN: The song Bones is singing at the beginning is “Courage” by Orianthi. Also, a lot of you have been wondering why Spock hasn’t realized who Jim really is and I would like to point out there are multiple reasons. 1) Spock never knew his Jim’s last name, 2) his Jim was female and this Jim most certainly isn’t and 3)well…I could tell you but that would make it too easy. All the answers are there between the lines if you read carefully. I try not to spell out things that should be obvious with a bit of thought. You have to remember it is easier for Sarek to figure it out because he never knew Jim was female and he did know Jim’s name and who he really was.

As a side note there is no real confirmed information as to T’Pau’s real connection to Sarek and the house of Surak, as a family member. So I am taking liberty for this fanfic and stating that she is Sarek’s Mother’s Sister (his Aunt).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: The song Bones is singing at the beginning is “Courage” by Orianthi. Also, a lot of you have been wondering why Spock hasn’t realized who Jim really is and I would like to point out there are multiple reasons. 1) Spock never knew his Jim’s last name, 2) his Jim was female and this Jim most certainly isn’t and 3)well…I could tell you but that would make it too easy. All the answers are there between the lines if you read carefully. I try not to spell out things that should be obvious with a bit of thought. You have to remember it is easier for Sarek to figure it out because he never knew Jim was female and he did know Jim’s name and who he really was.
> 
>  
> 
> As a side note there is no real confirmed information as to T’Pau’s real connection to Sarek and the house of Surak, as a family member. So I am taking liberty for this fanfic and stating that she is Sarek’s Mother’s Sister (his Aunt).


	6. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New!! There's a [Poll](http://dreamwind83.livejournal.com/116301.html?view=203341#t203341) about possible Villians for this story and it's sequel. Go vote for who you think it'll be!

**2258-Post Narada; Day 3, USS Enterprise**

“Approaching Delta Wega, Keptain,” reported Chekov.

Kirk scooted closer to the edge of his seat, as if that would get them there that much faster. It was an irrational move but he would be glad to pick up Keesner because it meant they were that much closer to Earth. Of course it could also be that he felt bad for the little alien being trapped alone on the God forsaken ice ball. “Lt. Uhura can you contact the station?”

“Aye, Captain.” Although she didn’t snarl outright as she had yesterday, she still wouldn’t look at Jim. It was as if by not seeing him, she would be able to make herself believe he was someone else. “Connection established with the station.”

“Good.” Jim leaned back in the Captain’s chair, his legs relaxing and spreading wide as he let himself relax. “Please let Keesner know that Scotty can beam him up from the station at his convenience.”

Rolling his shoulders Jim glanced around the Bridge. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, all things considered. Jim did notice Spock watching him silently from the Science Station. The Vulcan had been acting weird since Jim had stumbled into him at the Mess this morning. If Jim didn’t know Spock, at least a little, all the staring might freak him out a bit. Of course, it wasn’t just the staring. Spock had taken to sniffing him every time he walked past Jim or stood close to him. It was weird…and a little exciting. It made Jim wonder if Spock was starting to figure out the truth. His sense of smell was obviously better than a human's, as he had picked up the scent of blood only hours after Jim had started his period.

Glancing again at Spock, Jim quickly stood up and tugged at the hem of his shirt. “Spock, you have the Conn. I’m going down to the transporter room.”

Jim wouldn’t admit it out loud, or even really to himself, but he wanted off the Bridge and away from Spock. Just for a while. He needed to figure out how to tell Spock about who he really was and about Gabriel. Sarek had told him to just pull Spock aside and tell him the truth. Jim wasn’t sure he could do that. He was a little scared that he would freeze up and just start spewing out random information. Besides, they still had days they’d be stuck on this ship and if he told Spock, and Spock freaked out again, what was Jim supposed to do? It wasn’t like he could hide indefinitely from Spock while trapped on the ship…well he couldn’t do so at the Academy either. So for the time being, until he could work up the nerve, he would do his best to avoid Spock and the other two Vulcans.

The Transporter Room, when he got there, was in worse shape than it had been. Just the other day it had still looked in near mint condition, except for the broken spot where Sulu and he had crashed down. Now there were gaping holes in the walls where Engineering techs were carefully removing parts and replacing them with others. Burnt out parts and parts that still looked to be in working order were all over the place, on the floor, leaning against the walls, and on top of the control panel.

“What’s happened,” Jim asked, turning to look at Scotty who seemed perfectly pleased by the disorder.

“Just a wee bit of maintenance, Cap’n. Nothing ta worry about.” Scotty smiled and slapped Jim on the shoulder. 

“Scotty, man, you know you’re supposed to be beaming Keesner up right now, right,” asked Jim.

“Of course, Cap’n!” Scotty smiled and moved to take the seat behind the controls, brushing the spare parts off the consul. “I can beam ‘im up now.”

“As long as he comes up alive and one piece…”

“Aach, I canna believe you’ be such a worry wart.”

Jim gave Scotty another worried look and decided that he really didn’t want to see what would happen when the transporter beamed up the little alien. “Okay, I’ll trust you but if we have to send him to Bones’ tender care I’m leaving you to explain what happened.”

Scotty shook his head, not even a small trace of fear on his face. Jim wondered if the man had any sense of self-preservation. If Jim was in his shoes he would be running for the hills and trying to find the deepest cave to hide in. Bones was a scary SOB when he was on the warpath. 

“Cap’n, you worry to much. Tis but a wee bit of maintenance. It won’ hurt a fly.”

Jim raised his hands in surrender and slowly backed towards the door. “All right, but if he ends up a girl, a cat, or with two heads, I’m denying everything!” Scotty laughed at him as Jim backed out of the room, the door closing in front of Jim. 

Looking around at the mostly empty corridor, Jim paused trying to think what to do now. He didn’t really want to go back to the Bridge where Spock was, but he couldn’t just hover here in the hall outside the transporter room either. Bones was too busy in Sickbay to go bug and the few other people he knew onboard were all on the Bridge. Well…except for the Vulcans. He could go visit Sarek again but at this point Jim was sure he spent more time with the Ambassador than Spock did and they were sharing a cabin. Spock. He could go see the other, older Spock.

Deciding that was the safest course of action, Jim headed to the turbolift. He was a few decks away from where Old Spock’s assigned cabin was but it wouldn’t take more than five minutes to get there from his current location. If the Old Man was in, Jim was sure he could convince him to spend a little time with Jim while he hid from the Old Man’s counterpart. Of course Jim wouldn’t admit that he was hiding from Spock, especially when Old Spock seemed convinced that his counterpart and Jim were destined to be together, no matter the fact that Spock was obviously with Uhura. It made a warm spot grow in his chest knowing that at least one Spock knew how much Jim loved him, and that Jim’s love was returned, at least in part.

The walk towards the refugee cabins passed the same as it had going to the Bridge. People kept stopping him to shake his hand and say their thanks, to kiss him and slap his back until he wanted to run. Then there were thee Vulcans nodding towards him and giving him the ta’al. Their quiet thanks hover around him like a warm blanket on a winter’s night. It was strange but Jim found he greatly preferred the quiet thanks the Vulcans gave him too the more boisterous back slaps, hugs and cries that the humans gave him. The Vulcans seemed to respect his need for space and the obvious signs of his distress while the humans emotionalism overwhelmed him.

“Captain Kirk,” one Vulcan said as they moved away from the wall, pressing himself between the mass of humans surrounding the Captain, using their knowledge of the Vulcans need for personal space to give the young man a chance to breath. “Might I request a moment of your time?”

“Yes,” Jim wanted to pull the older Vulcan into a hug right then. The other people seemed disappointed but they stepped back further and allowed Jim and his Vulcan rescuer to slip away.

Once they were far enough away from the crowd Jim turned to look at the Vulcan. He was tall and lean, as it seemed almost all Vulcans were, but his skin was a rich dark mocha color, so very different from the pale skin tone of Spock and his family. This Vulcan’s hair was clipped short in tight little black curls and Jim couldn’t help but wonder if he had some African blood, even though he knew Spock was the first Human-Vulcan hybrid. Perhaps it was just the shock of the difference of seeing a dark skinned Vulcan, or maybe it was the way he moved. It reminded him of a leopard, all smooth grace and stillness. It was a way of moving that no human he had ever met could mimic. Was it just that Vulcans could control themselves so well that all the wasted movement that came with a humans bubbling emotion could be easily controlled or was there something else? Jim supposed that in the long run it didn’t matter.

“Thank you.”

The Vulcan arched an eyebrow at him and Jim couldn’t help but smile. The eyebrow lift must be genetic then. “Thanks are illogical.”

Jim shook his head and smiled at the other man. “I felt like I was going to drown in their gratitude back there. If you hadn’t interrupted them, I’m not sure what I would have done.”

“It is no issue.” The other man look away down the corridor where a pair of red shirts quickly dashed off around the corner after being spotted. “You have done much for our people.”

“Well, thanks all the same.” Jim watched him for a moment longer as they started to approach the spot where the red shirts had been. “I’m Jim, by the way.”

“I know.” The Vulcan’s eyebrow twitched as if it wanted to raise up but was being forced not to. “I am Torik Cha’Tuvin.”

“Well, it is nice to meet you, Torik.”

Torik nodded his agreement. “May I inquire as to your destination, Captain Kirk?”

Jim smiled. “I was going to visit an old friend.”

“Ambassador Sarek is not quartered in this area.”

Jim laughed and shook his head. “I’m not looking for Sarek. I’m actually looking for an older Vulcan. He goes by the name Selik.”

A light of understanding blossomed in the Vulcans dark eyes and Jim realized that this man knew who Selik really was. No more was said on the matter, and Jim understood it wasn’t meant to be rude, just that like Jim, Torik understood this wasn’t something that should be discussed where anyone might overhear. There was too much danger in anyone finding out that someone from the future survived and was onboard. There was too much risk that someone might try to harm old Spock in order to get the secret of Red Matter or some other technology from the future.

Torik walked beside him the rest of the way, quietly protecting Jim from the mass of grateful people onboard. Jim was pleased by the comfortable silence between them and gave Torik the ta’al as he brought Jim to Selik’s door. Torik returned the gesture and waited for Selik to answer the door before he turned to leave.

“Jim,” Selik’s voice, was warm with his affection as he stepped back, allowing Jim to enter his quarters. 

“Hey, Old Man,” Jim smiled widely at the warmth in the old Spock’s eyes. “Thought I’d drop by and see how you were doing.”

“I am as well as can be expected.” Selik guided Jim further inside, silently offering him a seat. “I am pleased to see you today, Jim, but your eyes tell me this is not just a social call. Something is troubling you.”

Jim cursed under his breath and smiling tightly, glanced away from his K’diwa’s counterpart’s knowing gaze. Fiddling with the sleeves of his borrowed Command tunic, Jim sighed. “I told Sarek and T’Pau about Gabriel. They even got to talk to him when I had my turn at the COMM link.”

Selik frowned. “Did they not accept your child?”

“No, it wasn’t that. I think they’re both kinda smitten with him. Sarek especially.” Jim let a small smile stretch across his lips. “It’s just…it’s Spock.” Jim practically jumped up from the seat as he began pacing around the small room. “Sarek and I were talking and it looks like someone at the Consulate has been blocking communication between all of us, so I don’t think Spock really knows the truth about what happened nine years ago, like I originally believed. I know that I have to tell him, but what if he,” Jim swallowed the lump forming in his throat. “What if he decides he doesn’t want me or Gabriel? How am I supposed to explain to Gabriel that his father doesn’t want him? That he’s going to bond with a woman who hates me and is actively trying to keep Spock and me apart?”

Selik stood and moved to Jim, calmly placing his hands on Jim’s shoulders. “Try not to let it worry you, Jim. It will make you sick.”

Jim nodded and let Selik pull him into an embrace. Selik rested his head against the top of Jim’s, drawing in deep breaths. “If there are any similarities between our two realities, Jim, it is that my counterpart and you are destined companions. He can never be whole unless he is at your side. A part of him is aware of it, and in time, he will realize who you are and who you were to him. I cannot promise that it shall be a smooth transition, but he loves you and no force in this galaxy would be able to keep him from your side.”

“How can you know?”

Selik smiled, and Jim could see the loneliness and grief in it, which tore at his heart. “Because my Jim did the same for me. I died for him, for our ship, he chased my katra across the stars, ruined his career, and destroyed the Enterprise to bring me back to life. He traded it all, though it cost him greatly, he told me countless times that he would do it all again to ensure I was at his side where I belonged.”

Jim took in a trembling breath and pressed his face into Selik’s shoulder. He could feel the tears prickling at his eyes, falling down his cheeks as he closed his eyes. “You loved him.”

“I still love him and I shall love him beyond the end of my days. Take strength from that, Jim. Your counterpart was not so different than you are now and Spock is not so different from myself. He will understand the truth once you point it out to him. He is even now starting to figure it out.”

“And Uhura?”

Selik was quiet for a long while. “She is quite different from the Uhura I knew. Perhaps it is simply that she is much younger. I did not meet Lt. Uhura until she was in her late twenties.”

“Did she love you like the Uhura here loves my Spock?”

“No. She was attracted to me but she never loved me. She and I never participated in a romantic entanglement, although she did later on marry one of the men we served with aboard the Enterprise.”

“Really? Who?”

Selik gazed down at Jim, reaching up to carefully wipe away the tears lingering at his eyes. Blue eyes. So very different from the hazel eyes of his counterpart. Yet Selik could see the similarities in the soul staring at him from their depths. “I cannot tell you that as it could change the future for those two.”

Jim scoffed and looked away. “I think it’s already been changed. Uhura has already made it plain that she and Spock are a serious item, despite the fact that their relationship will get them dishonorably discharged from Starfleet. He has been her instructor and advisor since she started the Communications track.”

“Does that not seem out of character to you, Jim? Would the Spock you know risk his career and the respect of his colleagues, his family, for her?”

Jim thought about it and thought about the Spock he had known all those years ago and realized that if Spock could leave him, his K’diwa, behind because he was not ready to risk losing his Father’s respect, then he surely would not do all of this with Uhura. “No. The Spock I know wouldn’t risk it.”

“Exactly.” Spock smiled and waved Jim back to the seat he had occupied when he first sat down. 

Something inside Jim loosened and for the first time since he saw Spock at the hearing, Jim felt like he might have a chance to get back everything he had been dreaming about since Spock drove away from the farm house. 

 

~*~*~*~*~

 

**Rec Room 3, USS Enterprise**

Talking with Selik had been more helpful than Jim had thought it would be. It wasn’t simply a way to escape Spock and the responsibilities suddenly thrust on his shoulders…it was fun. Bones, Jim was sure, would say that it was a necessary step in his continued mental health. And if talking with Sarek or Selik kept Bones from hassling him into speaking with the ship’s counselor, well, it was all the better. Jim had spent almost an hour talking with Selik about Spock, Gabriel, and everything else that had happened in the last nine years. Afterwards Selik had convinced Jim to go to the Rec Room to play a game of chess. They had played each other for over an hour until Jim was forced to admit defeat. Selik had a lifetime of playing against his own James Kirk and was able to anticipate most of Jim’s strategies. 

While they were in the Rec Room, they had gathered a rather large crowd of people to watch their game. Jim and Selik had both been convinced to play the watchers. Selik was currently playing against a science officer that Jim vaguely recognized from around campus, and Jim was seated across from Sarek. Jim was a bit more prepared to play against Sarek than he had been all those years ago. There was something soothing about playing against him, just as there had been when he played against Selik. Maybe it was because they knew Jim, and seemed to understand him in a way that only a few others ever had. Of course Jim loved playing against him no matter what the reason, but he was even more amused to see that Torik was waiting to play the winner of his game with Sarek. Having Sarek introduce Torik as he aid had made Jim burst out laughing as he realized why the darker Vulcan seemed to know more than he should. As Sarek’s aid he must have access to a great deal of “classified” information. 

**“Bridge to Captain Kirk.”**

Jim set his pawn down before standing and moving to the closest COMM. Punching the button he answered, “Kirk here.”

**“The USS Washington has arrived, Captain. Captain Williams is asking to beam aboard.”**

“All right.” Jim glanced back at where Sarek was sitting, quietly studying the board. “I’m on my way. Contact the transporter bay and have Captain Williams’ party beam over. Let Captain Williams know I’ll be right with him. And please have Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy meet me at the transporter bay.”

**“Acknowledged, Sir.”**

Jim released the COMM button and walked back towards Sarek. “I’m afraid that our game will have to be delayed. The USS Washington has arrived.” Jim paused. “Would you like to join me, Ambassador?”

“Very well.” Sarek stood, and like before, Jim was amazed by the economy of the movement and his fluid-like grace.

*~*~*~*~*

Spock confirmed the request to meet the Captain in the transporter room. Rising up from his station, he gave the CONN to Sulu before exiting the Bridge. It would take five minutes to get to the Transporter Room from the Bridge, and seven to get there from Sickbay. It should give him enough time to speak with the doctor in regards to the scent of blood that lingered around Acting Captain Kirk. It was worrisome that the scent was so strong and that it had such a strong effect on him. No one else seemed to notice it but then humans had a substandard sense of smell in comparison to most other races within the Federation. 

Convinced that this was the wisest course of action, Spock made his way to the correct corridor to intercept Dr. McCoy on his way to the transporter. He would not have long to explain his concerns to the doctor and as such it was vital that he intercepted the man as quickly as possible to increase the amount of time available to him in order to give the doctor as much information as necessary to aid Captain Kirk. Spock let his pace increase as he cut through the crowded hallways, deftly avoiding contact with the other crewmembers and refugees in his path.

He could hear Dr. McCoy complaining in his normal fashion before he spotted him among the slowly thinning crowd. “Dr. McCoy.”

“Shit.” Leonard jumped and spun about, catching sight of Spock standing patiently still among the hectic flow of people. “Stop sneaking up on me with your little cat feet, ya’ green blooded hobgoblin!”

Spock let one eyebrow raise up at the illogic of the doctor’s statement. “I do not have ‘little cat feet’ as you claim, doctor. My feet are of an average size for a Vulcan of my height and build and in no way resemble that of a terran felines.”

“Lord almi…” Leonard sighed and pressed his hand to the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. “What do you want, you blasted Vulcan?”

“I wish to speak with you in regards to the health of Acting Captain Kirk.”

“Jim,” asked Leonard, confused by the sign of concern in the Vulcan’s expression. “What’s wrong with that blasted boy now?”

“Although I do not see any physical wounds on his person, I have been picking up the scent of fresh blood on him since yesterday. He assures me that he is uninjured but that scent of the blood is quite strong.”

Leonard’s brows creased, dropping as he tried to figure out what kind of wound he could have missed. He had gone over Jim with the medical tricorder, and by good old fashioned sight and touch, looking for any wounds that may have been hidden by the clothes he had been wearing for the last few days. According to the tricorder and his own sense, which he trusted far more than any piece of technology, Jim had no open wounds or any other type of injury that should be bleeding enough for Spock to pick up the scent of blood. “I checked him over thoroughly before releasing him from sickbay. There isn’t anything wrong physically with him.”

“And yet the scent of blood is still there.”

Leonard sighed, rubbing at his eyes before looking Spock over. The Vulcan was serious, that was for certain. Leonard also realized that Spock seemed upset that Jim was injured, or that he at least believed Jim to be injured. But men didn’t just bleed for no reason despite what kind of foolish things Spock might be imagining.

Suddenly a little voice in the back of Leonard’s mind whispered the answer. _‘Men don’t bleed without a wound but women do.’_

Of course it would be just like Jim to start his menstrual cycle now of all times. And of course Spock would be the one to notice the change in Jim’s pheromones, and pick up the scent of the menstrual blood, which always had a stronger odor than normal blood. “Just ignore it as best you can, Spock. The bleeding isn’t anything dangerous and in a couple days he’ll be fine.”

“Then you are aware of what has caused the bleeding?”

“Yes, so stop worrying already. Jim’ll need you to be focused so that we can get all this mess resolved.”

“I do not understand why you are not concerned. I have not heard of any medical condition that would cause bleeding for multiple days that would not be cause for concern.”

“Then you should be reading more about Human anatomy.” Leonard rolled his eyes, trying to hide his smirk as he started walking toward the transporter room again. Spock followed behind like a little duckling.

“I have studied human anatomy, doctor. I have found no reference to the Captain’s condition.”

“Then yeah haven’t been paying enough attention, but just forget it Spock. Trust me when I tell you Jim Kirk isn’t gonna drop dead from this.”

“Very well, doctor.” Spock was not pleased by the doctors reaction but he could do nothing more than he had. He did not know Acting Captain Kirk well enough to confront him directly about the blood. If Dr. McCoy was unconcerned that his friend smell of fresh blood then Spock should be content that whatever was causing the smell was not life threatening. And yet he was having a hard time not thinking about it. There was something about the scent of the blood that was very familiar, as if he had smelled it before. Perhaps he had scented it in the Academy gym? All cadets had to go through unarmed combat training so he could have picked up the scent of James Kirk’s blood in the gym. But no, that wasn’t right either. Something about the scent reminded him strongly of Uhura and other female cadets. Their pheromones changed throughout the month, affecting their scent. Something about that felt correct, as if that was the right path to begin studying. 

Did Human men bleed as well as a sign of fertility? It would be strange but not unheard of. The Zzcathi from Atros Prime bled a pheromone rich blood from their groin for a week prior to their mating season. Perhaps Humans males did something similar. But why would that not be listed in the books on Human anatomy and reproductive biology? Were the males ashamed of the side effects of mating as Vulcan males were? That seemed out of character based on other information in regards to common Human behavior. Perhaps it was not out of character. Humans were a very complex species. Their social behavior and private behavior confused many Vulcans as well as other species, even though Humans were widely accepted to be one of the more easy going members of the Federation. Did they go into rut as so many other Earth mammals did, losing control of their bodies and minds? If so then it was quite understandable why both Acting Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy seemed unwilling to speak further on the matter, and why they both changed the topic any time Spock tried to address the matter.

“—so the blasted medication we’ve been using on those blasted sabertooth kittens of yours are turning out to be problematic.” 

Spock blinked as he realized that he had been contemplating the problem of Captain Kirk’s health and Human biology so completely that he had stopped listening to Dr. McCoy, who had changed topics again and was now complaining, something he did quite frequently, about the tranquilizer used on the L’Matas.

“The tranquilizers apparently sent two of the females into labor and we had to dart them with the antidote after moving them to separate holding cells.” Leonard growled and waved his arms about in jerking, angry motions, nearly hitting Spock in the face on two separate occasions. “Now we have twelve more L’Matas than we did this morning. Don’t suppose you know anything about the blasted things? We need someone to work with Zoology to monitor them now that we can’t drug up the females or the cubs.”

“I do not. However I will speak with my father and see if any of the refugees have the knowledge you require.”

“Good. Good,” Leonard mumbled lightly as they reached the doorway to the transporter room. “I hate these things,” he said, scowling at the transporter as they entered. “Can’t figure out why any right-minded person would agree to let himself or herself be disintegrated at whim. Creepy things transporters.”

Spock did not reply.

“Bones, Commander Spock, glad you made it.” Jim grinned at them eyes full of mischief. 

Bones snorted but stepped up next to Jim. Sarek stood on Jim’s other side, with T’Pau next to him. Spock nodded to his Father and Clan elder and took his place between Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy, who only grudgingly moved over for Spock. Bones glared at Spock as the Vulcan forced him to step to the side. He didn’t particularly like moving from Jim’s side for Spock. Leonard didn’t think that Spock really deserved it after abandoning his friend for nine years, then charging him with academic dishonesty in front of the entire graduating class, and later marooning him on a fuckin’ ice moon. No Leonard didn’t like it at all, but he would step aside for Jim and Gabriel’s sake. 

“We all set, Scotty?”

“Aye, Cap’n. Ready when you are.”

“Good.” Jim took a deep breath and glanced at Spock out of the corner of his eye. “Energize.”

“Energizing now, Cap’n.” 

In front of them the golden light of the transporter began to swirl into the shape of four figures. Jim wasn’t sure who the others were. He assumed two of them were Captain Williams and either his security chief or his XO. The other figure looked to be an adult based on size, but the forth figure was much too short. A child or maybe a species like Keesner that was naturally shorter?

“Huh.” Jim tried not to reach up and rub his eyes at the sight of the people now fully transported onto his ship. The man in front, dressed in gold, was obviously Captain Williams. Jim had to fight not to smirk at the shorter man. Captain Williams was maybe all of 5’7” at most, but he was broad shouldered, with a well muscled physic that stretched out the chest of his shirt in a very pleasing manner. His hair was blond like Jim but with a touch of gray at the temples, and neatly slicked back. There were dark circles under his eyes and it looked as if he hadn’t shaved in at least two days, but Jim couldn’t help but stand at attention. The man had presence.

“Captain Williams. Welcome aboard the Enterprise,” Jim stretched his hand out and smiled all the wider as Captain Williams took it easily, squeezing with an equal pressure to Jim’s own grip.

“It’s good to be here. I hear there are some people in need of a bit of assistance.” 

Jim laughed and found himself smiling more warmly. “That there is. This is my first officer Commander Spock,” Jim waved at Spock as Captain Williams raised his hand in the ta’al. “This is our new CMO, Leonard McCoy, this is Ambassador Sarek and Lady T’Pau.”

“Ambassador.” Captain Williams lifted his hand in the ta’al again. “It’s good to see you again. I wish it could be on better circumstances, for all our peoples.”

“Indeed.” Sarek nodded gravely. “How is your daughter, Captain?”

Captain Williams laughed loudly. “As excitable as ever, I’m afraid. She’s starting a pre-college program on marine biology right now.” Captain Williams glanced at Spock, a small smile stretching his lips. “I’m glad to see your son survived. Your wife?”

“Did not survive the destruction of Vulcan.”

Captain Williams let his eyes close, a look of grief passing over his features. “I grieve with you. She was an amazing woman.”

“Indeed.” Sarek looked over the others standing behind the Captain. “I admit I was not expecting to see T’Pring with you, Captain.”

Captain Williams glanced back over his shoulder at the tall, regal looking Vulcan woman standing by his CMO, her daughter standing beside her still. “We were surprised as well. As far as we were aware, no ships made it off planet, but as we got into this sector we have already crossed paths with at least a dozen ships ranging in size from a private transport to a small cruise liner. The good lady’s ship was damaged and was loosing life support so we beamed her and the children onboard.” Captain Williams looked back at Sarek. “You know each other, then?”

“Indeed. At one time T’Pring was to become my daughter-n-law as you Humans say.” Sarek looked over at T’Pring, taking in the sight of the young girl standing close to her and T’Pring’s obviously swollen belly. “You are with child.”

“Yes. The conditions of our escape have caused no medical danger to the child I carry,” T’Pring replied.

“Well,” Captain Williams glanced back at Jim. “This is the Lady T’Pring and her daughter T’Cena, and to my right is my CMO, Dr. Bergman.”

Jim smiled at the Asian man standing awkwardly beside T’Pring. He had a warm face and was nearly the same height as the Captain but softer in form. “It’s good to have you here, Dr. Bergman. Dr. McCoy could use the assistance. We suffer an unfortunately large loss to our medical crew during the attack.”

“Oh, well.” Dr. Bergman pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “Perhaps we might be on our way, Doctor?”

“Please. All this nonsense isn’t gonna get my patients out of my hair any faster if I sit here listening to this group yammer on like a bunch of old Aunties.” Leonard gave Jim and Captain Williams a quick wave of his hand and sped off out of the room like a pack of angry cats were on his tail.

“Oh…” Dr. Bergman glanced back to his captain. 

“Just go, Max. I’ll find you later.” Captain Williams laughed and look back at Jim. “Quite the character your Dr. McCoy.”

“Oh yeah.” Jim smirked. “But the best damn doctor you’ll find anywhere in the Federation. That I guarantee. So…you left your second back onboard?”

“Yeah. We don’t need any further damage done to your ship and my First Officer, our Tactical Officer, Commander McGarrett is a bit of a pyro. Don’t ask me how but the man has a collection of antique military weapons from the twentieth century in his cabin, and at least one grenade in his uniform pocket at all times.”

Jim whistled. “Wicked. Not sure I’d be comfortable with someone armed with antiques like that onboard right now. Anyway,” Jim turned to face T’Pring. “If you are in need of rest, ma’am, I can show you to a more comfortable location?”

“I am not in need of rest at this time. If possible I would prefer to speak with Ambassador Sarek and Lady T’Pau.”

“Of course.” Jim stepped forward and stretched his hand out as T’Pring stepped forward, her legs shaking beneath her. “Careful.”

T’Pring blinked at the feel of the strong hand that gripped her arm as she stumbled. Looking up, she took in the startling blue eyes, her mind touching the edges of the human’s. “Perhaps I was in error.”

“No problem. I can have a Yeoman show you to the dinning hall or the one of the recreational lounges? Or if you prefer some place quieter-“

“Do not bother, James,” interrupted T’Pau. “As she has come to speak with me and Sarek, we shall guide her to a more restful location.”

“Very well.” Jim kept hold of T’Pring’s arm until she had gotten her feet back under her. “If you require anything just give me a call, okay?”

The edges of T’Pau’s mouth twitched ever so slightly. “As you say. Come T’Pring, T’Cena. We shall acquire some tea.”

“Very smooth, Captain.” Captain Williams smiled. “I don’t think I’ve seen T’Pau warm up to anyone like that before.”

Jim blushed and rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Sure.” Captain Williams chuckled. “Well, why don’t the four of us find a spot to sit down and start working out the plans to get some of the Vulcan’s moved onto my ship? I’ll have my engineer beam over some extra supplies for you as well.”

“That’d be great. Scotty here can take care of that.”

Captain Williams blinked and turned to look at the man manning the transporter console. “Well, I’ll be damned! What rock did they find you stashed under?”

“Delta Vega,” Scotty replied with an irritated scowl.

Captain Williams whistled. “You really pissed off Archer, didn’t you?”

“It woulda’ been fine if that wee little cadet didna put in the wrong equation.” Scotty looked away and Jim tried not to laugh at Scotty trying to lie through his teeth. Scotty knew now that it had been his mistake as the older Spock had shown him the correct equation back on that God forsaken moon.

“Of course. Well, Lt. Kelly is my Chief Engineer. He’ll be waiting to beam the supplies and give assistance if needed.”

Scotty scoffed. “I do’na need any o’sistance from Kelly. I can keep my own engines jus’ fine.”

“All right, Mr. Scot.” Captain Williams turned away to look back at Jim. “Well, Captain Kirk, show me the way.”

“Just call me Jim, I’m still just a cadet,” Jim said, yet another blush turning his cheeks pink. Damn hormones. Damn Captain Williams for being attractive. Damn the universe for him not having been laid in far too long.

“Jim, then.” Captain Williams smiled, “Call me Danny.”

“All right.” Jim licked his lips and looked over at Spock and Sarek. “We’ll use the conference room by the Bridge.”

“Very well, Captain.” Spock watched Jim for a moment and Jim fought not to squirm. “Shall I request a Yeoman bring some sustenance?” 

“That’d be great, Spock. Thanks.” Jim smiled at Spock and for a moment he could almost imagine that it was just like it had been before all those years ago.

*~*~*~*~*

**Officer’s Mess, USS Enterprise**

“It has been eight years, three months and 6 days since last we conversed,” stated T’Pau.

“Indeed, elder.” T’Pring guided her daughter into a seat at a table in the back of the officer’s mess, out of the way of the Starfleet Officers moving about between tables. 

A Yeoman came over to them and relied their requests for tea and cucumber sandwiches to the chef. T’Pau had been introduced to the sandwiches by Captain Kirk when he found her perusing the catalogue of vegetarian foods that could be prepared by the onboard chef. The majority of the vegetarian food offered was Human, which was not unanticipated given that the vast majority of Starfleet officers were Human. The sandwiches he had suggested were an acceptable meal with tea and James had explained that it was in fact a traditional snack with tea. He had also recommended she try several different Indian meals, which had also proven to be quite nutritious and pleasing of taste.

“Where is your bondmate, Stonn,” inquired T’Pau as the Yeoman set down the tray of sandwiches along with a teapot and two cups on the table in front of them.

T’Pring allowed her eyes to close for a minute as she got her heart back under control. “He was on Vulcan.”

T’Pau nodded, not needing to say anything in response. There were very few that had been on the planet and had survived. The majority of survivors had been off planet for one reason or another. The likelihood that Stonn had survived was so small as to be insignificant. “It is good then that his children and you survived to continue on his family line.”

T’Pau reached for the teapot and carefully lifted it, pouring the steaming, fragrant tea into T’Pring’s cup and then her own. The tea was a unique blend that James had introduced her too. It was a combination of Raspberry Leaf Tea and Caitian Sweet Leaf Tea. The scent was quite rich and the flavor was most pleasing. The sweet leaf was the first flavor followed by the flavor of the raspberries. It was far more palatable than most human teas as far as she was concerned. 

“It is indeed fortunate.” T’Pring lifted her own cup toward her lips and took a moment to breath in the scent before taking a sip. Her eyebrow rose and she found herself taking a longer drink. “I do not recognize this blend.”

“James Kirk, introduced me to it yesterday. It is a blend of Human and Caitian teas. It is far more flavorful than most Human teas.”

“Agreed.” T’Pring waved to the Yeoman and requested another tea cup for her daughter. They continued to speak of inconsequential things as the Yeoman returned and T’Cena tried the tea. An hour passed easily as T’Pring began to explain why she and her children had been off planet at the time. T’Pau explained what they had learned about what had happened including the truth about the time traveling Romulan Nero, the Kevlin incident, the destruction of Vulcan, and the near destruction of Earth. By Human standards it was not a comfortable conversation but neither woman was Human nor inclined to react in a humanesque manner.

“Acting Captain Kirk appears to be quite competent for a Human,” remarked T’Pring.

“He continues to prove me wrong about many things I thought to be true of Humans.” T’Pau watched T’Pring, knowing that the younger woman was trying to lead the conversation around to something. T’Pau was too old and wise not to realize that the conversation T’Pring wished to have was about James Kirk. And perchance it even had to do with her former sa-kugalsu, Spock.

T’Pring carefully set her cup down before looking up at her elder. “This Acting Captain Kirk…He is the young woman that Spock went through p’pil’lay for.” It was not a question. T’Pring had known the moment that James Kirk had touched her arm. His mind was the same as the one she had felt through her mind-link with Spock.

“He is she who is Spock’s K’hat’n’dlawa,” T’Pau confirmed.

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

**Bridge Conference Room, USS Enterprise**

Jim watched as Sarek and Captain Williams left the conference room, still talking. It had taken almost two hours to get it worked out how many injured were bad enough off that they would need to be transporter over to the USS Washington, and how many the other ship could accommodate. Sarek, along with Bones, would be working with Captain Williams to get the injured transported over safely. Jim would have gone with him, but for the first time in days he had Spock alone. He had the chance to tell Spock the truth. To tell him about Gabriel. 

“Spock,” started Jim.

“Yes, Captain?”

“Uh.” Jim blushed and looked away. God this was so much easier to do in his head. Licking his lips, Jim glanced back at Spock, taking in his open posture and curious gaze. How long had it been since he had seen that look? “I…uh, well.” Jim coughed into his hand, stalling. 

“Captain,” Spock was watching him again, eyes following every move and twitch of Jim’s body. “If the matter is not urgent, there is much that needs to be attended to.”

“No…uh. It’s not urgent, but well, it’s important.” Jim looked up at Spock, still a little miffed about Spock being taller than him, but also strangely excited by the thought. “It’s about what happened nine years ago. In Riverside.”

Spock, who had started to turn towards the exit paused and turned back to look at Jim, an expression Jim didn’t recognize on his face. “What are you talking about, Captain?”

“Nine years ago you and your parents got stranded in Riverside. You stayed with a girl who called herself Jim.”

Spock said nothing but the look on his face had changed. It was a more recognizable and Jim felt the pounding of his heart calm a bit. He could do this. “You told her you loved her. The two of you, you…uh, you had sex. A lot of sex.”

“What we shared is not of your concern. I do not approve of you digging into my past, Captain.” Spock spun around to face the exit again. “If that is all I must return to my duties.”

“Spock! You have a son,” Jim cried out.

Spock froze and spun to face Jim a look of shock on his face. “What?”

“Commander Spock,” a shrill voice yelled from outside the door. 

“Spock,” Jim started.

The door whooshed open and a panicked Yeoman stood in the doorway, her hair mused and chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. “Commander Spock! You’re needed in the science lab! There’s been an accident and one of the machines has exploded,” the Yeoman gasped.

Spock looked between the Yeoman and Jim, obviously trying to decide what to do. To ignore the problem and his duty to his Science department or to face the startling revelation that he had a son. A nine year old son.

Jim sighed and let his shoulders slump. Duty was more important right now. Gabriel could wait another day. “Go, Commander. Duty calls.”

Spock stood a moment longer before nodding and walking around the Yeoman speed down the hall to the turbolift that could take him to the Science Labs. Watching Spock leave again, Jim slumped down into one of the chairs. It seemed like he just wasn’t going to catch a break.

“Jim?”

Jim looked up as Old Spock stepped into the room. “Hey Old Man,” Jim said with a strained smile.

“Did things not go well?”

Jim chuckled sadly and leaned back further into the chair, staring up at the bland white ceiling. “It could have gone worse.” Jim shook his head again leaned forward in his chair, looking at the older, gentler Spock. “All I managed to do was blurt out that he had a son. I didn’t get to explain anything.” Jim groaned and pushed his hands through his hair. “I can’t do this.”

“You can.”

“I can’t. Every time I try to tell him, something happens to screw it up. It’s like the universe is trying to tell me not to say anything. Not to tell him how badly I miss him.”

Spock arched an eyebrow. “While I have seen many unique things in my lifetime, I have never come across any evidence that would support such a deity who would be considered the sentience of the Universe. As such it is unlikely that the Universe is trying to tell you anything, much less not to explain to my counterpart the truth about what happened between you and about his son.”

Jim let out a gusty sigh. “I know. Christ, if it’s not Mr. Freedman telling me that, it’s Sam and Aruelan and now Bones, Sarek and you.”

“Indeed.”

Jim glared at the wily old Vulcan. “Really? That’s all you’re gonna say? Is that like your default word when you can’t come up with something more reassuring?”

“Perhaps.” The corners of old Spock’s lips twitched as Jim groaned and dropped his head onto the tabletop. 

 

*~*~*~*~*

 

**Observation Deck, USS Enterprise**

Spock had come to realize that of all locations aboard the USS Enterprise, the Observation Deck on the portside of Deck 17 was the most likely to defy the odds of having someone you do not wish to meet up with actually meeting up with you. He did not know what created the flaw in the odds to skew it in favor of people locating him in this room more easily than in any other on board, but he decided that a study into the phenomenon would be required at a later date. 

“T’Pring,” he stated without turning away from the transparent aluminum window.

“Spock,” she replied, voice soft but firm.

For nineteen minutes and twenty-three seconds the two of them simply stood side by side, staring out the window. The view outside was of the USS Washington, which had yet to head back to Earth. It would not leave for another 1.25 hours. Captain Williams had assigned several of his Engineering crew to assist in repairs while the transfer of injured passengers and crew was conducted.

“You are with child.” 

T’Pring let her eyes stray from the window to look at her former sa-kugalsu. “I am. There is two Vulcan months left until the child is due.”

Spock looked at her, letting his gaze linger on her swollen belly. Had Jim looked like that when she carried his son? Was the Captain even telling the truth? But then what reason did he have to lie to Spock? To say he had a son if he didn’t. “Have you been told the child’s gender?”

T’Pring let her eyebrow raise briefly before dropping down again. “The doctors are 97.753% certain the child is male.”

“A son.”

T’Pring tilted her head to the side, watching him, studying him as she had when they were younger. “You desire a child?”

Spock jerked his gaze up from her abdomen. “I…I have been informed that I have one.”

“The student of yours, Uhura?” T’Pring arched a brow at him. “I heard rumors among the crew on-board that you have initiated an illicit affair with the human woman. Should the rumors be true, you are aware that Starfleet shall pursue a dishonorable discharge for both her and you?”

“I did not take you for the type of person who listens to the rumors of illogical Humans.”

“I did not take you the type of man who would abandon his ko-kugalsu for another woman.”

Spock’s eyebrow twitched. “I did not abandon you.”

“I was not speaking of myself.” T’Pring reached down, gently stroking her hand over her belly, feeling the child inside moving. “I was speaking of your t’hy’la, Jim Kirk.”

Spock’s eyebrows dropped and he shifted his head, watching her with a look of confusion. “I have no such relationship with the Acting Captain. I have only known him for three Earth days.”

“You lie to yourself as if you were as Human as our classmates always said.” T’Pring turned back towards the door, stepping away from Spock. “Think back, Spock. You know the answer even if you will yourself to blindness, out of some illogical Human emotion. As the humans say, X marks the spot to the buried treasure. Perhaps you should follow the path laid down for you, if you are not smart enough to see the truth already before you.”

Not looking back, T’Pring moved to the door, which whooshed open before her. Calmly she stepped through, allowing the doors to close behind her. 

Spock watched her go, as thoroughly confused by her as he always had been. She was a most unusual woman. She acted as if she disdained his very existence and yet she never resorted to the adolescent bullying that their classmates did. Even if she did not stand up for him, she had been willing to address the bullies’ own emotional failings in their desire to provoke him. She had even released him from their fledgling bond upon his request. And now she was attempting to give her advice. Romantic advice none-the-less. She impressed him and he could not help but try to sort out why such a woman would have chosen a man like Stonn as her bondmate.

“When you said you had a fiancée, I assumed it was a woman. Jim Kirk isn’t a woman,” Uhura said as she stepped out from the shadowy corner of the room. “Apparently you were willing to give that woman up for him, but you’ll use him as an excuse not to date me, when we are obviously more suited for each other.”

“Cadet Uhura.” Spock blinked. He had not been aware of her presence in the room. “Your information is not whole. My fledgling bond to T’Pring was broken by mutual agreement as she had found a bondmate more suited for her. My current fiancée is female. She is the one most suited for me.” 

“So this other woman, is better than me? Do you even know your fiancée’s name?” Uhura strode forward, halting just outside of Spock’s personal space.

“Her name, the name she chose to go by, is Jim.”

“Jim Kirk,” Uhura scoffed out the name like the most derogatory of words.

“Perhaps. The Jim I knew, the Jim to whom I am bonded, is female. I believe she chose the name Jim because it was the name of a family member. A brother or cousin. She stated she had a brother. One older than her who ran away.”

“So, what? She wasn’t willing to give you ‘her’ real name? She just made one up.” Uhura tilted her head watching him. She had heard so many different things about the famous Kelvin baby and his family growing up. Had thought him a prince and had even had a crush on him before she met the real Jim Kirk. Rumors, whispers of things not spoken of out loud, lies all of them, and now this. “You mean like Kirk does. He has an older brother George Samuel Kirk. Ran away from home years ago. It was all over the news for a while.” Uhura scowled and looked away from Spock. “You have no idea who ‘Your Jim’ is do you?” 

‘Sam. Jim said her brother’s name was Sam,’ Spock thought, remembering back to his time with his K’diwa.

“Tell me, Spock. Have you ever read any of the papers by Dr. Phlox? He put out a paper a few years ago about Subject X. A man who was temporarily turned into a girl through a chemical accident. The paper doesn’t say where the man was from but about nine years ago, the good doctor spent an unusually large amount of time in Riverside, Iowa.” Uhura looked back up at Spock and stepped closer inching into his personal space. “Tell me, Spock…Do you want to be engaged to a liar? A man who said he was a woman just to get you in bed? Just to be able to add another alien race to the notches on his bedpost?”

Closing her eyes Uhura drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she tried to pull back on the raging emotions inside her. She didn’t want to alienate Spock. She just wanted him to understand who Jim Kirk really was. She didn’t want him to fall into the same trap she had with Kurt Rosenstein in High School, and then with Gary Mitchell during her first year at the Academy. Why couldn’t he understand that she was trying to protect him?

“I am a much better option for you, Spock. I’m the logical choice. I am smarter than Kirk. You and I share the same hobbies. I am clean of all types of STD’s. I doubt very much Kirk is. I wouldn’t cheat on you.” Trying to soften her eyes, Uhura made the final step into his personal space and reached up to lay her hands against his chest trying to implore him through body language as well as words to understand that he was making a mistake giving Jim Kirk his heart over her. “Kirk can’t keep his hands and dick to himself. You know… he was fucking my roommate. Fucked her just so that he could use her to insert his subroutine into the Kobayashi Maru sim. He used her like he used you. Choose me, Spock.”

Spock looked down at her, felt her vulnerability, her emotional weakness, her desire to protect him, and be proven right. To vindicate herself and prove herself superior to a man in every way. Everything was being projected at him through the hands caressing his chest. Reaching up he took her hands in his, trying not to winch as her emotions and thoughts bombarded him. She was suddenly hopeful, and he hated to crush her, but he could not let this continue any further. Carefully, he pushed her away, releasing her hands as he took a step back. “I cannot. Even if you were the logical choice, I cannot choose you. I cannot be the partner that you desire me to be. I cannot give up my career for you.”

“I’m not asking you too! We can serve together!” Her eyes were wild as she reach out for him making Spock step back further away from the gently hands that were now looking like claws to him.

“We cannot. Have you forgotten that should we engage in the relationship you propose, we would both be dishonorably discharged for Starfleet? You are still a cadet and I am still your instructor. Even if that were not the case, our ranks are too different for Starfleet to allow a romantic relationship between us. I am not willing to sacrifice all that I have worked for simply to ensure you get what you desire. I have no emotional attachment to you beyond friendship. I am not capable of feeling for you beyond that.” 

“And Kirk? You’d risk a dishonorable discharge for him? You feel that for him? For the man who kept your son from you? Who slept and cheated his way through Starfleet? The man who stole your Captaincy out from under you? You want him?” The question came out on a sob. How was this her life, that the only men ever interested in her were the type of men no sane woman could love? How was it that none of the good ones could love her? A burning shame surged and danced with the anger in her belly, pouring up and out of her like a raging volcano. “I can’t blame you. He’s a handsome devil. But that’s all he has going for him. Fuck him all you want, Spock. And when you catch some disease from him that he got from one of his alien trollops, I will be glad to say I told you so.”

Stepping further away from her, Spock couldn’t help but grieve the loss of yet another important person in his life. “Despite your words, I know the woman I chose has been loyal to me. Weather she is Captain Kirk or not does not matter. We are bonded. She is mine as I am hers. That will not change.”

“Maybe I am wrong about you. You don’t care, do you? You don’t care if it’s some idealized memory of a girl you met when you were 18, or if it’s Kirk. It just has to be some human tramp who goes by the name Jim.” Tears streaming down her cheeks, Uhura allowed her hands to form white-knuckled fists at her sides. “He fucked Galia. He probably fucked Dr. McCoy. Hell, he’s fucked most of the girls on campus, and probably Pike too. Why else would Pike let him join Starfleet after he assaulted Cadet Giotto and his friends back in Iowa? I hope the two of you are happy.” Turning away so that he wouldn’t see her finally break apart completely, Uhura tried not to sob openly. “I hear Kirk gives excellent head.” 

Spock remained standing by the window as another woman left the room. He was never sure what to make of women, especially human women. He had only half understood his Mother, until he had met Jim; Jim who had completed him in a way no other ever had. Who made their differences into a strength rather than a fault. He had understood then that that was exactly what his parent’s relationship was. Strength and love built on their differences. His Mother, T’Pring, Jim, and Uhura had all at one time been females whose existence in his life was of great social and emotional importance. This mission had caused him to lose his Mother and his closest friend, but perhaps he had gained an ally. For he had most certainly gained some insight into who his K’diwa was. Things that had been teasing the edges of his consciousness since he had first laid eyes on James Kirk now became clear. He only wished Nyota could have the chance to have such clarity in her life as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** So this chapter is much shorter than originally planned but it turned out to work better to have the chapter essentially cut in half. Hope you all enjoyed it anyway. I am sure some of you recognized who the crew of the USS Washington were. And yeah, I am aware of how much of a geek I am but Star Trek XI and Hawaii Five-0 (2010) are my two current obsessions. So yes, the Captain was Danny Williams, Steve McGarrett is the First/Tactical Officer, Chin Ho Kelly is the Chief Engineer and Kono Kalakaua is a Tactical Ensign, training under Steve. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Translations:**
> 
>  
> 
> 1\. sa-kugalsu – fiancé; a man to whom a woman is engaged to be married.  
> 2\. p’pil’lay – divorce; the severing of a mind-link between bonded couples  
> 3\. k’hat’n’dlawa - one who is 'half of my heart and soul in its deepest sense; became unfashionable after Reformation because of its emotional connotation


End file.
